Marriage problems?

Errata

Just like a child, the OH has demonstrated he can't be relied on to use a laptop sensibly. Of course, the OP could fight fire with fire, borrow the lappy and have rip roaring cyber sex and see how he likes it.

Dave101t

well im of the opinion that he has done this online only, and thats alot better then paying prostitutes or going to bars, remember he hasnt done anything real, he just seems to be looking for a little thrill. of course it could lead to more but if you are talking to him and you are both being honest, you can break his habit.

Errata

Depends on how you define real Dave. The bloke does it at home, does it at work and has done it before and been found out which sounds a bit more than just a 'little thrill' and seems pretty real to him.

Minimum_Wage_2

You could get a friend to help you out here. get on the lap top and get your friend to sign in with a male name, and start flirting with her and have a good time. even leave it open while you go out and get a coffee so that he may peek at what your doing.

He might then feel what you have been feeling and think twice before doing it again! things are much different when the shoe is on the other foot!

also tell him that if he treats you nice that it will re-light that candle that has been smouldering for these last few years!!!!!

larmy16

You could always try slipping on a negligee, sprinkling the bed with rose petals and calling him big boy while batting your eyelashes or you could try dropping the laptop into the bath while he is in it, making sure it catches on his gooligong and the twins!

Seriously though, this second life thing has to be one of the most ridiculous modern obsessions. Have you caught a glimpse of his online character and partner?

I don't know what the answer is for you, but I would be mad as hell especially as he promised you not to do it again.

Good luck and (((hugs))).

swampduck

What a lot of people forget is that when you access games like second life that you are actually ROLE PLAYING.
It is not real life - and the distinction has to be made very clearly. The problem arises when you or your partner feels as though they have been unfaithful. But at the end of the day it is a game!! and it depends on how you feel about these things.
The chances of your partner actually meeting whoever they are chatting to is very remote although I admit it can happen.
My OH also plays (and that is the definitive word here) ...plays second life but he is also very aware that he has a real life. We have interests together and apart and we also have no secrets - I can see what he does and am aware that he has skype friends via this game and that he talks to them but he is also a computer boffin and loves the fact that he can design on sims - build buildings, make clothes, all part of his interests and hobbies. It's a million miles above my head and I accept that but ..... it is his hobby.
I am also aware that people do use this as a means of escape from real life - lets not forget that real life can be very hard at times - after all we all have bills to pay. Second life is a way of escaping that - after all we'd all love a perfect home in perfect surroundings but without the bills and the working 24/7 to be able to achieve it.
It can be addictive but so can facebook, playing bingo, watching corrie or getting a daily fix at the local gym if that floats your boat, but it's all a matter of your outlook or view.
I realise my perspective may not be everyone elses' but we are all different and the world would be a boring place if we were all the same.

Swampy

Ruby_Moon

Lucylocket01 wrote: »

I know what you mean. I think he's basically just bored and thats how all this has started.
Kids in bed, I watch tv, he goes on laptop.
I not great with words but u get my drift..
he has said he would stop playing if i wanted him to. I want him to want to stop not me bending his arm though. If he hasnt been on, he just sits there looking really bored while i'm watching corrie say. In the nd i say oh for godsake go on it. he says no no i dont want to if it upsets u.
But having him sat there with his mind somewhere else make me feel as bad as if he was online. If u know what i mean

Tell him to get a hobby or some other interest that doesn't involve talking to other people in your home.

parallax_20

I would agree with swampduck. The two should need to be clearly distinguished from one another. Virtual worlds are there as a means of escapism from the real world and often a substitute for areas lacking in ones own life. So take a hard look at your relationship and see whats missing? Are you giving him enough attention to draw him away from his laptop? Sounds like you need to increase your intimacy.

So don't give him a hard time! Actually do give him a hard time and one he won't forget....in bed. Perhaps that would be enough to regain his love and attention.

Good luck.

Morglin

We've got a 'rule' in this house - no computer (and no soap operas!) after dinner.:T

Hire films, get SKY, listen to music, watch progs you both like or talk - but spend the evening keeping each other company.:rolleyes:

From what I hear, that 'second life' is a menace - and is a recipe for marital disaster.:eek:

Put your foot down and insist that free time is something you both share - not one on a computer having cyber-sex and the other watching a soap opera.

Lin

C_Mababejive

OK is it just me or is there Jack Sh&t else to do in Britain on an evening? So whats the choices? go out to drink,go out to eat,sit watching the idiots lantern/visual opiate, tap on a laptop reading MSE and the like or get hooked on kiddie games like 2nd life or WOW? Is this the life you dreamed of as a little kid? all that exciting stuff you were going to do when you left school? If this is it,far better to hang yourself i say...and as for a man (or woman) tapping away on some cyber game whilst ignoring his partner..well ..the ultimate in sadness.