Impending separation - please help!

mamaoba

If your solicitor has advised you NOT to move out then please take his advice. Why should you be the one to leave if she is the one asking to dissolve your realtionship? Why should another man potentially move into YOUR home 6-12 months down the line? (believe me I've seen it happen!).

If she wants someone else let her go to them - I can't see why you or the children should be disrupted any more than is absolutely neccesary, I also think you should apply for custody, if at all possible. As a minimum go for 50/50 residency and a child benefit book each (evens up the CSA payments if each parent has one child's CB paid to them as each parent is then considered to be the parent with care for a child, otherwise the CSA totally ignore shared residency from what I can tell & all payments go one way).

I'm a single parent & know exactly how it feels when your partner takes up with someone else but that is their choice. Your solicitor will be able to see the long term consequences of your actions now in a way that you, while the hurt is so raw can't right now. Block her out totally for now and concentrate on doing what you need to do to look after your kids - would you need to change jobs or anything like that? What she's getting up to really isn't your problem anymore, the long term security and happiness of your children is all that matters. You can only take responsibility for your own actions as a parent - what the other person does is up to them no matter how much it hurts.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

It's good to know that we've been able to help. I'm going to play devils advocate: if you move out, and move into accommodation near the kids school there's nothing to prevent your wife moving herself and the kids in with her new partner - who might live miles away and the kids will then have to go to a school near their new home, not yours.
Your solicitor has seen it all before, they don't advise people on a course of action because they like the sound of their own voice. Be guided by them, this is a new experience for you.

ben500

mamaoba wrote:

If your solicitor has advised you NOT to move out then please take his advice. Why should you be the one to leave if she is the one asking to dissolve your realtionship? Why should another man potentially move into YOUR home 6-12 months down the line? (believe me I've seen it happen!).

If she wants someone else let her go to them - I can't see why you or the children should be disrupted any more than is absolutely neccesary, I also think you should apply for custody, if at all possible. As a minimum go for 50/50 residency and a child benefit book each (evens up the CSA payments if each parent has one child's CB paid to them as each parent is then considered to be the parent with care for a child, otherwise the CSA totally ignore shared residency from what I can tell & all payments go one way).

I'm a single parent & know exactly how it feels when your partner takes up with someone else but that is their choice. Your solicitor will be able to see the long term consequences of your actions now in a way that you, while the hurt is so raw can't right now. Block her out totally for now and concentrate on doing what you need to do to look after your kids - would you need to change jobs or anything like that? What she's getting up to really isn't your problem anymore, the long term security and happiness of your children is all that matters. You can only take responsibility for your own actions as a parent - what the other person does is up to them no matter how much it hurts.

Don't let the CUCKOO win let him go find his own nest not the one you've built for your kids

hugh_jarse

well we had a discussion tonight where i said in no uncertain terms what I want to happen and that I want the kids full time and she can fit in or eff off. I feel so much better for doing it as well. Still dont know what will happen but I feel more confident than I have for a while. Thanks again

Anniek1969

Good for you, stick to your guns. I would do what your solicitor said and sit tight after all like someone else said you haven't been through this before but he has and he knows what's best in this situation.

I agree with Ben why should you move out and let him move into the nest that you built. You wouldn't want the kids living with another man so I would fight tooth and nail for custody and wouldn't settle for any less than 50/50 but only on the condition that she doesn't move another man in, it's hard enough for the kids as it is without having to adjust to living with a total stranger.

Once again good on you for standing up for yourself, keep it up.