Impending separation - please help!

jazzyjustlaw

My advice is see a Solicitor, dont move out of the matrimonial home. I would say that the fact she is on Prozac just shows she is dealing with matters it should not be detrimental to her. The matrimonial home will not necessary be split 50/50/ Dont forget children and finances are dealt separately. If I wasnt busy I would explain more. You must see a lawyer ASAP.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Hugh, you've posted that you think it might get nasty. Trust your intuition, you know your wife and yourself best and how you both react. See a family law solicitor ASAP, the cost will be minimal - you may get a free first consultation - and it will save you and your children a lot of emotional and financial grief. Good luck

CommandoJim

Hugh, the main thing to remember, and I know it's not much consolation, is that you're not alone. Everyone on here will give you as much support and advice as we can.

I may have misread something in your posts, but who is there for you? You say your wife has her family. I wish I had the guts and strength to talk to someone. I'm in a bum situation at the moment and I'm thinking through wether or not to stick my marriage out.

Don't exclude the kids - they're at an age where they pick up on things. And for your own piece of mind see a family law solicitor - it will help you no end in the long run.

*Louise*

At the moment - if she is offering you equal access to the kids, then don't rock the boat by bringing up the emails. If she wants to move on, then that is her choice.

In a way it's better to end it now instead of waiting until the kids are older - you really wouldn't be doing them any favours - kids can sense an atmosphere and they know when something isn't right.

In time, you may feel ready to move on to another relationship, at least you will be free if it does happen, rather than wasting your years in a 'marriage of convenience.'

Good luck, I wish you all the best x

elisebutt65

One common theme I've read in separation/divorce posts, is that the husband always moves out of the marital home?? Why????

Judges don't automatically grant custody to the motherrs these day and moving out is going to give her extra ammunition - i.e, he has nowhere for them to go to.

If she's as busy as you say, working and studying, then surely a court would look at that and sees who spends most time with the kids.

TBH - she is saying she wants out of the marriage, then show her the front door!!!!!

Anniek1969

One common theme I've read in separation/divorce posts, is that the husband always moves out of the marital home?? Why????

Judges don't automatically grant custody to the motherrs these day and moving out is going to give her extra ammunition - i.e, he has nowhere for them to go to.

If she's as busy as you say, working and studying, then surely a court would look at that and sees who spends most time with the kids.

TBH - she is saying she wants out of the marriage, then show her the front door!!!!!


Totally agree, like I said in my earlier post that kids are not always better off with their mother I know that my niece and nephew definately weren't. It should come down to who can provide a better, safer, happier environment for the kids to grow up. They've always got to come first, although the marriage is ending and the couple will both have a lot of emotional and financial hard times ahead it's the only thing the kids have ever know. Their whole world is suddenly shattered and they'll probably not understand why and sometimes blame themselves, I think that's why it's important to speak to them and be as honest as you can about the situation so that they realise that no matter what happens they have 2 parents who will always love them and they will always be the most important thing in the parents life.

It's sad when a relationship ends but sometimes you're better out of it, my brother always believed that marriage was forever and it really broke him up when it ended but now he admits that he should have got the kids out earlier as it has really messed my nephew up emotionally, he went totally off the rails and they couldn't see it as they were too wrapped up in themselves. So I would definately say that it would be better to end it sooner rather than later and you never know if you give her the opportunity to leave and you stay with the kids she might just take you up on it, after all if she's seeing someone else she might not want the kids getting in her way. Sounds like she's being pretty selfish at the moment. Time to start putting yourself before her and making decisions about what you want for the future after you sort out what's best for the kids of course.

Good luck.

jazzyjustlaw

CommandoJim wrote:

Hugh, the main thing to remember, and I know it's not much consolation, is that you're not alone. Everyone on here will give you as much support and advice as we can.

I may have misread something in your posts, but who is there for you? You say your wife has her family. I wish I had the guts and strength to talk to someone. I'm in a bum situation at the moment and I'm thinking through wether or not to stick my marriage out.

Don't exclude the kids - they're at an age where they pick up on things. And for your own piece of mind see a family law solicitor - it will help you no end in the long run.

You dont mention your situation but I wanted to say that there are people here for you too;)

jazzyjustlaw

Just because she wants out of the marriage does not automatically mean she has to leave. Conduct is not really taken into account in Divorce, Finances, or children matters although there is a lot of case law in Ancillary Relief, so I beg you please see a Solicitor as although there are well meaning people on here, they are not lawyers and although lawyers. cannot provide the support you get on here they will will provide you with the truth and you can tell them more information that you could ever provide in a forum.

I know seeing somone else is not nice but its not a criminal offence.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

I agree with Jazzy - my solicitor was a lot tougher than I would have been during my divorce, but she was totally fair and that was what was needed.

hugh_jarse

First I would just like to thank everyone who has taken time to reply to this thread. there are a lot of nice people around and I will be sending PM to the lady (and her husband)who sent me one when I know what I'm going to say.
I have had a free consultation with a solicitor who advised me not to move out although evidence has grown that she is having an affair and I cant bear living here and hearing the lies. I am very tempted to tell her what I know even though the sh*t will then hit the fan and I dont want to upset the kids unduly. The solicitor also said the courts would take kids views into account at their age and I think I will have a chance of keeping them as now I want to go for custody. She takes the kids to her mums before I get home till about 8pm then I get to see them till bedtime.
Today I looked at a flat which would be right near the kids school so very handy for them. Dont know how finance will work out though.
Anyway, just wanted to send an update and thank you all.