How to handle the OH! My fault

wobbly

Hi
Really am worrying. I have gone over my overdraft and oh has opened the letter before i sorted it out. We have separate bank accounts. I know i should not of kept it from him and he is feeling hurt and betrayed. Tonight he wants to talk about it. He has held back as he knows i am really low at the moment with major troubles at work. I am not a bad person but someone that has been stupid with money and poor budgeting. I feel i have no dignity left! I want to try and sort this problem out myself as i was stupid enough to get myself in to it, but i know oh will take over. Just dont want to hurt him anymore.
Any advise would be great Thanks

Any

At least you are troubled by it. My OH does what you do as well.

Do you know what you spent the money on? That will be the first question he will ask.

myothercarisaferrari

I'd be more upset that he opened my mail

wobbly

Not the first time he has opened my mail!

spent on everyday living! Topping up the shopping, kids dinner money, kids!! Nothing to show or it, so that makes it worse!

Any

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

I'd be more upset that he opened my mail

Some people are O.K. with these things because they have nothing to hide..

Any

wobbly wrote: »

Not the first time he has opened my mail!

spent on everyday living! Topping up the shopping, kids dinner money, kids!! Nothing to show or it, so that makes it worse!

If my OH have ever questioned me over opening his mail (not that I do it regularly, but sometimes I do if he is away and I want to make sure bills are paid) he would be out of the door within seconds. If he has something to hide then my house is seriously not place for him (and the other way round...).

If it is only for every day spending, then prepare deffence. If you have finances separate, then this might mean that he is not contributing enough towards living expenses...
Or do you think you spend too much for food?

billa_champion

Any wrote: »

Some people are O.K. with these things because they have nothing to hide..

Have to agree - I have no problem if my wife opens my mail.

wobbly

Oh does the shopping each week, mainly because i am at work. I am having to top up as the week goes on. I pay gas, electric, some of the mortgage, tv licence, council tax and sort the kids out (14 and 16yrs) He pays rest of mortgage, water rates, shopping, sky and phone bill (minimal though as mobiles) Oh earns alot more than me. We both have cars.

esmf73

Nothing much you can do - except to tell him where it's gone and to say to him that you'll try not to let it happen again - BUT it would be much easier if he would give you cash (or access to his credit card) every month that would cover it.

Or perhaps you could say to him that if he can give you cash every month to cover these expenses you will pay off the outstanding debt.

Any

wobbly wrote: »

Oh does the shopping each week, mainly because i am at work. I am having to top up as the week goes on. I pay gas, electric, some of the mortgage, tv licence, council tax and sort the kids out (14 and 16yrs) He pays rest of mortgage, water rates, shopping, sky and phone bill (minimal though as mobiles) Oh earns alot more than me. We both have cars.

This doesn't sound completely O.K to me... You say he earns much more then you? And you feel you are ending up paying more then half of the bills?
Are you sure he pays enough??

Try and sit down and work out exactly how much each of you spend on household bills. He might be paying too little, but also he might not be aware of it at all. Hiding though is not going to solve anything. You need to take your statements out and work out who spend what and where.

We have joint account for bills including food and then our own accounts. If there is no more in the joint account, then we both have to transfer a bit extra. But that rarely happens. First we worked out how much the bills are, how much the food is and then put extra £100 on top (to cover emergencies).

P.S. I do realise that joint account is not best option for everyone. By creating joint finance product you also get connected on your credit rating and if one of you has bad credit rating it affects the other person as well.
But that is also one of the reasons why I hope my OH has nothing to hide.

Oldernotwiser

What's the point in having separate bank accounts if one of you can berate the other regarding your spending?