Aggressive behaviour from DS

cavework

This will sound awfull but I am an old Mum. My son who is now 23 used to love destroying my belongings when he was about 4.
One day Mummy snapped.. he had a Webster Spider; all legs on springs..
I stamped on it! The legs flew off an poor ol Webster was legless.
I felt terrible .. honestly , my son was reduced to tears but it cured him...
He still tells me I murdered Webster!
When he threw a wobbly and he used to hit the floor and yell , I used to pick him up and remove him from the audience.. lay him back down and let him get on with it..
Like I said he is now 23 .. pretty normal and works in a retirement home for the elderly..
Just go with your instincts.
xxx

mrcow

Good lcuk - I'm glad you feel better after today. Trust me - it always gets worse before it gets better - children love pushing boundaries (it's the only way they find out where the actual boundaries are!)

vaio

mrcow wrote: »

Good lcuk - I'm glad you feel better after today. Trust me - it always gets worse before it gets better - children love pushing boundaries (it's the only way they find out where the actual boundaries are!)

Yep, I agree about the boundary pushing and I also think they feel more secure and are happier if they know where those boundaries are and they don’t change from day to day (it’s that bloody consistency thing again!!).

Doesn’t stop them having a little push every now and again though

beckseven

Spoke to Dh and he has been a little angel this evening!(dS not DH!). Expecting the next big test tomorrow after swimming tomorrow but I am prepared!

CG77

beckseven wrote: »

Spoke to Dh and he has been a little angel this evening!(dS not DH!). Expecting the next big test tomorrow after swimming tomorrow but I am prepared!

Excellent news beckseven!

Now whatever you do, don't forget to give him his car back:rotfl:, and if I were you, I'd make quite a big deal about it-clapping and cheering and generally over the top, 'Wow Mummy SAID you would get this back if you were a good boy for Daddy and you WERE! You made the right choice today! What a good boy!'

Something I once read, which makes total sense, is that if we take time and effort to sanction the child, we should make even more effort in rewarding the good behaviour.

All the best-you're doing well! As said before there will be times he does 'make the wrong choice', but he'll learn sooner or later and he'll be happier too!

CG. x

vaio

Whatever works for you CG, all parents are different

I tend not to explicitly reward good behaviour (other than a low key please/thanks for specific things) on the grounds that I want it to be the expected norm rather than to get a sticker/star/sweet or whatever.

If you are inclined to do the clapping cheering etc then do it because he’s been good, not because he’s been good for Daddy which introduces almost a separation between parents and the behaviour expected. iyswim.

CG77

vaio wrote: »

Whatever works for you CG, all parents are different

I tend not to explicitly reward good behaviour (other than a low key please/thanks for specific things) on the grounds that I want it to be the expected norm rather than to get a sticker/star/sweet or whatever.

If you are inclined to do the clapping cheering etc then do it because he’s been good, not because he’s been good for Daddy which introduces almost a separation between parents and the behaviour expected. iyswim.

Thanks vaio (although the dismissive 'whatever works for you' came across as a tad condescending if I may say-I'm sure you didn't mean it to )

You're right about the 'for daddy' bit. It should have read 'when you were with Daddy' as that's what the OP had told her DS he would need to do to get his toy back. I didn't read it as being divisive though, more that the OP wanted her DS to CONTINUE the good behaviour when she wasn't there, therefore when he was with his Daddy.

I absolutely wouldn't make a big deal of the reward ONCE he'd learnt either, but when trying to modify behaviour, it's important the wanted behaviour is rewarded, to give the child an incentive to continue that behaviour. After a while, there will be no need to make a huge deal as it will be the 'norm' for him and thus expected, but at the moment the new good behaviour is (in my opinion of course!) more likely to continue if it reinforced with a 'reward' (I use this term lightly as the only rewards my little one gets are huge amounts of praise, hugs, claps and cheers to show how pleased i am with his behaviour choices. You'll note I never mentioned sweets or stickers as I don't use them, although I know people who do and quite successfully-just not my thing).

CG. x

beckseven

I'm so forgetful at the moment that i probably would forget to give the car back! Must remember to get it out of my glove compartment tonight!

Savvy_Sue

beckseven wrote: »

I'm so forgetful at the moment that i probably would forget to give the car back! Must remember to get it out of my glove compartment tonight!

Would he LET you forget it? :rotfl:

BTW, a word about consistency, and forgive me if you've seen me say this before.

Yes, consistency is important. But we are all only human.

Please do not think that if you have had a really bad day and done the wrong thing (whatever that is - maybe murdered the spider!) that you can't do this, that it's not working, that you've failed, that you've ruined your child etc etc etc. Even if you've had a really bad week, you can still start again. You may need to apologise for whatever it was - I think children can 'get' this, you know! - and then you start again.

I have three delightful (most of the time) young men who certainly didn't have the most consistent mother. I had PND, PMT, and whatever you call it when you're just in a permanent fog of exhaustion. But they've turned out OK.

beckseven

Thanks for your lovely post savvy sue-it did sum up the way I feel sometimes that I'm the worse mother in the world etc etc and that I am failing DS in some way. I know i'm not really but I'm very hard on my self and at the moment every tiny setback feels like the worst thing ever! I have been thinking recently that perhaps I have some kind of depression at the moment because I'm suffering very badly with anxiety and i keep forgetting everything.However on the positive side DS was great at swimming today and I did give him his car back this morning. It was the only thing he played with today!