insincere apologies - acceptable?

WolfSong2000

Okay,so the saga with my flatmates continues, but I have a more general moral question.

To cut a long story short, I've pretty much withdrawn from talking to/hanging out with my 4 flatmates for various reasons...wont bore you with the details, but I've been having a s*it time of things health wise recently and just can't be bothered to exert the energy to patch things up (again) after everything that's gone on.

I blew up at one flatmate after a dirty dish was left outside my room with a note telling me to clean it - firstly, my flatmates have a habit of dumping my stuff outside my door while leaving their own lying around everywhere, and secondly the dish wasn't mine. Politely enquired of the first flatmate I came accross who'd left it there and she admitted she had as she "knew" (more like assumed) it was mine.

After a big argument a few weeks back, I have been keeping on top of my own washing up, not leaving anything dirty, etc, but am still getting blamed for other people's dirty washing...explained this to flatmate, who still insisted it was mine. I was not impressed.

Last friday she came to me and tried to apologise. I was having a really, really bad day and when I didn't immediately say "okay, all is forgiven" she blew up at me, swore, etc and stormed off. Later received a written apology from her.

Anyhow, left it alone for a few days to mull things over and was just about to go and apologise to her when I overheard her talking to another flatmate. She was saying how I was ignoring her, hadn't accepted her apology, and how she still insisted it was my dish (I suspect dish actually belonged to flatmate she was b*tching to).

Anyhow, the incident itself was relatively minor (more irritating than anything else), but I knew when she initially apologised that it was incinsere and the conversation I overheard today confirmed it. Needless to say I didn't go and apologise to her...

Anyhow, what I'm getting at is it reasonable to accept an insincere apology? If this was the first time it had happened, I may let it slide, but it's been happening for 4 years, and I reckon I've finally just...broken, I guess. She's lied to me so many times...twice we were meant to be going out to see a band together and she cancelled literally hours before hand (one time claiming she had dental pain) and I found out later it was just so she could hang out with her then boyfriend. Selfish as it sounds I'm not sure what I get out of her friendship...I have to bite my tongue over her relationship situation (cheats on every guy she's ever with, dates bad boys, etc), give her advice that she asks for but never listens to...and to top everything else, when I had to go to the hospital the other week first thing in the morning (doctor thought I had a blood clot in my lung...wasn't, but still...) and asked her if she'd come with me so I wouldn't be on my own she just said she had to go to work.

Is it wrong of me to just give up on friendships? In the past I've let things slide, but because I'm not exactly myself at the moment I'm not sure if I'm doing this for the right reasons or if I'm just being a complete and utter b*tch. I know it's not nice of me to lock myself away in my room and go out of my way to avoid my flatmates, but I really honestly want nothing to do with them. At first I put it down to my depression, but I still enjoy hanging out with the friends I have who I don't live with.

On the other hand, am I being a !!!!! for not accepting the apology and just getting on with the friendship?

I guess this is just a verbal diatribe of my thoughts right now, but like I said, I'm not quite right, so not sure if I'm making the right decision. Already given up totally on one flatmate because of events that happened over the summer but this other one, I'm not sure about...

Anyhow, any thoughts would be appreciated. At least I know you guys will be honest with me

richardw

A flatmate instead of flatmates might be easier, ever considered a 2 bedroom flat?

Buddingblonde

How much do you need a civil home? Some people are happy to rent a room and have enough outside interests etc to not have to bother with flat politics.
If it matters to you - accept it and move on. Especially recommend the moving on if you arent happy there.

System

richardw wrote: »

A flatmate instead of flatmates might be easier, ever considered a 2 bedroom flat?

That doesn't always work out better! I found that out the hard way, and i haven't shared a flat/house with her since.

WolfSong2000

Problem is I graduate next year, so only need to stick this out a few more months...on the other hand, it's only gonna get more stressful (work wise) from here on in.

Paparika

she really doesn't seem like the type of person i would want to bother with..

hold out for your remaining time.

If that was me (in your shoes) I'd be dragging her around the house asking everyone who's dish it was until the owner owned up, then tell her to apologise.

Many moons ago when i house shared, i lived with the most filthy people i could ever meet, never again

martybassman

I made a rule when i was at uni to move every year and find different flatmates to freshen things up and get a change of scenery. I'd say stick it out till you graduate, then move out and be happy, you never know it may improve your health if the stress decreases.

Good luck

tsstss7

OP that girl is not your friend - however for the sake of a few months I'd just let it be, make up whatever...you have bigger things to worry about than who did or didn't clean a dish.

You can't get on with everyone - thats just the way it goes!!

gothic_girl

I feel for you!

I resorted to keeping all my things ( crockery etc) in my room to stop everyone using it instead of washing theirs then leaving it all for me to do so I could eat! They used everything!!! Not ideal but it could save arguments because then any dishes couldnt be yours?

ailuro2

I agree, buy a set of dishes and keep them in your own room.

Yuo do need to lighten up a bit trying to share with 4 flatmaes - the other girl probably think you're over the top for going nuts baout a dirty dish one minute, then asking her to take time off work to go to hospital the next.

Keep yourself to yourself, stop eavesdropping and get through the last few months.

You won't have time to socialise anyway, accept it and keep at it - it's only a few months.

Molly41

I would advise you to move out of this situation as it will onlyget worse with your work load. You really need to be settled and secure when writing up your dissertation.