Positive vibes please - finally bitting the bullet

Donedoingdebt

Speaking from a Hubby's point of view, I would be gutted if my Wife felt she couldn't tell me stuff like debts etc, however bad they were. I would hate the thought of her having sleepless nights worrying alone about things. Easy to say, but it's only money & if he truly loves you he'll be more than willing to try his best to help you out. There are many worse things than being in debt.

LookingAhead

Hi there, I have just read this thread and am thinking about you and hoping it is going ok.

Things will get better, we all promise! This site is fantastic and you will be a new person (money wise I mean!) before you know it.

It's turned my attitude to spending & borrowing right around I can assure you!

Can't wait to hear how it went.
xx

LookingAhead

Wow to donedoingdebt I just noticed your signature!!! Fantastic! A long slog I am sure but those declining figures are amazing...

scw1

Thanks all for your words of wisdom - he is still in work at the moment due home about 9.45pm. Have all my paperwork out on the table, along with calculator and details of companies to help (payplan and cccp to name but a few I have picked up from here today). I dont know how he is going to react but I hope it will be in a good light and he doesnt want to end the marriage. He knows I havent been sleeping lately so perhaps knowing the full extent of the reason why might be a good thing. I dont know but I am still cacking it, tears in my eyes as I type because I am so so so worried. I feel like such a failure as a wife and a person for getting into such debt.

Jays

Donedoingdebt wrote:

Speaking from a Hubby's point of view, I would be gutted if my Wife felt she couldn't tell me stuff like debts etc, however bad they were. I would hate the thought of her having sleepless nights worrying alone about things. Easy to say, but it's only money & if he truly loves you he'll be more than willing to try his best to help you out. There are many worse things than being in debt.

Ahh Donedoingdebt, you sound like the nicest hubby, hope your wife knows she has a gem.

Jays

PS Good luck scw1, hope it's not as bad as you think it is going to be. Thinking about you, best wishes.

LookingAhead

Awww scw1, don't cry. You're hardly a failure. If you are - we all are too! :eek:

Come on, take stock, you're addressing the situation and you have told hubby you need to talk.

I don't want to generalise here but as I understand it, men like to feel useful so...without letting him take over, I am sure he will want to help & support you.

This is the hardest bit I promise. Once you start taking action, there will be no stopping you especially if you work as a team.

Fix him a nice drink when he gets in and be calm, take your time.

xx

lightatendoftunnel?

scw1 wrote:

Have farted around for the past 3 months with my debt and not done anything practical or told hubby about the extent of the debt. Well its finally come to a head after being unable to sleep for the past 2 months thinking about it and having to buy baby equipment & trying to sort out my maternity leave (am currently 6months pregnant). Have decided tonight is the night to tell hubby. Cant put it off any longer and am absolutely cacking myself. I know its bad (sitting here now trying to work out exactly how bad but looks around £18k will post SOA asap 4 your help) Please send me some positive vibes - am really worried he is going to majorly kick off about this and poss divorce me! I am such a stupid idiot for getting into this trouble. Have managed to have the insurance taken off my loan so payments are less each month but at the moment not small enough.

Hi scw1 hope things going ok, I was in the same boat as you two weeks ago, it was hard and words were said but OH has been great. Both he and i wish i had told him sooner so he could help me rather than the sleepless nights etc. next few weeks will be tough but you will be ok and like someone says it may bring you closer as you have nothing left to hide. Good luck xx

CosmoCat

just to say i'm thinking of you. ((((((hugs))))))

In_Search_Of_Me

Just read this and suspect you will be mid-chat...HUGE positive vibes & a big hugaro coming your way. At the end of the day you are at the hardest bit - ye olde lightbulb moment/financial rock bottom and the only way is up! It can be done and you will do it! Just hang in there...start sorting through your debt and it will come down, slowly but surely! Let us know how you get on!

homersimpson_3

feel like such a failure as a wife and a person for getting into such debt.

The first point is the vast majority of people in the country and on the forum are in debt- credit cards, loans, mortgages- and you are not a failure. You also 6 months pregnant and need to look after not only the baby but more importantly yourself. Cry as much as you want either on or off the forum.
There are countless threads on the forum basically saying one partner is substantially better at managing money than the other and it varies from relationship to relationship- sometimes it's the man, sometimes the woman or in same sex relationships it's one or the other. The point is don't feel bad because your partner it better as managing money than you.
All relationships should be based on honesty, trust. commitment and shared goals. Whilst relationships and getting out of debt can be very rewarding the reality is they can be very time consuming & sheer hard work (sometimes enjoyable- sometimes not). It is important you tell your partner- why have you not told him before? If he is better at paying bills and it is something you both agree to, feel comfortable with and feel you can trust each other with, then why not let him take lead for finances? As you get more of out of debt and possibly feel more confident perharps you can have more of an input.
Post your incomings and outgoings and the chances people on forum will save you money- I've undoubtly saved alot by following suggestions.