Nursery abuse parents get choice

ovetta2001

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8346537.stm

I don't believe the judge has passed this!!! I know I'm going to get arguments from this but its the children that need help. Why do the parents get to decide wheather or not to pretend it never happened and potentially stop their kids from getting the right help.

Grrr :mad:

milliemonster

Hmm not sure how I feel about this, obviously I don't know all the details about exactly what happened but weren't the children involved babies and young toddlers? I heard the 'experts' have said that the children should not remember the abuse and be allowed to just grow up normally now.

I am a parent myself and I can't begin to imagine how those parents must be feeling and have tried to imagine being in their shoes, I'm not sure I would want to know to be honest, I think I would just want to get on with our lives and bring my child up without the constant harrowing knowledge that they were abused by this woman, many may disagree with my thinking and perhaps I would feel completely differently if I were in there shoes, I just don't know. But I agree that they should have the choice if they want to know or if they just want to put this harrowing deal behind them and move on

Lip_Stick

ovetta2001 wrote: »

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/8346537.stm

I don't believe the judge has passed this!!! I know I'm going to get arguments from this but its the children that need help. Why do the parents get to decide wheather or not to pretend it never happened and potentially stop their kids from getting the right help.

Grrr :mad:

The reason is that the children won't remember what happened when they are older. If the parents found out that something had happened, it might affect the way the child is brought up, for the worse.

onetomany

what happens if the child does rember? im sitting on the wall on this one i agree both ways but its one of thoese things that dosent have the right anserw , i dont think it will go away in years to come small communites will still be talking about that nursery , the kids may choose to search newsapapers etc when they are older but at the same time you dont want to put ideas in kids heads im glad im not in the parents position as im sure theres lots of parents wondering as well as feelings of guilt (not that they should do )

gazza975526570

Really - why is your commnt relevant at all to this. You have, and no one does unless involved, have any idea whatsoever how they would feel.

Let the people who are involved decide - im sure they dont need people with no involvement passing any judgements. Havent they got enough to put up with.

Lip_Stick

onetomany wrote: »

what happens if the child does rember? im sitting on the wall on this one i agree both ways but its one of thoese things that dosent have the right anserw , i dont think it will go away in years to come small communites will still be talking about that nursery , the kids may choose to search newsapapers etc when they are older but at the same time you dont want to put ideas in kids heads im glad im not in the parents position as im sure theres lots of parents wondering as well as feelings of guilt (not that they should do )

I have a child who is 2 years old. Now, if he was in this nursery and could have been abused, but I never saw any difference in his behaviour why would I want to make a big deal out of it and change the way I behaved with him on normal grounds. I would of course feel more insecure when leaving my son anywhere, but if he seemed normal and uneffected what's the point in dragging it up all the time if he'd forgotton about it?

ovetta2001

My husband was abused at the age of 2. He remembers it. His family ignored it. He had to deal with it for a long time by himself. He suffers alot now from nightmares etc due to it being like a family no-no.

We have a 4 year old and if I was in that situation I would want to know. I would never tell him in less he brought it up but he would always have the help and support he needed.

Lip_Stick

onetomany wrote: »

what happens if the child does rember? im sitting on the wall on this one i agree both ways but its one of thoese things that dosent have the right anserw , i dont think it will go away in years to come small communites will still be talking about that nursery , the kids may choose to search newsapapers etc when they are older but at the same time you dont want to put ideas in kids heads im glad im not in the parents position as im sure theres lots of parents wondering as well as feelings of guilt (not that they should do )

what is worse? Growing up with parents knowing you were abused and feeling those effects, knowing it too, or growing up as normal and in 20 years hearing about what happened but not having a clue if you were involved or not. If it doesn't effect the child then why bother?

I can't remember being one or two years old... can you?

Lip_Stick

ovetta2001 wrote: »

My husband was abused at the age of 2. He remembers it. His family ignored it. He had to deal with it for a long time by himself. He suffers alot now from nightmares etc due to it being like a family no-no.

We have a 4 year old and if I was in that situation I would want to know. I would never tell him in less he brought it up but he would always have the help and support he needed.

Are you sure he doesn't 'remember' things because of what he has been told as he was growing up? For instance, I seem to remember banging pan lids together when i was an infant, but I don't really, i've just got those images from my mother telling me those things as I was growing up.

ovetta2001

I'm sure. He has suffered with many different issues for years. After a long time I finally talked him into seeing someone about it. He always described his nightmares very well including who it was but he thought he was having some weird episode. His mother always told him it was in his head.

After his father died he left the truth in his will including the police reports. His mother wanted to glaze it over. She was 'ashamed' that he didn't stand up for himself (How was he meant to a 2 years old?!?).

After this everything started making sense and he with the correct help has started to get better. It makes me so mad to think this could have been dealt with sooner. But he is getting though it now and that is what's important.

ovetta2001

Oh and on a lighter note...I don't remember being two either! I barely remember being four...