My sad story

dreameR.78

savvy wrote:

Just discovering this site can help with depression!!! Get in the Arms and have a laugh

The best bit of advice I can give you, is to almost 'file' away your debt thoughts, everytime you have one at work, mentally put it in a box file marked 'debt' and put it back on the 'shelf'...........it kinda clears your mind so you can concentrate on work.

Then when you get home you can certainly open the box file and then start working on sorting it out. What you have to think is that you can't really do a lot about the debt while you are at work so why waste time thinking about it. It's also a useful tool if it's keeping you awake at night too, train yourself to only think about it, as and when you need to

Yea, that's what I keep telling myself to do. I know there isn't much I can do about my debt while I'm sat in front of the computer at work but sometimes the feeling is overwhelming you know what I mean. I guess I just need to deal with it one step at a time. I'm not going to get rid of this mountain of debt over night so I have no choice but to learn to live with it and reduce it a month at a time.

savvy

dreameR.78 wrote:

Yea, that's what I keep telling myself to do. I know there isn't much I can do about my debt while I'm sat in front of the computer at work but sometimes the feeling is overwhelming you know what I mean. I guess I just need to deal with it one step at a time. I'm not going to get rid of this mountain of debt over night so I have no choice but to learn to live with it and reduce it a month at a time.

Attaboy! You seem like a fairly intelligent person (apart from the gambling) so I'm pretty sure you'd be able to devise a SMART goals action plan, and as you say bitesize chunks as goals is the answer

Good luck with all you do from now on

OberonSH

I'd like to add my tuppence, well done for getting it together and admitting the problem. Now you can do something about it! I second what the others have said, there's big savings to be made in your SOA.

And you say '£60, for what it's worth!' - if someone handed you £60 in the street, you wouldn't complain, would you! Every little helps. I started walking to the boundary of the weeky bus ticket, a 20 min pleasant walk and that tiny change has saved my over £650 a year.

But I must warn you - you are about to get a new addiction - THIS BOARD! Honestly, in a few months time you'll look through and wonder how on earth you managed so long without the help, support and advice they offer, and will be in danger of losing all your freinds once you start harping on about DFD, SOA's and how to save 3p on a bottle of washing up liquid.

Good luck, and stick with it!

Tr@cker

Are you sure you've quit the gambling ? I know a lot about gambling having been a gambler for 30 years, addicts often stop for a while then go back to it in a weak moment. Ive never had that level of debt but i know a lot of gamblers who have i think the first thing is a visit to the GA website and maybe go to one of their meetings. Gambling is incredibly addictive and internet gambling has seen a big increase in problem gamblers, after thati think the IVA route is right for you but you must be sure you're done with the gambling first.

Willsnarf1983

Hello matey!

right firstly 2 weeks is nothing without going without a bet, you have got that feeling where its all of your chest and things are on the up, your on a natural high but give it a few weeks and you'll start getting that urge back to play poker, play the casino etc etc. If you could handle this by yourself why are you in so much debt and also how many times have u stopped for a couple weeks and then gone straight back at it ( this i reckon is not the first time u have said this type of thing!)

two things

1) goto https://www.gamblock.com and download the file as it prevents you from gambling on your computer and if you try to it shuts the computer down. The other thing is that if you try and remover the file from the computer the likelyhood is that you will reck the computer
2) goto https://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk/share and read some of the stories and if you can go thru just last months and tell me that none of them sound anything like yourself i will be amazed.

Mate you need to get help and you need to go get advice and where better from people with the same mental illness (because that is what it is) as yourself.

Hope this helps

Will

ps pm me if u want to ( and anyone else if needs be)

p.p.s i forgot to say goto a meeting!!!

nadnad

i don't think your situation is anywhere near unfixable.

1. go to a support group for your addiction
2. your OH needs a job - if she pays 50% of the bills that £550 less for you to pay which can go a huge way towards clearing your debts.

keep posting and let us know what you think of all our ideas.

dreameR.78

I would like to thank you all for your advice and support. Not a day goes past without me paying a quick visit to this website.

Thank you very much.

Spud_2

dreameR.78 wrote:

I would like to thank you all for your advice and support. Not a day goes past without me paying a quick visit to this website.

Thank you very much.

Hello, I have just read your post and thread and wanted to say something about what happened to me.

Firstly I think you're being very strong & brave by tackling this head on and facing your family/friends by being open about it. It's definitely the first step and tells me you're very decent. You have been harsh on yourself which I can understand, but forget what you've already done and focus on the fact that you are trying to put it right which is a really positive step. When I was 26 my then fiance & I split up, he was self-employed. I had the financial stability - own home/car/full-time employment. His earnings capacity was like a rollercoaster, some days he'd earn nothing others he'd come home and lay the cash out on the bed. He moved in to my flat. I was very naive and trusting. He started asking to borrow money as he said he was investing on the stock-market (he'd previously worked at the Stock Enxchange many years ago). To cut a long story short (sorry it's getting long already!) I took out loans & credit cards in my name as I could get the credit and he had the money. This he told me was for his business and for his stock market investments.

When we split (to be fair I did the dirty and left him for someone else) he never repaid any of the debts. It wasn't until about 6 months after the split a mutual acquaintance told me he'd spotted my ex in the casino many times playing with serious cash and did I know about it. Of course I was devastated that he had lied to me to obtain funds for his gambling. I felt such a mug.

Please don't think I am hi-jacking your thread - my situation is now ok as I managed to pay the debts off (£14K) in about 4 years and now have a brilliant stable life & marriage and of course am a very happy MSE'r! My point being you are dealing with this in a very open and honest way now and you mustn't feel ashamed of what you have done. We all make mistakes in life - mine happened to be trusting someone who didn't deserve it and I had to pay for their addiction. I hope you find all the support you need on this site. One thing I would say is that you can't underestimate how much the small amounts add up and make a difference - you mention about £60 to Sky and how that's not going to go very far but it's still £720 a year - not to be sniffed at. All the best, hope I haven't waffled on too much.

Spud_2

Sorry - I'm off again now - one other thing from experience is that you definitely need a long-term plan & goal. Originally I worked out it was going to take me 8 long years to become debt free which was obviously a depressing thought. I considered selling my flat which I loved and at one stage I didn't know how I was going to pay for my food bill. But I got advice from the CAB and contacted all my creditors. I arranged to pay a set amount per month and they froze interest, it meant I could keep my flat. With a lot of effort, saving and severe cutting back plus a few suprises along the way such as a share payout for a demutalisation - I cut the time I paid it off in half. You need to be realistic and work out how long it's going to really take - it feels like a mountain now but if you set a final payment date/year you have something to work towards.

Dead_Eye_Jones

Food: £200 - we spend about £50 a week too, this includes luxury items so surely this can come down?
Cigarettes: £50 - Ouch! Stop burning ya cash asap! Good for your health too!
Mobile Phones: £60 - Ouch! Cut down on unneccessary chat. Mobile only really needs to be used if your out and about to say 'im gonna be at the pub 2 mins late' etc. I spend about £20 a year using PayG thanks to a free txt deal and no chit chat lol! Do the talking face to face!
Internet+Sky: £60 - Ouch. It never ceases to amaze me that people on low incomes spend hundreds and hundreds on Sky! You cant afford it! And lets face it, you dont need it!

GL with the probs. Start getting a grip now and dont look back, as said above you arent the first to be here for this reason, and you can beat it...