any ideas?

dipsy

RoxieW wrote: »

I agree with you - using the kids is very wrong and she is completely in the wrong for doing this. But I can understand her anger at your OH. Perhaps she feels if he supported his children she would be able to afford the flights and the break. I'm sure once his income improves - either through his business or a job - and he is able to contribute more and see them more relations will improve. I can understand bitterness from her side if she feels that she doesnt get financial or practical support from him.

Hi Roxie,

the reason she can't afford the flights is nothing to do with him, its to do with her inability to be organised, she has pontificated for weeks about booking the flights and anyone with half a brain, would know that booking flights for the Christmas period will get more expensive the longer you leave it, he had already told her that he would fit in with whatever dates worked for her.... so basically she could have booked ages ago.

Financial support can't be given where there is no money but on the practical level, he is very supportive despite the 220 + miles distance, any time his children are ill/need support he is the first person to be there.... to be honest he does more than most would and whilst I can see how frustrating it is for her on the financial front this still does not excuse her from using the kids as a negotiating tool.....

Just so not on at every level!!!

RoxieW

I appreciate your points - just trying to give you a different perspective. I totally agree that she shouldnt use the kids as weapons. But I do feel strongly that both parents should bring up children, not just one. That includes financially, practically, emotionally - all the things that your OH isnt doing at the minute. It must be very difficult due to the distance for him to do that. Could you not move closer? His children should be a priority and at the moment it doesnt seem that they are. I dont know this woman or the background but what you have told me would make me quite angry and bitter and that is when people get difficult and lose sight of the bigger picture. Perhaps your OH should get a steady job instead of the business if it is not profitable as obviously he cant pay what he doesnt have but that doesnt mean that the children suddenly stop needing all the things that kids need.
Not wanting to get into arguements with anyone - am too busy today anyway I've made my points now but I hope that they help your situation and that everyone can start putting the kids first.

RoxieW

cross posted with the above but I wish you all the best and hope it can be sorted so it works out for all involved.

dipsy

RoxieW wrote: »

I appreciate your points - just trying to give you a different perspective. I totally agree that she shouldnt use the kids as weapons. But I do feel strongly that both parents should bring up children, not just one. That includes financially, practically, emotionally - all the things that your OH isnt doing at the minute. It must be very difficult due to the distance for him to do that. Could you not move closer? His children should be a priority and at the moment it doesnt seem that they are. I dont know this woman or the background but what you have told me would make me quite angry and bitter and that is when people get difficult and lose sight of the bigger picture. Perhaps your OH should get a steady job instead of the business if it is not profitable as obviously he cant pay what he doesnt have but that doesnt mean that the children suddenly stop needing all the things that kids need.
Not wanting to get into arguements with anyone - am too busy today anyway I've made my points now but I hope that they help your situation and that everyone can start putting the kids first.

moving closer is not really an option as he has 2 other children that live about an hour away from us.....

she was the one that moved the 200 + miles away....

I totally hear what you say re the fact that if she was getting proper maintenance then she might be calmer, but in all honesty the maintenance will need to be divided between 2 sets of children and therefore I would imagine that the money she would be entitled to if he earnt say 24k would still not be enough to keep her sweet....

Im too busy for an argument also lol , its Friday and time for chilling out :-)


thanks for all your points, all valid and I do see where she is coming from, but she know by refusing him access she is hurting him, so I am guessing she is thinking maybe he has money and is witholding it?? and by doing this will make him pay, but he really hasn't got it...

I am now off to my time machine to whizz myself back to 1985 and I am going to meet my prince have kids live happily ever after and be completely oblivous to the fall out that occurs when people split up...... either that or going to the vending machine for a chocolate bar

dipsy

just went on CSA calculator and on 24k take home pay of £355 per week he would pay £61 = £122 for her and £122 for his other childrens mum per 4 week cycle


thats not alot is it..... £2.17 a day for each child..... get more in a newspaper allowance if your away from home with work....

that wouldn't even cover my kids dinner money and bus fare each day...

what a sad world we live in..... going to get my magic wand and make everything better :-) x