any ideas?

fabforty

Does your partner pay any child support, if so how much? Was he in paid employment before setting up his business, and if so why did this change, e.g. was he made redundant?

NAR

dipsy wrote: »

Im sure she will calm down, but she had told the children they wont be seeing their dad, I just can't work out what is going on in her head two little children being played with... just not on

Been there done that got t shirt. 8 years on eldest girl still estranged thanks to ex, youngest ran away from mother, now living with us and the lies they were told for years are unbelieveable!

dipsy

NAR wrote: »

Been there done that got t shirt. 8 years on eldest girl still estranged thanks to ex, youngest ran away from mother, now living with us and the lies they were told for years are unbelieveable!

sorry to ask in an open forum, but did you try yr best ... I know my OH has but every time its not to her liking, she portrays him like he dont care he loves his kids to bits...he adores each and every one of them (4)

he once turned up at midnight because of an accident... we even got the accident report sent in the post to us to prove he set of on time... she left him in Nov in car at midnight frezing...

mummy_Jay

I still can't get my head round why she changed all of a sudden even if she couldn't afford the flights any more but so be it. I can't help but think there is more to this and maybe it's something at her end that you know nothing about but something here just doesn't add up to me.

Rather than using solicisitors, how about trying to set up a mediation. Have a chat with CAB as i think you can contact the court directly and they can assist in setting this up. With out the cost or even the stirring of solicitors (as they do seem to go out of their way to prolong things and therefore stir things up).

This may sound a bit strange but both gingerbread and oneparent are single parent support groups why not give them a call (you should be able to find their number on the web), they may be able to advise you and your OH on how to set up mediation or other ideas on how to deal with this.

I hope she calms down and you get this sorted but maybe suggest your partner and her try putting agreements in writing.

Sorry if this comes a cross wrong but you said you have 2 kids at home, I'm sure he misses the other one/s but with 2 at home they need to be the priority, don't let them suffer by making your worlds revolve around the one/s that aren't there. In this time of emotional upheaval don't forget they are going to know somethings wrong even if you don't tell them.

NAR

dipsy wrote: »

sorry to ask in an open forum, but did you try yr best ... I know my OH has but every time its not to her liking, she portrays him like he dont care he loves his kids to bits...he adores each and every one of them (4).

That's ok. Antics my ex got up to, which I only got to know about from my youngest when we reconciled, were things like a meeting place near their home was arranged for me to pick the children up. My ex would tell them another meeting place, then when I didn't turn up she would tell them I didn't love them any more as I didn't come to pick them up. After this happened a couple of times the children then told her solicitor that they didn't want to see me anymore. I could have fought for custody, but at the time I didn't have my own house and had no means of looking after them properly as I worked full-time.
I know most women do not act this way and are to be commended for acting in the best interests of the kids. Unfortunately dipsy looks like your OH was married to one of the exceptions, like me. :mad:

dipsy

"Sorry if this comes a cross wrong but you said you have 2 kids at home, I'm sure he misses the other one/s but with 2 at home they need to be the priority, don't let them suffer by making your worlds revolve around the one/s that aren't there. In this time of emotional upheaval don't forget they are going to know somethings wrong even if you don't tell them."

Hi maybe I didn't make it clear he has 4 children 2 live with their mum some 200 odd miles away and the other 2 with their mum 60 miles away the 2 that are in the house are my children... not his....

RoxieW

Sorry but I dont think I'd be on the best of terms with my OH if he paid no child support, cut his visits down to once a month but wanted to have the kids on the best (in my opinion) day of the year - Christmas. Perhaps it is the situation in general that has inflamed her?
That said, she was happy enough for him to have them when she was going away but still, if I was in her shoes and my plans had changed and OH got angry when I told him that plans had changed I'd probably kick off because I dont think anyone who doesnt contribute towards a child and only see's them once a month has the right to expect anything over and above.
I dont understand why she's threatening to cut off access though. Probably said in the heat of the moment and I cant see it coming to anything so dont worry too much.

dipsy

NAR wrote: »

That's ok. Antics my ex got up to, which I only got to know about from my youngest when we reconciled, were things like a meeting place near their home was arranged for me to pick the children up. My ex would tell them another meeting place, then when I didn't turn up she would tell them I didn't love them any more as I didn't come to pick them up. After this happened a couple of times the children then told her solicitor that they didn't want to see me anymore. I could have fought for custody, but at the time I didn't have my own house and had no means of looking after them properly as I worked full-time.
I know most women do not act this way and are to be commended for acting in the best interests of the kids. Unfortunately dipsy looks like your OH was married to one of the exceptions, like me. :mad:

that is so sad, I don't get it at all, thank god I get along fine with my ex.. he is a great dad and I can't recall last time we ever fell out.....

I really don't get where she is coming from, anger at him I can understand, but using the kids is just so not on....

I want her to melt away like the witch in wizard of oz lol.... god I am being childish :-)

RoxieW

I agree with you - using the kids is very wrong and she is completely in the wrong for doing this. But I can understand her anger at your OH. Perhaps she feels if he supported his children she would be able to afford the flights and the break. I'm sure once his income improves - either through his business or a job - and he is able to contribute more and see them more relations will improve. I can understand bitterness from her side if she feels that she doesnt get financial or practical support from him.

dipsy

RoxieW wrote: »

Sorry but I dont think I'd be on the best of terms with my OH if he paid no child support, cut his visits down to once a month but wanted to have the kids on the best (in my opinion) day of the year - Christmas. Perhaps it is the situation in general that has inflamed her?
That said, she was happy enough for him to have them when she was going away but still, if I was in her shoes and my plans had changed and OH got angry when I told him that plans had changed I'd probably kick off because I dont think anyone who doesnt contribute towards a child and only see's them once a month has the right to expect anything over and above.
I dont understand why she's threatening to cut off access though. Probably said in the heat of the moment and I cant see it coming to anything so dont worry too much.

he didn't get angry with her, he just wanted to still see them at some point over Christmas... this will be the 3rd christmas and he hasn't had them or seen them on Christmas day for 3 years....

How can he pay what he doesn't have.... if he was earning he would be more than happy to pay, but you can't pay what you don't have...

and the visits were only recently cut down to once every 4 weeks so that he could find some money to pay her for school trips etc, the kids live a 4 hour one way trip away... and she expects them to stay in the area so there is a cost of accommodation on top of travelling, making it a £200 cost

its a total bloody mess, and the main victims here are the kids... they need to see their dad and when it suits her i.e. she has other plans then she is happy for him to have them and then when life is not going her way she uses them as a weapon.....

totally not on...