any ideas?

dipsy

Hi not sure if anyone can offer any pointers here

basically partners ex was going away for christmas and the children were going to be with him, now 2 days ago she announces she isn't going away and somehow its his fault.


I think basically she left booking flights too late and then couldn't afford and is therefore not going.

so .... she now says she is having the children and that she is not going to let him see them at all, between now and Christmas as he had cut his visits down from every other week to once a month due to financial constraints, i.e no money, which when he first discussed this with her she seemed ok about.

this monthly visit has only happend over the last 2 months i.e he has cut out 2 visits so far ....

however he has paid her monies for school trips etc as he was able to find the money due to not having done the trip for 2 weekends.

Now she is basically saying that she won't allow him to see the children at all... he is heartbroken and is talking about giving up seeing them at all as its too heart wrenching....

She keeps threatning to take him to court about access i.e. stopping him seeing them, surely no judge would allow this?

who can he speak with to gain access to the children?

I suspect she is just peeed off because she can't go away and is taking her anger out on him, and will calm down in a few days, but I did suggest that rather than being reactive he should be pro-active and seek advice and maybe drag her to court to explain why she is denying him access?

any thoughts?

some people really annoy me using kids like flippin pawns...... !!!!!! she is not a kid she is a 44 year old woman!!!!


grrrr im so blinkin cross...

Pee

Oh great.

The only advice I have is to speak to a solicitor. Ring one up and see about Legal Aid. You do need a really low income to be eligible.

I would say that going to court would count in your OH's favour, unless there is something she is going to say or do to convince a judge otherwise.

Whatever he does, don't let him let the contact drop - or she will tell them that he didn't care and they might believe her.

NAR

Going to court to get proper access sounds good, BUT solicitors, court fees etc - all very expensive! Let the bunny boiler cool down I think is the best plan.

red_devil

dipsy wrote: »

Hi not sure if anyone can offer any pointers here

basically partners ex was going away for christmas and the children were going to be with him, now 2 days ago she announces she isn't going away and somehow its his fault.


I think basically she left booking flights too late and then couldn't afford and is therefore not going.

so .... she now says she is having the children and that she is not going to let him see them at all, between now and Christmas as he had cut his visits down from every other week to once a month due to financial constraints, i.e no money, which when he first discussed this with her she seemed ok about.

this monthly visit has only happend over the last 2 months i.e he has cut out 2 visits so far ....

however he has paid her monies for school trips etc as he was able to find the money due to not having done the trip for 2 weekends.

Now she is basically saying that she won't allow him to see the children at all... he is heartbroken and is talking about giving up seeing them at all as its too heart wrenching....

She keeps threatning to take him to court about access i.e. stopping him seeing them, surely no judge would allow this?

who can he speak with to gain access to the children?

I suspect she is just peeed off because she can't go away and is taking her anger out on him, and will calm down in a few days, but I did suggest that rather than being reactive he should be pro-active and seek advice and maybe drag her to court to explain why she is denying him access?

any thoughts?

some people really annoy me using kids like flippin pawns...... !!!!!! she is not a kid she is a 44 year old woman!!!!


grrrr im so blinkin cross...

it never ceases to amaze me the number of people who dont realise that the child belongs to the man and the woman and think they have all the control?

Ask herself how she would like to be in the reversed position and she couldnt see her kids or as a kid she couldnt see her father/mother see what she says report back.

dipsy

Thanks for your help, think maybe she will calm down, but what a mess, one min she is fine the next she kicks off, I don't think this is ever going to change........ I wish she would run off into the sunset....... she is a right royal pain in the !!!!!!!

BitterAndTwisted

If your partner has had to cut his visits down due to financial constraints I'd recommend that he writes to his kids as often as he can. Loving letters can mean a whole lot more to the recipient than a few phone calls would.

About the no-Xmas stuff: I'd just sit tight and wait to see what happens. As you've said yourself she may cool down and be sensible about it once she's dealt with the disappointment of no travel.

dipsy

Im sure she will calm down, but she had told the children they wont be seeing their dad, I just can't work out what is going on in her head two little children being played with... just not on

does anyone know the criteria for Legal aid, does my income get taken into account?

if not he may qualify and if so maybe he should get some legal advice and instead of waiting for her to blow off again, get some resolution once and for all?

does anyone know how long the court process re access would take?

thanks

mummy_Jay

Before everyone get the pitchforks out and starts a linch mob for the mother, something has sparked this off, do you know what, are you privy to their conversations or do you just get second hand knowledge from you OH?

Could he have over reacted to a statement that didn't mean what he said, maybe she just can't make the date next month and he didn't want to move it?

Could his maintainence payments have not got to her? May be CSA have messed up or something, as a combination of reducing visits and not paying maintenance may make her thing he's not interested and that he doesn't really want to keep any continuity with the visits.

Does your OH and her not get on and wind each other up, and this time it just got of control?

Can you put yourself in her shoes and see anything that may have sparked this off. People don't normally change like this without reason and if you can work out the trigger you can try to stop it occuring again.

On the court side try and resolve this without them, it would be a heavy emotional strain on your OH, the mother and child, let alone an endless finanical drain on both sides. If would also greatly increase the communication difficulties between the two parents, so please please look on it as a last resort not the first port of call.

Pee

Are you in a household?

If so, then I think your earnings may be included. But ring a solicitor who deals with Legal Aid and they will tell you over the phone in no time. (For free.)

dipsy

thanks MJ

well its like this.....

He has very little money i.e. about £50 a week and no income as such and assessed by CSA as "£5" split between two households.

He is in process of a new business and there are no profits to speak of.

the reason the visits recently changed to once every 4 weeks rather than every other week was due to distance and the fact that their mum wants them to do activities at weekends, which I totally understand, but this comes with a cost i.e. accommodation whilst staying there

and on limited budget this is difficult to achieve.

so in this respect I can totally understand her frustrations, but this was all ok up until the other night, when suddenly she was not going away for Christmas - and it has transpired this was due to flight costs, she was booking these some weeks ago and she didn't so I am guessing costs went through the roof.

Now she is blaming him for the reason she is not going away and as such she is denying him access to the children.

He does remain calm with her and tries to accommodate but she always slags him off on the phone and in front of the children..... its a blinkin nightmare to be quite frank.....

He is heartbroken, kids are upset and she is obviously upset also.

Just want to know how this can be resolved, short of paying her £100's per month I cant see anything ever changing and the kids are 5 hours away and god knows what she is filling their heads with.

dipsy

Pee wrote: »

Are you in a household?

If so, then I think your earnings may be included. But ring a solicitor who deals with Legal Aid and they will tell you over the phone in no time. (For free.)

we live together with my 2 children, and I checked out the website it would appear they would include my income so therefore he would not be eligible, but it was a route to explore .....

thanks