relationship advise needed please

milliemonster

Absolutely agree with the above, has the mother even told the poor girl yet?, does she want to meet her father and you? tbh it seems everyone is jumping the gun thinking that this poor 15 yo child is going to be spending half the weekend with a man she has never met before whom she is suddenly told is her father.

At 15 has anyone actually asked this poor girl what she wants to do?

millie69

the girl has been asking about her dad and now the mother has decided that the truth should come out. they had an on off relationship for a while and knew eah other before that so hes not a total stranger to her mum but is to her, we are going to talk things through tonite and decide what to do. lots of tears im sure

dogcat_2

It's not going to be easy for any of you...even the 15 year old. I think as it has been said before...just one step at a time. I'm sure in time...things will sort themselves out...and she will become a welcome part of both of your lives...try not too worry too much. Good Luck.

Oldernotwiser

dogcat wrote: »

It's not going to be easy for any of you...even the 15 year old. I think as it has been said before...just one step at a time. I'm sure in time...things will sort themselves out...and she will become a welcome part of both of your lives...try not too worry too much. Good Luck.

And "one step at a time" is hardly the way you'd describe spending a whole day every week with strangers!

What would be wrong with the OP's husband taking this girl out for a burger a few times to chat and get to know each other before planning to dump her at his house for a whole day? ( Apart from anything else, she'll be coming up to GCSEs and will need this time for homework.)

Many of us wouldn't want to spend this amount of time with our close friends or near relations on a weekly basis.

zippychick

sounds like a difficult situation all round. To be honest, I can understand why you are hurt and surprised but I wouldn't really say it was his fault as such. He didn't know.

Plus the girl will be going through a lot of emotions.

I would suggest the Dad meets with her first, then can he introduce you after a few trips? Not trying to put you out of the picture, but it's a difficult situation for everyone really. I'm sure if you can have a good chat with him you will find he is possibly as scared and worried as you.:o

And you seem a little shocked at the replies, but in the nicest way possible, this is what happens when you ask "strangers" for advice.You may hear some points of view you don't want to, but that's life I'm afraid - and you didn't give a lot of information in your first post.

I'm sure you are devastated, but these things happen and personally it wouldn't make me walk away. If it happened when you were together , that would be shocking, but at least you can be thankful it didn't:beer:

All the best of luck

cakeordeath_2

millie69 wrote: »

the girl has been asking about her dad and now the mother has decided that the truth should come out. they had an on off relationship for a while and knew eah other before that so hes not a total stranger to her mum but is to her, we are going to talk things through tonite and decide what to do. lots of tears im sure

So it sounds like the girl is pushing for the contact. If she's already planning on full days with you without even meeting you both, it sounds like she's eager to make the best of the relationship, which could be a very good sign.

Good luck, hopefully when the initial shock wears off for you, you won't feel so worried.

January20

Hi Millie69, I have no real advice for you but I wanted to let you know that I really understand what you are going through as a very good friend of mine has a partner with children with more than one woman.

The posters on this board who seem to take it so casually obviously have never been through this experience. I have had long chats with my friend and without breaking her confidence, I think it is a lot of hard work dealing with stepchildren and their mothers, and it also means that every single one of your weekends is not yours anymore. You have to accomodate a young girl - a teenager and we all know that teenagers are not always easy - and put her before you and your life with your husband.

I admire my friend for what she does for the man she loves. I'm not sure I would be able to do it.

All you can do is give this girl the benefit of the doubt. Meet her. See what she is like and how your life will be affected by coming into it. And it's not just her coming into yours life, is it? It's the mother too! then you can make a decision. I wish you luck!

rachel6188

no advice just wish you the best with this situation...it mustn't be easy for you.
take one day at a time xxx