pls help, what can we do???

Kimitatsu

You need to make an appointment to see a welfare specialist adviser at your local community legal centre or your CAB. They will help you fill out all of the forms and make the appropriate appeals to get DLA for your son, and if appropriate for yourself.

Does your fiance want to give up his job or is he happy to stay where he is? As a family with small children under 7 then his company HAS to give him flexible working arrangements - if they dont then it could be construed as unfair dismissal (I know its possibly redundancy but if wants to keep his job which may be better for you then its worth mentioning)

If he is made redundant then he will be able to claim Job seekers and at that point he will also be able to apply for housing benefit and council tax benefit at the same time. Your rent will be covered up to the Local Housing Allowance rate set by your local council (either ring them or try www.entitledto.co.uk to get an idea of what they are)

As for yourself and your son - you should not have to wait this long. Has he had a referral to a specialist? If the mental health team have given you an assessment then they should be liaising with your health visitor to get you appropriate help - pick up the phone and speak to her and get her to come and visit you at home so you can have a good cry and a cup of tea and explain to her what the issues are.

Above all try not to panic, nothing has been done yet and it may not come to any of this. There is help out there, you need to contact these people and put the wheels in motion.

Take care of yourself.

Oldernotwiser

Kimitatsu wrote: »

As a family with small children under 7 then his company HAS to give him flexible working arrangements

I'm afraid that this is incorrect. They have to consider any request that might be made for flexible working but they certainly don't have to agree to it.

notlongnow_2

Why does your son go to school between 10-2? He is at full time school at five isnt he? Do you not have any friends of family you can ask for help when your boy has a bad time? If you are getting nowhere with the health visitor them can you get in touch with the school nurse? hopefully you will have a good one who will help. Your sons school will be able to give you a contact number.

I may be wrong but I dont think you will get housing benefit for all your rent if you live in a three bed house but only need two rooms, although someone else may be able to confirm this.

Good luck.

munchings-n-crunchings

Hello,

It sounds like you are really having a tough time.

Home Start is a great service, even if it gives you a person to talk to, and maybe play with the children for a while, it will help.

You really need to apply for DLA. But keep both applications completely separate.
When you apply for your son, stick to the facts about him. Your difficulties coping need to be kept separate.

Speak to your son's school, and advise them that you are going to put in an application for DLA. If they are supportive, ask them to fill in part of your son's claim pack. Sometimes they are reluctant to put pen to paper.
It will make no difference that your son has not got a final diagnosis. Think about his care needs, and what a regular 5 year old should be able to do.
Think about impulsive behaviour, how he interacts with his peer group and how he behaves out of doors.
Does your child have a paediatrician? These can be really useful for accessing other services. Inform them that you are applying for DLA.
Who has done your child's diagnosis so far?
Ask for a referral to Speech and Language, as this may help towards a diagnosis, especially if it's towards the Autistic Spectrum Disorder side of things.
As a parent, you can do a 'self referral' to speech and language.
Also, speak to someone about referring your to CAMHS, the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service. They can support you as a family, and give you techniques to help manage things at home.
Once I had been referred, I felt like they were the only ones that understood what I was going through with my daughter.

A diagnosis for your son, will not make an awful lot of difference, but it will give you some answers.

Just take one step at a time. Don't set yourself big target's that you won't achieve, but little things that you can do.

If you want to pm me, I can always have a look to see if I can see what services are available in your area.

Regards
Munchie

amandalovesbargains

thankyou all so very much, you have all been so helpful.
i am confused as to why i would only get paid for a 2 bedroom house when i have 3 children? i was told on the phone it would be three, since 2 share already and the 3rd have there own room? the 3rd room been me and my fiance's room?
i am making notes off all the services you have all suggested and i am going to call them one by one.
dylan does not go to a special school, he goes to mainstream and has 1 on 1 at all times, due to him been a danger to himself and others.
as for the respite team, they were about to be involved before he started school, and then advised me it wont be needed as he will be in school soon, he did have a peaditritian, who discharged him once he started school and then refered us to the school nurse. the health visitor doesnt help now due to him been in school also.
what i meant by a job between 10 and 2pm is dylan goes to school 9-3 but the town is 30 minutes away, so working hours would have to be between 10 and 2. for drop off anf collection. friends and family cant help. my mum cant even halp now because he is so strong he drags her over. and she woeks 4 days a week too. all the other friends i know are the ones at school already collecting there children, so cant really help, my other friends all work full time.
speach and langusge we were refered to last year as he didnt start to talk until he was 3 1/2, then all words came over night, though now he is hard to understand as all his 's and 'c' letters and 't' all come through his nose, we did see a speach therapist and a cleft palate specialist who gave us excersises for him to try and we are due to go back agaon in 6 months time.
we use to have lots of help before he started school, we had a potty trsining specialist as he didnt come out of nappied until he was well over 4. (to do with the delayed development) and we had help from out local charity that deals with special needs, they were fantastic, helped with forms , told us things we didnt even know, but not he is school they no longer help.
the educational psychologist goes in to see him every few months , he is very very intelligant, but cant write, or even hold a pen, yet computer he is a whizz. and learning games/mind games. it is the social communication side of things, and the things we normally do naturally he doesnt grasp. like cars will knock us over, general dangers, hates noises, rocking constantly ect ect. aggression, wont interact with children, only adults. braks things, eats plastic/toys. i could go on all day.
again thank you all for your kind words and advice xxx

notlongnow_2

Sorry, didnt realise you had three children (re:housing benefit)

Have you considered viewing the nearest special needs school? Maybe Dylan would be helped by specialist staff and would be helped by being around children who are of a similar disposition. Could it be frustration at his school which makes him aggressive?

A child in my boys school has cerebral palsy. She does a few days at mainstrean school and a couple of days at a speciuial needs school. Completely different situations I know, but maybe worth looking at, or even trying for a while to se if it helps your boy.

sp1987

Just thinking out loud here....but just in case! I know you say you are on a lot of medication due the difficulties you have coping with your son. If your husband were to lose his job would you be interested in being the working parent? I know this would not be possible immediately due to your difficulties and maybe not at all if your partner has better earning prospects short term, but it might be a thought long term as it would stop you being run down by the difficulties. It sounds like your partner is a bit of a rock with regard to your son but that is not to say if left on his own all day he would not need you running back from a job too, which would not help! I just know my partner would be much better than me in the same situation (I'm easily stressed, he is very practical...he is also much more physically robust so a physically demanding child would be much less hardship for him to manage than myself).

If it has been considered and is not a good idea then just ignore me, but it was just a thought!

I think a few people may have missed you have the two other children in the first post...I only caught it when I scrolled back up

amandalovesbargains

just been to the dr, she said she is going to write a letter to put in our claim form, and she will fill in what is nessesary on the dla form for marc to stay at home and care for me and the kids.
now, is this a good thing? does this mean we will get dla/carers at the rate we need? is a drs letter the key?
do i get my hopes up or not??

busterian

You say that your Fiance earns £23k. How have you been able to claim Housing Benefit?

amandalovesbargains

we dont get housing benefit???
if u read the whole thread you will know that he is working full time but needs to leave his job to look after me and our son, there for there will be no income, hence why we will need benefit.