Will I Be Ok

lilmissmup

I split up with my ex 3 months ago after 6.5yrs, he left me as we wanted different things but he also smoked the W and that was the root of it all really, we were just plodding along too, more mates really but thats because he was always smoking and could never be bothered to go out so it killed us off pretty easily, I made all the effort, cooking, cleaning, booking holidays (only times we ever did things...).

I spent a good six weeks walking around like a zombie, crying, wailing, begging him back but now I am a lot happier, I do still think of him, but I don't want him back.

I am planning on moving away and beginning my own life and I am actually excited about it.

Cannabis is a lot worse than people realise.

You will be ok I promise although it will take time xx

EDIT: Oh and move out ASAP, my ex left the day we split but I moved out of our house two weeks later into another rented one, it was bad enough being there for two weeks with memories etc, living with him would have been unimaginable hell!

Also I was with my ex since I was 18 so I know its scary on that part although I am only 25 still.

misty_blue_2

lifechange wrote: »

About a month ago my partner of 17 years decided that he no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. If I am totally honest with myself this has been coming for a long long time as the relationship has been crap for years but I have been plodding on hoping for things to change.

His timing was not great coming three months after the (sudden) death of my mother which I think makes it even worse as I haven't really started to deal with this yet.

I am intending to move into my mothers old house but as it needs quite a lot of refurbishment we have agreed that I will move when this is completed (hopefully just after Xmas).

As you can imagine the atmosphere at home now is terrible - he is being unbearable and saying things like "what if I get lucky and you are here". I have also found out that he has been hiding a cannabis habit for the past four years which I had absolutely no idea about and it makes me wonder what else he has been hiding...........

My emotions are all over the place - he has suceeded in making me feel worthless and totally eroded my self esteem and self worth. At times I feel ok about making the new start at mums old house (its not just for sentimental reasons I'm moving there - it makes financial sense, is closer to work and more importantly is near my sister's house and she is being my rock at the moment) but I also feel scared about what the future will bring - I feel that as I am 35 life has passed me by.

We have not got children so it will be a clean break - I don't think I could do the friends bit and it would hurt me so much to know that he was with someone else.

There is also a part of me hoping he will change his mind and we can plod on as before.

Sorry for the rambling on in this post i just had to get it out of my system.

Can anyone out there who has come out of a long term relationship assure me that I will be ok at some point in the future as it all feels so hopeless at the moment.......

oh love
so sorry you are going through this
will you be ok ?
of course you will, it just takes time to heal and get some umph back in you to fight back and start again
believe me if i can do it anyone can
my first hubby was very abusive and a total womaninser after i had my second child, i had no supportive family so i was on my own, and he beat me so much my kids and i had to go into a refuge for our safety
i became ill with ms and my second hubby left me alone and took all my money and just one day walked out i was bedridden at the time.
i thought my world had ended, i wanted to die there and then, a few weeks later some friends took me out and i met my now third hubby who is the most amazing man i have ever met, i certainly wasnt looking for anyone and thought no one would want me confined to a wheelchair
so please get out of that situation ASAP and give yourself some much needed tlc and make a life for yourself without him
in a few months time you will realise it is the best thing you ever did.
good luck with it all and keep your chin up

ailuro2

Get one room habitable and move - even when the bathroom or kitchen is being done up you have the other one to use and your sister's nearby for a shower (Yes, you can wash dishes in a bathroom sink, and you can have a wash at the kitchen sink.;)

IT will be better than staying under the same roof as a drug abuser.;)

katebl

Lifechange - cannabis will have made him selfish and he's wasting his life by smoking it. How did he manage to hide the habit from you - it's usually a habit that is all consuming so it just made me think how you hadn't noticed (hope you don't take offence)? You have a great opportunity here to start living, rather than existing - you're definitely not too old to start making the most of your life!

lifechange

Just thought I'd post a quick update. Mums house is progressing nicely and am hoping to get in there asap. Life with exOH is not good as it becomes more and more obvious that he has got someone else........ I know it will get better especially when I move but atm it is bad

Morglin

lifechange wrote: »

About a month ago my partner of 17 years decided that he no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. If I am totally honest with myself this has been coming for a long long time as the relationship has been crap for years but I have been plodding on hoping for things to change.

His timing was not great coming three months after the (sudden) death of my mother which I think makes it even worse as I haven't really started to deal with this yet.

I am intending to move into my mothers old house but as it needs quite a lot of refurbishment we have agreed that I will move when this is completed (hopefully just after Xmas).

As you can imagine the atmosphere at home now is terrible - he is being unbearable and saying things like "what if I get lucky and you are here". I have also found out that he has been hiding a cannabis habit for the past four years which I had absolutely no idea about and it makes me wonder what else he has been hiding...........

My emotions are all over the place - he has suceeded in making me feel worthless and totally eroded my self esteem and self worth. At times I feel ok about making the new start at mums old house (its not just for sentimental reasons I'm moving there - it makes financial sense, is closer to work and more importantly is near my sister's house and she is being my rock at the moment) but I also feel scared about what the future will bring - I feel that as I am 35 life has passed me by.

We have not got children so it will be a clean break - I don't think I could do the friends bit and it would hurt me so much to know that he was with someone else.

There is also a part of me hoping he will change his mind and we can plod on as before.

Sorry for the rambling on in this post i just had to get it out of my system.

Can anyone out there who has come out of a long term relationship assure me that I will be ok at some point in the future as it all feels so hopeless at the moment.......

I split with my husband after 30+ years of marriage, although it had been going wrong for quite a while. It was my choice to call it a day, and, five years on, I've never been happier - married to a wonderful guy and I just regret I wasted too many years with the wrong bloke..

It is difficult at times, you do have regrets at times, you feel rage at times, but you need to look on it as a new start and move forward.

Ignore his sniping, get on with your plans, and you'll probably find, in time, that it was the best thing that could have happened.

When a relationship is over, I think it's more damaging to persevere with it than to just admit it's failed and move on.

Good luck.

Lin