He spent our money on beer

LookingAhead

Good luck then Jo_R......I really hope you get through it and that he never does anything like this again. Sounds like (financially) you will need to keep him on a short leash for a while which you have said you don't like...well, unfortunately there's not much you can do about that.

I hate being the one who goes around keeping the house clean & tidy all the time but if I left it to my OH I'd have gone insane years ago....! We just have to accept sometimes that when there are only 2 of you (adults I mean) one has to take the lead in certain household roles even if we don't like it much.

Good luck...

scottishspendaholic

LookingAhead wrote:

I hate being the one who goes around keeping the house clean & tidy all the time but if I left it to my OH I'd have gone insane years ago....!

Ditto! My OH's idea of cleaning is so funny!

scottishspendaholic x

LookingAhead

Oooooh...don't get me started......:rolleyes:

In_Search_Of_Me

Big hug...hope the talk goes well. Thinking of you

dippy-dora_2

Men!! (no offence to any men reading:cool: )

Really, as you say there's nothing you can do to get that money back, enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, don't think about it and just take control of things from now on, and here's to a bonny health baby :j
as that's what's important at the minute,that you stay relaxed and stress free (and he should know this)

Batgirl

Please stick with it. My sister told me last year that she had had enough of her boyfriend and was going to throw him out, i spoke to her and told her that I am sure that if her boyfriend knew that she was feeling that strongly he would change his ways. Eventually she agreed and told him in a kind way to shape up or ship out and they agreed that they would make a huge effort for each other but have a time limit on it. If they still hadn't sorted things out in 3 months then he would be out. After this talk they made such an effort they completely forgot about the 3 month rule and are very happy together 2 years on.

My husband and I agreed years a go that if we had a problem of any kind we had to give the other a warning period to sort it out ( its a year for us, but maybe this is too long for you in the circumstances your in). I would def sit him down and have a talk because I am sure that if he knew you were thinking of splitting up it would knock him to his senses. Also if he has not changed in the alloted time then at least you have warned him and in years to come you will not look back and wish you had given it more of a go, also then you can tell the kids that you did try for a set period of time but nothing changed.

Good luck. (and as a mum of two please try and take a bit of time each day to relax a bit, it will do you and the unborn baby the world of good.) Please keep us posted on how things are going and take care x.

kar

Good luck with things.

Try to remember it must be hard for him too. He's trying to fit in at university where he's a little older than everyone else and also has a family. Everyone else spends their loan on beer there is a pull to be one of the crowd, to fit in. His friends may not even understand the concept of baby's need food, clothes etc and the peer pressure must be hard to cope with especially if there have been arguments at home and he feels distanced from everywhere.

Keeping control of the money from now on is a necessity in the short term as the main thing is getting through your maternity leave period. However i would really recommend that the 'paper' side of things is done together. Find the time to sit down and do a budget from scratch together (don't show him the one you've already done). Get him to think about money even if he's not handling it. Pin up the budget on the wall and tick off when DD's come out etc, see if he can come up with ideas to cut back, and try to make him involved in the finances but without giving him any spending power. I feel that there may be a little be of resentment inside him that he has had to give up control of his money to you. Personally I'd try to get him involved more not less so that he can see the consequences of blowing £500.

Your DD needs a materess and he spent the money for it so whats HE going to do about it. It's nearly summer holidays at university now I hope he's going to be working two jobs or more to get that money back.

I hope the pregnancy goes well and 2nd baby is born healthy and happy. Good luck on working things out together.

kar

lewolf

He's been selfish and stupid with the money but that isn't a reason to dump him. If you look at all the posts on this board where people are scared to own up to their partners about their debt, you will see that almost everyone chips in with how they should own up and that usually it works out for the best. If you go by all these posts saying 'kick him out' then I hope none of the posters are the same ones who say 'come clean' it'll be for the best too! No we don't can't have contradictions and you both have a family to think of.

Although with baby number 2 coming its important for you to keep a tight rein on the money, its equally important that he learns for himself how to budget. He will never learn if you have all the financial control and he's left to manage on what you feel is appropriate. He's a grown man who needs to understand his responsibilities and one of them is money management.

Right now you need to feel that the money is being managed well and do what you have to. But please don't get into the trap of doing it all in the long term. He'll never learn if you do it all and you will lose respect for him (and he with himself) if he can't learn to take responsibility.

Bring him on here for some tips and advice if you can. Get him to work out meals and shopping and together get more involved with the financial side of things. He'll thank you for it in the long run and both of you will respect each other more.

Good luck

Batgirl

As well as what I have written I think Kers advice is sound, and full of god ideas, if you look at the Mortgage free wannabe there is a great "A bit on the side hunt" which is full of ways to make extra money only doing a few hours on the side of your normal job ( or university in your partners case), there might be something on there he can do and maybe even enjoy for summer hols.

zzzLazyDaisy

My sister and I married within two months of each other. My marriage broke up 4 years later because he was a compulsive spender and pathalogical liar. I could no longer live with the never knowing when the next debt would crawl out of the woodwork, and the lies he told to cover up the situation. I was a single parent with a young son, but the stress had become too much to cope with and by the end I was really ill. Okay, I do know that this is the extreme end of the scale and I did go on to have a happy marriage with someone else.

My sister's husband was also a spender, useless with money and happy for her to bail him out. They didn't have children till many many years later, by which time he seemed to have grown up and accepted his responsibilities. They went on to have two lovely children and always seemed happy to me. This year my sister walked out after 30 years of marriage, fed up with his irresponsible attitude towards money and constantly having to bail out his debts.

Maybe I gave up too soon, maybe she waited too long... who knows?

But I would say, keep a careful eye on the situation, and remember you only have one life.

Hugs

Daisy