He spent our money on beer

Mirtos

Hi.
If I knew you in person and was a friend, my advice would be leave him. straight up. Obviously, it's hard to say that on the net, not knowing the ins and outs, but you've already bailed this guy out once - if the situations were reversed, would you think it was acceptable to behave the way he is doing? If the answer is no then you need to think about whether or not this guy is worth your time and money. Essentially, right now he's living responsibility free - why would he give that up? - As long as you keep bailing him out, he'll keep letting you.

Sea78

Hi,

I think that it's difficult for us to really know what you should do - as has been said, only you really know what your relationship is like and who gives what etc. However, it seems that from what you've posted it may well be worth giving hi the ultimatum of if you don't sort this out I will be off. You don't need this and after the baby is born, when everything is changed (I got a shock after number 2 actually arrived how much changed) your relaitonship needs to be fully solid or just won't survive. I'm guessing that you know this already, from what you've said before.

Big hugs to you, it's soooo difficult to sort this kind of thing out without being pregnant on top of it. See what he says to an ultimatum- it might give you the answer you need?

Sea xxxx

**purpleprincess**

I can only echo what has already been said........doesn't look good. I would end it now rather than later when he could potentially have got you into more debt.

Sibelius

I have come to the conclusion that some people really don't understand the value of money, especially if they have never had to stand on their own two feet. You can bail someone out but then find they come back expecting more and continually expect others to pay their way. Maybe rather than just taking control of the money you could sit down and budget together so he learns the true cost of living. Beer is a luxury and incredibly expensive. Anyway good luck with your new baby. I hope he/she brings you much joy.

in*the*red_6

Surely the fact that he's the father of your 2 children makes the relationship worth saving if you can - I'm quite surprised how many people are saying to up and leave. Yes he may be somewhat clueless when it comes to money but it doesn't sound like he's done this maliciously, you just need to get it through to him the implications of what he's done and that for your family's sake you're not prepared to put up with this in the future.
Believe me I know how frustrating it can be, it often seems to me that my DH puts his wants first when it comes to spending and doesn't really think of the implications - perhaps because I control the rest of the finances too and he doesn't see what needs to be paid month to month. However, he is improving and is getting a grip on what being debt-free will mean to us. I think you should give him a chance to make amends - becoming a single mother of 2 doesn't seem like the wisest option to me and, as I said before, I'm surprised this is what everyone's advising you to do.

grimelda

I really feel for you. It is such a hard situation, made even more difficult by having one child and another on the way. I can't imagine what that's like, being childfree myself. Although I have had my share of irresponsible boyfriends.

Anyway, as others have suggested I think this guy is probably not really committed to you and being a father and instead of facing it he's withdrawing and drinking. I know it's hard but you may be better off without him, especially as you've had to bail him out once already.

Little_Miss_Winner

Sorry Guys, I agree with in the red....

Surely the fact that he's the father of your 2 children makes the relationship worth saving if you can - I'm quite surprised how many people are saying to up and leave. Yes he may be somewhat clueless when it comes to money but it doesn't sound like he's done this maliciously, you just need to get it through to him the implications of what he's done and that for your family's sake you're not prepared to put up with this in the future.
Believe me I know how frustrating it can be, it often seems to me that my DH puts his wants first when it comes to spending and doesn't really think of the implications - perhaps because I control the rest of the finances too and he doesn't see what needs to be paid month to month. However, he is improving and is getting a grip on what being debt-free will mean to us. I think you should give him a chance to make amends - becoming a single mother of 2 doesn't seem like the wisest option to me and, as I said before, I'm surprised this is what everyone's advising you to do.

Although i will add, that i would also sit him down and tell him you are also thinking about splitting up, that you children MUST come fist....etc....etc.

Sort of as a shock tactic, I think he needs shocking into what he has done/may do if you don't put a stop to it.

All the best babes, pregnancy is hard enough without all the stress!

Hugs
Pot
xx

skystar

Hi Jo

I will disagree with most posters and say if that is the only problem then stick with him. You will have two kids soon for goodness sake.

I dunno if it would help to get him to read what you wrote on the thread so he understands more how you are feeling.

My hubby used to be terrible with money. When I first met him (3 and a half years ago) he would have no idea how much money had left in the bank. It was only when he was refused money at the hole in the wall he had none left. He had takeaways nearly every night, smoked like a chimney and spent whatever was left on rubbish!

This spending behaviour went on for a while after we first met but if we wanted to do something or go somewhere he never had any spare money for it :mad:

We decided it would be best if I was in control of all the money. He only has access to a savings card now for money (I top up the account every month for him). Although this may seem harsh he realises that this is for the best. Occasionally he does go into a strop and moans about only getting "pocket money" then I swiftly remind him the reason why

The money that he used to spend on what I mentioned above gets saved for holidays and treats.

Anyway I have rambled a bit now.

Take care - I have never been pregnant but I am sure that is stressfull enough (especially with another little one).

climbgirl

I also agree with in the red, it certainly doesn't sound like a good enough reason to give up on him completely - he's the father of your kids and it doesn't sound like he's acted maliciously at all. Just carelessly I think!

Definitely have a talk to him, tell him how upset you are at the thoughtless of his spending, show him the thread if you think it will help.

calleyw

You are between a rock and hard place.

You working hard and just about to have another baby.

I wonder if it he spent the money as a kind of I will show you type thing. Prehaps he feels pushed out with you having another baby. And that you are not spending enough time as couple together.

I am not saying leave or stay that is your choice and only your choice and something that none of us on this forum can tell you what to do.

I know others have said they have taken over their partners finances. That sounds rather like having another child in the house. And proves that they are not trusted and will never be. If a man did that to woman everyone would be up in arms about it. Even if they where asked to do this by the said partner.

You need to work through this. And yes he does sound a little childish. But maybe he is sick of such a tight reign on finances that is how he reacted by spending the lot.

All the best.

Yours


Calley