Suicidal and crying out for help

zztopgirl

Sorry I didnt want to hijack frankiegirls's thread anymore than I have done already, but I tried to take an overdose on tuesday and husband called police, I was assessed and sent home despite saying I felt a danger to myself, went home tried to take another overdose and police stayed with me til I calmed down and cleaned the place up. Husband took me up to A&E last night as I was threatening to harm myself and have calmed down but am just at wits end, my mum has been with me most of today.

Husband has now moved back in with me but things are extremely difficult, my mental state is putting a huge strain on us. I see a gp next wednesday and psychriatrist next monday (will take my mum along). I used to have a cpn and had help, but they keep telling me its circumstances even though I have been ill for over 20 years. I know I need to get a job though, start making friends but am such a mess, am so isolated as I used to be a carer and now have about 2 friends who have ordered me to be selfish and put myself first, but havent a clue where to start.

I want to get in touch with my old friends but expect they wont want to know anymore, and want to make new friends. I want to do something now I have the time, a hobby or anything just to know im still alive, but as oh put it, I need to get myself on the road to recovery first. I told my ex that I have had another breakdown so am expecting to not be allowed to see my kids for a while. I miss my kids so much but I just couldnt put them through this.

Its taken me a huge amount of guts to post this, and am expecting to get called allsorts for wasting police time and being an attention seeker. Again as always, my thoughts go out to frankiegirl, I desparately hope she is ok too, its a horrible situation to be in and I wouldnt wish this on anyone.

poorly_scammo

Well, I'm not going to tell you that you're a time waster at all. You sound very ill to me and given that I have suffered from depression myself, you have my empathy and sympathy.

I cannot offer many words of comfort as I know that little will comfort you, but I'll say that you need to hang in there until you see the doctor and it's a good idea to take someone along with you.

With regard to putting yourself first, start with small things like going for walk when you want to, exercise will help you feel marginally better too.

I suspect that there are some issues in your life that need sorting out, not wishing to be nosey, but doing small things instead of always giving will help.

I think at this point I'm supposed to give you big hugs in an internet style so I will and remember that you can always post on here and people will listen.

I don't post here often but read many threads and have found that this board is pretty sympathetic.

It is good to talk.

Bettyboop

Hi, It's terrible that you feel like this. I have felt a little similar myself at times. What has caused you to feel like this? I haven't seen the other thread you mentioned. Loneliness is awful and a breakdown ontop of that even worse. Please PM me if you like, I'm not online everyday but will listen and keep in touch. Take care okay, BB. x

ChinUp_2

Didn't want to read and run. I can only recommend you take any help you are offered, both from the professionals and your mother/husband/friends. Take small steps but in the right direction, it won't be easy but you will start to see the progress you are making.

I'm sure there are old friends that would want to know you that you have lost touch with. Why not try Facebook or Friends Reunited to see if you can find any? Hobbies are a great idea too - find something to enjoy.

xxxhugsxxx

onetomany

hi hun can you ring samartins? or do you have anyone one you can talk to? i realy dont no what to say as i dont no the situation but i grew up in care and and always needed my mum so im sure urs would feel the same look hun make sure u dont drink or take anything (not saying u are) just this will make things worse, trust me been their done that , just dont do anything silly hun xx sending u a big hug xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pssst

http://www.uncommonforum.com/

alwaysonthego_2

Thinking of you and hope you will feel better in time. You should not rush yourself as it will take you you time to recover. All the best xx

zztopgirl

Its been a good start posting this, when I last posted on monday I was in high spirits and then everything crashed, I lost my ydd in july due to a breakdown and now my husband, but he is here now and cant think clearly at all.

But tuesday night, my parents go out every tuesday night every week, but mum had a gut feeling and they took their mobile phone. When oh rang the police the 2nd time, he was at his mum's house but wanted to come round, the police said no cos they were trying to calm me down and knew that oh being there would just inflame matters, (oh was on the phone to one of police whilst they were with me) they said about contacting my parents but we both said no cos thought they would tell me to pull myself together. Oh came round first thing next morning and I told mum later that day when oh went back to his mum's, and she couldnt have been more supportive.

I am just reading through one of the links from FG's thread, i think i need to take one step at a time, my mum is coming round tomorrow and we are going out for a walk.

Ive got a crisis number for mental unit, and samaritans too and know I can ring them anytime, and my mum said to ring her anytime, we have had difficult times in past but think she now realises how ill I am.

Liquorice_Twirls

Hi Zztopgirl

Sounds like you've been all over the place this week and it's been a hell of a week for you. Getting help from the Doctor and Psychiatrist are going to hopefully be a good help in the medium and long run, so here's hoping they listen to you and give you the support you need.
I do hear you giving yourself a long list of "shoulds" -getting in touch with old friends, getting a job, being a bit more "selfish" toward yourself, finding a new hobby and getting yourself on the road to recovery.
That does sound like a lot of pressure all at once, even though I imagine once you have managed to do some of these things they may be helpful and supportive to you.
But you seem to have little confidence and faith in yourself - maybe my friends won't want to know and (am I reading this right?) maybe its too much for my kids to be with me now.
Can I just say baby steps are often the ones that get you the furthest. OK you got through this week and were able to ask for the help you needed - that was one huge task and I guess exhausting physically and emotionally. Well done for getting this far cos if you hadn't asked for that help the rest of the list would be irrelevant by now.
Perhaps you can put some of the other things on the "list" on hold until you've seen the psychiatrist? Could you see your kids for a couple of hours with someone around to help you manage them just so you don't feel you're not seeing them at all.
Friends and a job and a hobby don't need to be done this week but can go on your "possible future options". Cos if you keep pushing yourself to do them and feeling bad if you don't thats not going to help either, you will just feel worse about yourself.
You've had a hell of a week, but you've got to today and have had the courage to share this - you've already started to take those steps. Hugs x

leed

Having read this and other postings you have made you obviously have had a lot to contend with during your life, but it sounds as if your mum in particular has been and is very supportive. I hope you and your husband manage to start to build a new relationship. I can not pretend to understand what you are going through, but feel I need to say that should you have suceeded in taking your own life what a devastating effect it would have especially had on your children. Ideally every child needs to know the love and support of its parents and don't forget your children need you. No one else can take the place of a mother. A friend of my sisters took her own life and the effect of that was felt for many years afterwards by many people.

May I suggest you trying to find local groups where you might be able to meet new people? I will freely admit I belong to a local church (part of the New Frontiers group of churches) which is very supportive. This could be the sort of place you could find acceptance without judgement. If you want to explore this please PM me with details of the town you live in and I could see if I could find a supportive church near you?

Isaiah 41 v 10 from Message version of the Bible says
'Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.'

I shall remember you in my prayers. Keep posting! Take one step at a time - and remember 'The way to eat an elephant is one mouthful at a time'

zztopgirl

One of the pc that came round lost his mum at a young age, but they made me feel so comfortable and at ease, just kept chatting about mundane stuff.

I am scared of losing it again, my head goes completely awry and I scream at oh over ridiculous things, things that do not make any sense whatsoever, but between him and my mum and the crisis team, I will hopefully last until I can start getting help and proper medication. Im on diazepam at the moment btw, am trying to avoid taking them everyday but mum is insistant and nagged me to take one earlier this evening.