Nursery. How would you handle this?

CG77

Thanks ailuro2,

I will definitely speak to nursery and the idea of doing it while he's around is a good one for the reasons you mentioned. I'd planned to do it on the phone, so thanks for that suggestion.

With regards to the eating fruit thing, there are reasons he struggles with this, which I'm sure you'll understand I don't want to go into on an open forum, but nursery know these and i've made it clear from the start he doesn't eat certain things and that's absolutely fine. It's something we're addressing at home. We've even said if he doesn't feel hungry at all, that's fine, just let us know (which they always do) and we'll feed him when he comes home.

It's a shame really, because we thought this nursery was going to be so great when we first found it, but it's looking like we may have been mistaken unfortunately.

Thanks again so much for your replies-you're all fab to take the time to help!

CG. x

foxy-roxy

Like RebekahR, i used to work in a private day nursery, and mostly it was fine, but there were the odd few staff who were pretty harsh with children, tbh it was usually the older woman who were more strict.
I wanted to get my N.V.Q. and go on to work in a hospital, i was there for 3 years and worked with all the different ages and the staff do have there 'favourites' and do 'dislike' certain children, parents can be a factor of this as well.
Some staff got on brilliantly with some parents and therefore there children were favoured and some parents who were awkward, their children were not bothered with as much incase of upsetting child/parents.
If i were you i would explain about his dislike of fruit and tell them you deal with it at home and you make sure he gets enough the so to not force him, they could be doing it to also show the other children that they must eat all theirs.
But overall, every child is different in a nursery, some loved it and couldn't wait to get in in the morning and others hated it, even though they were treated very well.
It's difficult but i would have no qualms with putting my child in a nursery if overall they were pretty happy with it.

DVardysShadow

CG77 wrote: »

... The first time he went to nursery he was shy and told us he was (he's really good at expressing how he feels) ...
Now to my point...sorry! When I ask him why he doesn't like nursery he says he doesn't like fruit. He's never been good at eating fruit or veg and I have to 'hide' it in his food to make sure he gets it, although this is getting better. I told nursery this and said he may eat it when he sees others doing so but if not it was fine if he left it.

When we talk to him about it, and tell him just to say he doesn't like it, he says they 'tell me off'. When we ask who does, he says 'the teacher' and he says she says, 'Eat it right now' :eek:!

Treat him like an adult, because he will almost certainly remember this into adulthood. He is telling you - believe him and let him know you are acting on it.

CG77

foxy-roxy wrote: »

If i were you i would explain about his dislike of fruit and tell them you deal with it at home and you make sure he gets enough the so to not force him, they could be doing it to also show the other children that they must eat all theirs. QUOTE]

Thanks roxy, we have said this once but it looks like we'll need to say it again unfortunately!

I really hope he isn't treated differently or less well because we challenge the staff! We'll have to keep a close eye out for that happening and at that point we would have to just whip him out-it's all quite scary really!

CG. x

CG77

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Treat him like an adult, because he will almost certainly remember this into adulthood. He is telling you - believe him and let him know you are acting on it.

Thanks! I've spoken to him about it today and told him I will speak to them and tell them he doesn't need to eat it. which he seemed happy about. He's also decided and rehearsed what he will say if he's told to eat it again, I'm going to tell her ''No thank you. I don't like it and my Mummy will give me my own fruit when I get home''

CG. x

foxy-roxy

It won't be malicious but some staff after being 'told off' tend to just give the child a wide berth for fear of upsetting the child again, but it could also do the opposite, some staff could 'suck up' to the child to get in the parents good books, it's hard to say as everyone is different and every nursery will be different, that is just my experience of one nursery.
But overall if you are not happy and neither is your son then find somewhere where you both are happy and comfortable, after all nursery's are very expensive and you want the best care for your son, you are paying for it after all.
The only reason i wouldn't go back into childcare again is the money is appaling, i used to work 9 hours a day, 5 days a week for £450 a month!!! (before min wage came in) shocking considering the responsibility i had and how bloody hard work it was.
Good Luck and i hope you get it sorted.

foxy-roxy

CG77 wrote: »

Thanks! I've spoken to him about it today and told him I will speak to them and tell them he doesn't need to eat it. which he seemed happy about. He's also decided and rehearsed what he will say if he's told to eat it again, I'm going to tell her ''No thank you. I don't like it and my Mummy will give me my own fruit when I get home''

CG. x

Aww bless, he sounds lovely, i bet that would bring a smile to the staffs faces, after all you can't argue that, it would of made me smile:D

CG77

foxy-roxy wrote: »

Aww bless, he sounds lovely, i bet that would bring a smile to the staffs faces, after all you can't argue that, it would of made me smile:D

Awww thanks roxy! He is, he's absolutely adorable (not that I'm biased!)!

Today I banged my foot on the coffee table and he said, 'Don't worry Mummy daaaalin (he copies what I call him!), I'll look affa you! Sit down. I'll be back in a tick!' Off he went and came back, 'Ta-da! I've got you some...chocolate!' He produced a snack-sized milky way from behind his back (his favourite thing in the whole world!!). He then proceeded to open it and take a bite. I was just about to challenge him when he thrust the half-eaten milky way at me, saying, ever-so-seriously, 'I was just seeing if it was ok for you-I ALWAYS see if things are ok for people'!!!!

Priceless!!!

CG. x

carolan78

I haven't read all the replies sorry but your DS sounds very much like my DD. When she first started nursery she asolutely loved it, the a few month in out of the blue she would cry when she had to go, cling when I tried to leave ect ect.

When I asked her about it she would tell me they make me eat pasta, now she can be hit and miss with pasta and the nursery were aware of it. I fortunately have a good relationship with the nursery so spoke to the nursery nurses, DD was present and when it all came out she had, had a few fallings out with her friends and just didn't want to go because she could not deal with the situation. She is 3 too and I was quiet shocked by how devious she had been because she still used this excuse for months after.

Myself and the nursery nurses worked together and she is has now learned how to deal with little fallouts. Please don't take him out of nursery without trying to work with them first, if I had, had to deal with my daughters sensativity at once she was inschool the teacher may not have had the time to devote to overcoming the issue with me.

If it does turn out to be something similar or if anyone else reads this post and have a similar issue, my friend bought DD a lovely book called I'm Sorry (it is on Amazon) It is about two friends that fall out then make up at the end saying I'm sorry. The nursery borrowed the book and have read it a few times to the class. I know this certainly helped DD understand friends can fallout but they still care about eachother really x

CG77

Thanks,

Just a quick update. Little man mentioned nursery again this morning (he doesn't actually go again till next Weds!). He was happily playing with his cars when he suddenly said, 'Mummy, I'm a bit sad.' When I asked why he said 'Because I don't want to go to nursery'. I decided then to phone nursery there and then with him with me so he could hear. I called them and of course they said they don't say this and are always very sensitive so as not to provoke aversions to foods. I just reiterated to them we really don't mind what he eats and that it's important he's happy to go or we'll have to have a rethink. She said she'd talk to all the other staff members and make sure they know to be sensitive with him. She said they'll let him choose his food himself and ask him specifically if he wants things, as I explained he may well be too shy to tel them he doesn't want something if he thinks they expect him to eat it (he has come home in the past with apple stuffed in the insides of his cheeks because he thought he should eat it, but didn't like it-bless!)

Anyway, I feel more positive now and feel that if they were saying these things (which I really hope they weren't!), it should now stop, and he seems SLIGHTLY happier about the whole nursery thing, although he still says he doesn't want to go...

So thanks again all of you and I'll see how he gets on next week. Fingers crossed!

CG. x