my autistic child at school

scrimpingbadger

My boy is ASD and has just started school - although the other mums in the playground are not that friendly and I think the kids go home telling their mums what my boy has been doing wrong so invites have not been forthcoming - so I am bracing myself to invites their kids to us. Eeeek! Maybe you should work it at your place first?

I definitely understand your fears too. I worry that if he wandered off one day (unlikely cos I watch him like a hawk) he wouldn't be able to explain his plight to anyone. Some kids are more vulnerable than others.

MrsAnnie

tiannaleigh wrote: »

I think both reply's are a good idea thanks,I was worried about offending the mothers but I could just say I want to see she is happy there or something similar,thanks

Going with your DD is an excellent idea. I don't thnk that you need to overthink a reason to go with your DD to a friends house.

At 4 years old any friends mother would be understanding that you want to accompany her. And if they don't feel comfortable with you there then decline the invite.

tiannaleigh

scrimpingbadger wrote: »

My boy is ASD and has just started school - although the other mums in the playground are not that friendly and I think the kids go home telling their mums what my boy has been doing wrong so invites have not been forthcoming - so I am bracing myself to invites their kids to us. Eeeek! Maybe you should work it at your place first?

I definitely understand your fears too. I worry that if he wandered off one day (unlikely cos I watch him like a hawk) he wouldn't be able to explain his plight to anyone. Some kids are more vulnerable than others.

I think your son will be fine with the other kids soon,at first all the children hated my daughter as she was different, and she didnt understand them when they were telling her they didnt want her to play with them, she was still running and joining in there games without a clue of the situation,it was heartbreaking,I even really embarressed myself one morning by crying my eyes out when I heard all the little girls talking saying"we dont like her do we" The more I tried to stop the worse the tears came and I felt such an idiot.
Anyway They have all got used to her now,and understand her better than most adults,they just except she doesnt answer them and goes about things different,so im sure your son will fit in,I was shocked when the kids started liking her,so the invites will start to come soon ,goodluck to both of you

squidge60

tiannaleigh wrote: »

I know its a worry for all mums but as my daughter cant talk,she is unable to tell me about what she has been doing,and perhaps if situations were not quite right she would not understand this or be able to say anything,which is why I said I thought she would be an easy target

sorry:) of course your dd is more of a risk.Guess i think of children who are abused cant talk as they are scared/manipulated/threatened .I have had friends in the past with autistic children so should have given my reply more thought.

Janepig

JBD wrote: »

Yes child abuse makes me very angry.Also some children are more vulnerable than others.

Yeah, ones with abusers in their family. Because that is far and away the main place it happens.

Also, I would be a bit miffed if I invited a child home for tea and mum insisted on accompanying junior here, just in case I was a p eadophile. I do understand the OP's concerns, but even if she were to go along with her child the first few times, any potential abuser hell bent on abusing her, or any other child, would not be sitting there with a big sign above their head saying "p eadophile". Grooming takes time and it's all about winning over the child's confidence, as well as that of the parent.

Also, going back to the OP, I may be wrong but wasn't it just the one nursery teacher who abused children in her care? Not "nursery teachers". Again, someone who had seemingly built up the trust of the parents and children.

Jxx

jillybobs

OP, my son has just turned 7 and I still wouldn't let him go for tea at a friends house when I didn't know their parents. I also wouldn't be offended if I invited one of his friends and their parent came along as well. Maybe I'm too protective, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Do what ever you think is best

elfen

Get to know the parents, it's not a bad idea to let them know that she may have certain behaviours she can't control and how to deal with them. Parents are more reticent with "different" children as they think it'll scare theirs, but that doesn't seem a problem with the little ones at her school, which is really good. It wouldn't hurt to get ot know them, as that may well relax your daughter if she does go over for tea on her own (without mum) at some point.

Janepig

elfen wrote: »

Get to know the parents, it's not a bad idea to let them know that she may have certain behaviours she can't control and how to deal with them. Parents are more reticent with "different" children as they think it'll scare theirs, but that doesn't seem a problem with the little ones at her school, which is really good. It wouldn't hurt to get ot know them, as that may well relax your daughter if she does go over for tea on her own (without mum) at some point.

I think that is a good idea - from the sound if it I would say that being with parents who may not understand her behaviour would be more of a concern to me than any potential sexual abuse, and ensuring that anyone she goes to tea with understands her issues would be my priority.

Jxx

wornoutmumoftwo

My boys are 6&7 and eldest on the spectrum. I think 4 is a very young age to leave them with someone anyway, especially with people you don't know too well. I don't leave my two with anyone, whenever we go to someone's house i'm there, I chat with the parents and although I know my friends well enough to trust them (I'm miles from my home and old friends) on the few occassions I've needed a babysitter, I choose to stay and catch up on their news.

chr1sbean

scrimpingbadger wrote: »

My boy is ASD and has just started school - although the other mums in the playground are not that friendly and I think the kids go home telling their mums what my boy has been doing wrong so invites have not been forthcoming - so I am bracing myself to invites their kids to us. Eeeek! Maybe you should work it at your place first?

I definitely understand your fears too. I worry that if he wandered off one day (unlikely cos I watch him like a hawk) he wouldn't be able to explain his plight to anyone. Some kids are more vulnerable than others.

My eldest is 9 and has aspergers. im sure some of the stories about what he was up to went back to childrens parents as DS didnt get an invite for ages. he did eventually get one though and somehow he was as good as gold, and we word must have gone around because he suddenly started getting more invites and was well behaved at all of his parties!

Going off track a little, and i am not one of those parents that thinks their ASD child can do no wrong, i definately think a lot of adults are very judgemental on ASD children without even understanding the problems the child faces.