Not sure what to do....

gbatey

Hi All,

Bit of advice really for a mate of mine at work....

She's been married for about seven years and they have several children together. She works full-time whereas he looks after the children but is trying to get a business off the ground. The other day he told her that he didn't love her anymore and doesn't want to be with her-totally out of the blue! He won't leave the house because he wants to stay for the children and likewise with her (don't think she should leave surely?)

Things have got very strange and she thinks he is having an affair but won't say anything-going away at the drop of a hat, not coming home, etc-it's like he's making life really tough for her and maybe thinking she'll just leave but how can she if shes at home with the kids when he waltzes off out?!

He's also coming home with a new car (won't tell her where he has got it from) and she cannot access to anything like his phone, computer and a bank account that he has on his own. As she is the worker, the money goes into her bank account but she has no control over it as he sorts everything out on that side (pays bills, etc).

She literally has no money to go anywhere and no family to go to so she is literally stuck. She wants him out so at least she can try to move on as knows there is no hope for the marriage now. I've suggested the CAB and to change her bank account but don't know if there is anything else I can do to help her?

Any advice greatly appreciated so her and her kids can move on x

julliff

gbatey

I really feel for your friend, asI too am living with someone who I am splitting up from, and it is not at all easy.

A few questions:

do they own their house, and if so is it a joint mortgage?
does oh have access to her bank account? Or is it a jont account?

gbatey

Hi Julliff,

They have their own house but from what I gather it's in her name; with the bank account it seems to be hers too but he has her cashcard to pay all the bills and god knows what else he's doing.

Tricky situ!

Morty_007

Maybe she needs to write him a letter telling him to stop using the card then speak to the bank and report the card being used by an unauthorised person. She then has some control back because he will need to speak to her to get some money. Communicating between the 2 of them is the only way. Alternatively, move salary payment to different bank account. Same outcome. Just a few quick thoughts off the top of my head. heading for bed but I hope things work out.

Money_maker

I would be really suspicious of the new car thing, what if its been taken out in her name?

Personally I would remove cashcard from him or cancel via bank.
Open new account with no access whatsoever for him.
Pay all the bills herself.

Where is he getting the money he is spending? I would be very, very interested in knowing this were I her.

McKneff

it only takes one 1 minute phone call to stop a card.
one minute phone call to a locksmith to change the locks.

gbatey

Thanks peeps-she definately thinks something is going on with someone else but why he seems to keep 'torturing' her with these things like turning up in a car is beyond her and me. If it wasn't for the kids she would have walked out but she doesn't want to give up; do you think the CAB is the best place for some advice and support as she is literally on her own (family lives down south)?

Errata

Going missing and won't say where, new car and won't say how it's been paid for, secretive about all personal information, doesn't work ? I wouldn't be thinking 'another woman' I'd be thinking about something far more serious.

gbatey

See that's the thing-if he was having it away with someone else then surely he wouldn't kind of leave all these clues about; it's all very strange! She just wants to know whats going on and keeps asking but he just won't let up. Wish there was something I could do to help....

McKneff

gbatey wrote: »

See that's the thing-if he was having it away with someone else then surely he wouldn't kind of leave all these clues about; it's all very strange! She just wants to know whats going on and keeps asking but he just won't let up. Wish there was something I could do to help....

you could, a swift well placed knee where it will hurt:eek:

mummy_Jay

The house is in her name only, next time he goes out, she needs to change the locks. He has no rights to a house that is not in his name. She may want to seek some legal advice here but i don't think he'd have a leg to stand on.

She needs to report the card he's using as stolen and get a statement to see if there's any evidence pointing to him charging for that car or anything else on it. Change all the utility bills to her name and put them on direct debit, cancel any bills like mobile phone contracts that are for him in her name.

Wheither there's another woman or not is irrelavent, he's playing head games with her and she must try not to get sucked in, he wants her all emotional as its easier to push her around that way.

As for the car I can't think of a legal way if he's not charged it too her or been taking from her for a long time to have that kind of money, for someone without a payed job.