Fell off the wagon

cantcope

Feel better today. Really don't want my parents to pay off all my debts as I am sure they will have to make sacrifices that i should be making myself. Gonna speak to Dad today and throw in the fact that maybe once one card is paid off in full they may offer me 0% for x months which would mean i could transfer a lump from another one saving them paying some off from their savings.

I've gone through all the options but they really dont want to help me and still see me struggle. My dad was giving me £100 allowance for shopping! I told him straight away that while i was paying off my debts I can do all my shopping for £60 a month (been doing this for a while). They were very shocked but agreed that if i want to so that then fine. So thats another 40 i can give them they werent expecting.

Also, I really think i should sell my car ( i dont want to as this is the only thing i really have that keeps me happy) but i feel i should as this could pay off one of my loans nearly. However they dont want me to as they know this is how i feel about the car. Maybe I could offer to do stuff for them instead to show how grateful I am?

Was thinking maybe their ironing? Or housework. Things I know my mum struggles to do. But really i think i should sell it. I can always save for another nice car once my debts are clear

Gonna gather up a few bits to put on ebay today. Things that i dont need but parents would have noticed missing had i sold them.

I will keep you posted on developments this week. Thanks e1 x

i am going to find out when the next meeting for GA is in essex and go along

CosmoCat

it's so nice to see you in better spirits and with definite plans this morning.

and it's also really wonderful that you have such a supportive family, who are ready to be there in your hard times.

Please go to the GA meetings, i know it will help you. and now that you are holding yourself accountable for your situation, i'm sure you'll get very far with your recovery.

all the best

lynzpower

cantcope wrote:

Feel better today. Really don't want my parents to pay off all my debts as I am sure they will have to make sacrifices that i should be making myself. Gonna speak to Dad today and throw in the fact that maybe once one card is paid off in full they may offer me 0% for x months which would mean i could transfer a lump from another one saving them paying some off from their savings.

I've gone through all the options but they really dont want to help me and still see me struggle. My dad was giving me £100 allowance for shopping! I told him straight away that while i was paying off my debts I can do all my shopping for £60 a month (been doing this for a while). They were very shocked but agreed that if i want to so that then fine. So thats another 40 i can give them they werent expecting.

Also, I really think i should sell my car ( i dont want to as this is the only thing i really have that keeps me happy) but i feel i should as this could pay off one of my loans nearly. However they dont want me to as they know this is how i feel about the car. Maybe I could offer to do stuff for them instead to show how grateful I am?

Was thinking maybe their ironing? Or housework. Things I know my mum struggles to do. But really i think i should sell it. I can always save for another nice car once my debts are clear

Gonna gather up a few bits to put on ebay today. Things that i dont need but parents would have noticed missing had i sold them.

I will keep you posted on developments this week. Thanks e1 x

i am going to find out when the next meeting for GA is in essex and go along

If you can survice without your car then sell it. its only depreciating every day in any case, so you might as well. My parents sound quite a lot like yours, happy to bail out, but dont want to really concieve how much cutting back I can do. I owe my parents 2k ish, and I said oh nealry paid off my student loans, i said no, im going to give the extra to you and then ill have paid you off quicker- they couldnt concieve of it, they were like why would you want to struggle? I said well I havent struggled ever before and thats whats got me into this mess, and strugglings gonna get me out!

Good luck with GA, sounds like a great plan to me.

Lynz
x

LookingAhead

cantcope wrote:

Was thinking maybe their ironing? Or housework. Things I know my mum struggles to do. But really i think i should sell it. I can always save for another nice car once my debts are clear

Gonna gather up a few bits to put on ebay today. Things that i dont need but parents would have noticed missing had i sold them.

I will keep you posted on developments this week. Thanks e1 x

i am going to find out when the next meeting for GA is in essex and go along

Hi CC. What a difference a day makes eh? So glad you are feeling better today.

Your idea about doing things for your Mum is excellent so go for it!

To boot, I think she would really love to have you there so she can be close to you and maybe it will be a good stress reliever for her to know you are there (and loving getting her ironing done!) and not gambling or doing something else. I'm not suggesting she doesn't trust you but subconsciously maybe she would just feel better having you around and that would be better for your parents in this early stage then any financial repayments.

They will just want to know you are not going to 'fall down' again.

I hope that all makes sense.

With regards to the GA meeting, think of it this way......going along may benefit someone else even if you are not sure it is completely relevant to you. Sometimes we say things that we don't give a secodn thought to but they can provide a spark of inspiration for someone else.

Also, you may pick up a few snippets of information that you will carry with you for the rest of your life which again, may be passed on to someone else as well as helping you out.

I hope you go, it's got to be worth trying and your M&D would be so very relieved as it will be another thing to show them you are very serious about preventing this happening again. Think of it as you returning some support to them.

Good luck and again, I am so pleased for you that things are looking up.

BrokeBrunette

cantcope,

I have just finished reading through this thread and I'm really pleased that your parents can help you out. I'm speaking as both a parent and a daughter and everyone is allowed to make a mistake. I would not want to see either of my children in your situation and do nothing to help (if I was in a position to), however if it happened a second time then that is an entirely different matter. I would be gutted if I felt my children couldn't come and talk to me if they were as desperate as you yesterday.

It sounds to me as though you are going to do everything you can to pay your parents back and I think they would truly appreciate anything you can do for them to show your thanks, especially as your mum is poorly.

I did a similar thing to you about a year ago. I spent approx £400 at an online casino. I am a single parent with 2 children, and believe me that is a hell of a lot of money for me to waste. I did it out of desperation, trying to win some money. Anyway the shock of what I had done was enough to stop me ever going near them again. It took me ages to pay it off my credit card and I have never told a living soul (till now) what i had done. If I am ever tempted then I remember how ashamed I felt and that is enough to stop me. That money would have paid for so many things for me and the kids that I feel sick just thinking about it.

I hope you are feeling happier today. You have been given a second chance to sort things out and it sounds as though you will succeed. Good luck.

Chortle_2

cantcope - sounds like you have had a real rollercoaster the last few days, and I just wanted to add my support to the plethora already pledged by the wonderful DFWs!

You are very lucky to have such supportive parents (they sound very much like mine!) - and if you can do small things to show them how grateful you are (as well as paying them back!!) I am certain it will be appreciated! I have MS too, so whilst all cases of MS are different, I know what it must be like for your mum to struggle with the housework/ironing etc. (especially ironing if her MS is affected by heat as mine is) I would be over the moon if someone offered to do mine, and I am sure your mum would be the same! As for the worry/stress of your situation causing her to relapse, I am sure that now they know, and have offered to help, she will be happier about the situation, rather than worrying about you struggling because they couldn't help?

I'd also go with selling the car. Not only would it free up some money, but it may also go some way to showing your parents how committed you are to clearing the debt, and getting your life back on track. I always think that losing a prized possession can be a good thing when you're in debt, as it focuses your mind so to speak. If you've lost something that you loved through getting in to debt, and miss it, it will make you more determined to never end up back in that situation.

Good luck with everything, I admire you for admitting both your debt and your gambling problems - the only way is up!

LJD1_2

Hiya Can'tcope

I've just read this thread and whilst I realise it's not all sorted for you yet and really pleased that you're taking the first steps to sorting everything out. I think many of us know how easy it is to start on these online gambling sites. For me it was only twenty pounds on the national lottery site which i'd put on to do the weekly Saturday night draw. Then I saw the online scratch cards and had a quick go. Won £15.00 and had another go... and another....and in less than five minutes had no money left. I was about to put more in the account and thought what am i doing! Thank god i didn't carry on. It shows you're a lot stronger than you think to be able to get help and look forward. Huge hugs to you (and your friend and your mum and dad) xx

Dumyat

well done....like the sound of your attitude today..and the ironing to help your mum sounds like a good idea.

cantcope

Just thought i'd update you all.

I now have no debt to anyone other than my parents. We have worked out an affordable monthly payment which will take me about 4 years to pay it all off.

I have put my car up for sale so if that sells i can knock at least a year off that. Idea's for where i can advertise for free would be great please. I've done loot but dont know of any others. I am going to put cards up in local stores tonight.

I have joined the gamcare forum and am going to my first GA meeting tomorrow night. I am very nervous.

My parents have been fantastic. Obviously they are gutted and dazed by the whole thing. I guess I've had longer for it to sink in as although i felt the same when it first happened last year i now just feel ashamed and stupid.

Have lots of bits listed on ebay and am going to everything i can to earn extra bits of cash towards saving for gifts/car tax/insurance etc so that when it comes round again i dont need to stop my payments to folks.

Thans for all your support once again x

Ali-OK

How about saving half of any extra money you get and giving the other half as overpayment to your parents? This will help to pay off the debt quicker, even though its 0%, I'm sure your parents would appreciate your efforts and determination.

Good luck with GA - remember it's like us DFWs here, we're in the same boat and find support in each other. You'll gain the strength not to go anywhere near gambling again.

You're doing really well.