Pro and Cons for marriage/living together

donna-j_2

Bogof_Babe wrote:

Donna, at the time I made that comment about keeping options open, I was still waiting for either the OP or yourself to clarify exactly what you had against getting married. I'm not sure there has been a proper explanation yet actually, although obviously this is your business not mine. Anyway I again apologise for the annoyance you felt. It certainly is an emotive subject, and makes for an interesting debate. Everyone's views are equally valid but we will obviously have differing perspectives on it.
QUOTE]

I think I've said, or meant to, that I don't have anything against marriage, I just feel that, for us, it is unnecessary to get married to prove our commitment to each other. Obviously the legal side is a different matter, and it almost makes it worse that we will end up doing something that we feel is unnecessary, in order to protect ourselves and our child financially etc.

I don't 'hate' it, I just don't see the point.

Spendless

donna-j wrote:

Bogof_Babe wrote:

Donna, at the time I made that comment about keeping options open, I was still waiting for either the OP or yourself to clarify exactly what you had against getting married. I'm not sure there has been a proper explanation yet actually, although obviously this is your business not mine. Anyway I again apologise for the annoyance you felt. It certainly is an emotive subject, and makes for an interesting debate. Everyone's views are equally valid but we will obviously have differing perspectives on it.
QUOTE]

I think I've said, or meant to, that I don't have anything against marriage, I just feel that, for us, it is unnecessary to get married to prove our commitment to each other. Obviously the legal side is a different matter, and it almost makes it worse that we will end up doing something that we feel is unnecessary, in order to protect ourselves and our child financially etc.

I don't 'hate' it, I just don't see the point.

I think you've answered yourself there Donna. Obviously it depends on which bits apply to you. If neither of you have a pension or no intention of getting one then you don't need to take it into account. Likewise will inheritance tax affect you and so on.
One of the reasons we married was because I had to go into hospital losing our baby and I really thought I'd die. My then boyfriend (now husband) wasn't my next of kin (my parents were) and it bothered us. I know margaretclare has said it wasn't a problem re her now husband and his then wife but I'm guessing here that there was no complications, if there had have been I wonder if having Margaret as next of kin would be ok. I wonder if you could clarify Aunty Margaret?
The wedding got to me at times tbh and I married abroad and avoided most fuss. I remember telling my boss that I wanted the marriage, I just wasn't keen on the wedding that went with it.
Anyway all the best whatever you decide :beer:

Spendless

Sorry folks I've had the same problem with the edit button, I should be quoting Donna not Bogof-babe.

MushyPeas

margaretclare wrote:

In spite of my advanced age, which Jan has noted, I'm doing GCSE Maths from September. Why do I need that, with a good honours degree and a raft of professional qualifications? It's those 'gremlins' that have dogged me since childhood, I intend to squash them under my shoe, once and for all.

Off topic, but wanted to say well done for focusing on those gremlins! The BBC has a great website for adults improving their numeracy skills called Skillswise. I teach adults English and Maths, hence the recommendation

margaretclare

Hi Spendless

About being next-of-kin though unmarried, I don't know how it happened. I just remember that there never seemed to be any question about it.

DH moved in with me on 5th November 1997 and I had revision of hip replacement at the end of December. Revision is always more complicated than straightforward hip replacement, but I don't remember any question but that he would be my next-of-kin. I had daughters, but no one closer than the Midlands, some 160 or so miles away, maybe that was a factor - he was on the spot and my 'blood' relatives were a distance away? Also, that was in a BUPA hospital as was the next surgery I had in April 1998. Don't know if that made a difference?

For DH's knee surgery, there were complications. First, he's an insulin-using Type 2 diabetic, and there's always the possibility of more complications. He had the knee replacement at Stanmore and things did go wrong the following day - an abscess in his groin, he was in severe pain which wasn't explained by the knee surgery, and he was transferred to Barnet as an emergency case. I drove home from Stanmore, all round the M25, phoned round his family, then drove back to Barnet like a lunatic....Only his cousin from Wembley ever bothered to visit him, and I phoned his son, daughter and brother. It was the brother who reminded me 'you're not his wife, Margaret!' I said 'yes, I know, but he won't want HER turning up at his bedside, the divorce has almost gone through, and I don't intend to inform her!' Even though there were those complications no one questioned, I was down as next-of-kin and 'partner'.

I wonder if things have tightened up since then, for whatever reason?

Margaret Clare

nadnad

tinateaspoon - just get married, you've been together 28 years - its not like you'd be marrying him just for the money, its not as if you don't love him. It makes financial sense, no big deal - just head on down to the registry office, if won't change a thing, just give you more rights, that you should have anyway.

FZwanab

Why not just get wills made leaving things you want to to each other? this could apply to pensions issue perhaps. I think this is what gay and lesbian couples have to do and its only fair especially if you are living a long time with a partner. I had a church wedding myself and would recommend it if you are of a religious persuasion, I feel God has helped us through some problems that we may have split over if we were just boyfriend/girlfriend.

Bogof_Babe

It's probably cheaper to get married than to make two Wills!

[Deleted User]

After the latest rulings on financial settlements for ex wives (top news on BBC tonight) it looks like marriage is more beneficial in terms of protecting ones financial future if only to plan ahead in case it all goes wrong!

Courts are now at last recognising the contribution wives (usually wives but will apply in reverse to househusbands) contribute to bringing up children and staying at home.

Not sure how that will apply, if at all, to co-habiting couples who split though.

Dead_Eye_Jones

I think you should go for it, tie the knot. tbh marriage exists to celebrate the union of two people, thats the whole point of it. If you are living as a couple in a (theoreticaly) permenant manner then I think it is almost your duty to get married, its how the society that you are a member of operates.

Not doing it as a protest against the instituation just seems childish to me. Its almost like a 'im better than society' so im not going to do it reaction - 'two fingers to the rules'. 'Boo Hoo society says we should do this so im not going to' - reminds me of a teenage who hasnt got their way - time to grow up imo. Why not have the courage to embrace marriage (assuming you are in the relationship for keeps of course).

Getting married for money is as weak as not getting married to make a point against society.

GL.