Pro and Cons for marriage/living together

tinateaspoon

My partner and I have been living happily together for 28 years and have no desires to get wed. BUT, it really bugs me that (because we're not married) I won't be entitled to his company pension (apart from the lum sum) if he dies before me! He doesn't earn a lot, its just the principal of the matter - any advice\suggestions?

Tondella

At it's simplest you could just view marriage as a legal arrangement on a piece of paper, and go down the registry office and get married. It doesn't have to be all bells and whistles. I suppose it boils down to what your thoughts on marriage are and your reasons for not wanting to get married.

margaretclare

Tondella wrote:

I suppose it boils down to what your thoughts on marriage are and your reasons for not wanting to get married.

Yes, it does. If you have strong reasons for not wanting to get married, if you have objections to the state of marriage or whatever it might be, then IMHO you shouldn't compromise your principles just for monetary gain.

I was just the opposite - I got married for the second time in January 2002 because there were strong reasons why I wanted to get married. The fact that there are some financial considerations - not many, but a few! - would not have tipped my mind towards marriage if I'd really been against it.

The only 2 financial 'advantages' for us are: we're in the last age-group ever to get married people's tax allowance, which means we pay less tax; and whichever one of us dies first can inherit 100% of the other's SERPS. He has an annuity which dies with him, but his SERPS is worth approx £80 a week at present. He also inherits half of one of my annuities if I die first.

But as I said, none of that was worth getting married for, if we hadn't wanted to get married for other reasons.

Margaret Clare

fiobee

Are you concerned about the fuss involved? A registry office wedding can be very short and simple. You need to give at least two weeks notice, proof of id (birth certificates), turn up with two witnesses (a few minutes to interview all of you to check you understand what you're doing) and make the legal declarations (perhaps as little as 5 minutes if you ask the registrar to cut out all the non-essential parts). You don't need a ring or a special outfit. You don't even need to change your name. All that changes is your legal status.

margaretclare

There are 2 parts of any wedding ceremony which are essential. The first one is where you both declare that you're free to marry each other. The person conducting the marriage ceremony asks each in turn and by name: Are you, A, free to marry B? I am. Are you, B, free to marry A? I am.

The next part is when each person is asked to affirm, in the presence of all, their intention to give themself to the other in marriage. I believe that in a register office the words are: I call upon these persons here present to witness...

These 2 forms of words have to be included in any marriage ceremony but basically they are all that's necessary. Once those words are said, the registrar can then announce that A and B are husband and wife. As fiobee says, the whole thing can take 5 minutes. There is no 'fuss' involved if you don't want fuss.

I couldn't have done it that way, but there are people who can and do.

We wanted to be married in church, the simple little Methodist church where we go every week. The people there, the friends we have in that congregation, helped to make it all so joyous and so special. We could have done it just as simply and still had it in church, but it 'grew' a bit as people got to know.

Margaret Clare

Dora_the_Explorer_5

My uncle married his girl friend of over 30 years 2 days before he died so she would get his very substantial pension. Only problem is, she's left wondering if he would have married her anyway, eventually, and her memories of their marriage ceremony are tangled up with his death.
Look on it as a straightforward business transaction, after all - you can always divorce if things don't work out. If you don't get his pension, his company will profit - does he think they deserve it?

pickle

Can't he register you on his superannuation as a co-habiting partner? The government has/is bringing in a new defacto Act which will recognise unmarried couples. Maybe he could enquire with his pension provider? When the Act comes in (sorry don't know the name and not sure exactly when but I know its very soon) you should be covered I would think.

Bogof_Babe

The way I see it, the OP wants the good bits (i.e. financial security) without whatever she sees, rightly or wrongly as the down side. It's a bit like saying I don't want children but I want grandchildren. You have to make your choice and live with the consequences, both good and bad.

The act of marriage has been used for centuries to demonstrate a wish to be perceived as one unit, not two separate units each with their own agendas, independent of the other. If you don't want to throw in your lot with your partner, and go through a brief ceremony confirming your intentions, why should you benefit from the advantages of doing so?

Bogof_Babe

The way I see it, the OP wants the good bits (i.e. financial security) without whatever she sees, rightly or wrongly, as the down side. It's a bit like saying I don't want children but I want grandchildren. You have to make your choice and live with the consequences, both good and bad.

The act of marriage has been used for centuries to demonstrate a wish to be perceived as one unit, not two separate units each with their own agendas, independent of the other. If you don't want to throw in your lot with your partner, and go through a brief ceremony confirming your intentions, why should you benefit from the advantages available to those who are willing to do so?

gatita

That's a bit sanctimonious isn't it Bogof_Babe?

Thriftylady

I don't think Bogof_Babe was being sanctimonious, just stating the facts. If marriage is available to you and you choose (for whatever reason) not to get married, then you are by default choosing not to have the same legal or financial entitlements as someone who has chosen to get married. But the key here is that its a choice.