His work

nm123_2

Penny-Pincher!! wrote: »

If he is only working a couple of days a week and earning just over 20k pa then he has potential to double that if he is willing to put the effort in. I know the work market is slow atm but carpenter and tradesmen work are available especially in the south-east. Ha she looked on gumtree or advertised his services on there? A chippie where I am in the SE demand £150-£250 a day SE.

We are in the SE. I should say that he's usually got work Monday - Friday, but then he could have a week off, or he'll have a run of working away and then have nothing for a few days... It's the inconsistency that drives me mad, and that he doesn't seem able to look past the current run of work and it's not until he's not got any that he starts to realise he's not got any!

Any

Money_maker wrote: »

I really cant understand your post. You earn 40k and are cheesed off because you feel if he tried harder he could earn the same.

Many families live on half that amount - they may not be financially sound but they are happy.

How about looking on the OS board for money saving ideas? Looks like he's already saving you money by having nights in!

If you let him go, I reckon the ladies will be queueing up for him if this is his only fault.

Well, the last thing any lady I know would want is a guy who thinks like "either the work come to me or I will sit here on the sofa".

I think that what the issue here is, not the money.

nm123_2

Barneysmom wrote: »

Have you put the 80k figure in your head, that's what you want your household income to be and you won't be happy till it does?
My hubby is on IB, he's epileptic, I earn about 20k.....we have amortgage and all the other bills to pay the same as everyone else.
Life's not straightforward and yes it is frustrating to see him at home, but while he is at home, the house should be his job, the cleaning, maintenance and cooking.
It's not all about money.
I'd be rubbish at phoning for jobs and contacting people, where someone like you would be really good at it.
I'm just wondering, I hope you don't mind me saying, is it what you really want?

80k is just an example of where we could be... I'm not "aiming" for that amount...

Again, to give him credit, He is good at cooking, cleaning, washing up etc when he is off work, which is lovely... But given a choice, I'd rather be doing the washing up if it means he out working. Hell, we could probably afford a cleaner then !

nm123_2

aliasojo wrote: »

I dont think the actual income figures are the issue, it's all just down to not having the same feelings about your gameplan for life. I suspect you are fairly intense about your goals and how you'll get there, and your OH is just more laid back about it all.

Relationships are one huge compromise most of the time, you just need to find one that you both can live with.

Thanks - you're spot on re me being intense and him being laid-back. And I've reiterated to him that if he really really loves his job currently and doesn't want to make any changes, then that's cool - and it becomes down to me whether I want to live like that. But - he too is frustrated with it, gets bored if he has more than 1-2 days off in a trot, and has said he wants more for our future. It's just making it happen that seems to be the problem.

His parents never pushed him at school and always seem to be just happy with the minimum as if that that was all they "deserve". Mine were the opposite and told me I could achieve anything if I put my mind to it. I guess that's where a lot of this comes from, he's not used to putting himself out there and trying. He's also admitted that he is petrified of failure, and again, I think this is because he was never encouraged to try and taught that it was better to just take the safe route.

Ultimately, he does want more for himself, but the connection between wanting it and making it happen seems to be missing...:rolleyes:

nm123_2

Money_maker wrote: »

I really cant understand your post. You earn 40k and are cheesed off because you feel if he tried harder he could earn the same.

Again, it's not about the money - it's more about the effort. What's wrong with working hard and earning a good living?

Conversely, what is right about being lazy and not earning enough to get you to where you want to go?

Money_maker

Well, has he always worked like this in the 7 years you have been together? If so, why is it a problem now? Has he suddenly changed or is it a knock on effect from the current work climate?

TBH, what would bother me most would be when the children come along, it can be very difficult on your own if DH works away several days at a time.

nm123_2

Money_maker wrote: »

Well, has he always worked like this in the 7 years you have been together? If so, why is it a problem now? Has he suddenly changed or is it a knock on effect from the current work climate?

TBH, what would bother me most would be when the children come along, it can be very difficult on your own if DH works away several days at a time.

He used to be "employed" and made the decision to go self-employed last year. It was something we talked about a lot and decided that he should go for it because he'd be happier. Which he is. He's got himself in a situation where most of his work comes from one source, and this source is totally disorganised and it could be 10pm on a Tuesday night before OH knows if he's got work on a Wednesday. So it's frustrating for him to them be told he's not got anthing on Wednesday because its then too late to get anything else. My point is that if work on Wednesday is looking doubtful, he should be busting a gut before that point to ensure he's got something lined up.

Your point about him working away when we have children is also something I've raised.

The whole point is that whilst what he's doing now has its ups and downs, in the future it won't be conducive to sustaining our relationship - on lots of different levels.

nickyhutch

God Almighty, I wish MY OH earned 22K. Come to think of it, I wish I did, too.

smartpicture

My ex was exactly like this. When he had a job, he worked hard, but in-between did virtually nothing to sort out future work, and refused to worry about it until he was actually in a lull. I tried to suggest that a successful self-employed person should have a diary of work booked up at least a month ahead, and that he should spend the equivelent of a day a week actively looking for work rather than expecting people to come knocking at his door, but got nowhere.

I supported him for 3 years of basically playing at being self-employed, working less than half the time and wasting the rest of his time. When I finally called time on us because I'd lost any respect for him, he surprised me (and himself) by actually pulling his finger out and making a proper go of it, basically by doing all the things I'd been suggesting for years to get out there and find work. He has admitted to me since that I made life too easy for him, and there was little incentive to get off his backside and get full-time work because he knew the bills would get paid from my salary anyway so why worry? Fundamentally, we had different views on work and contributing equally to a relationship, so it was always going to be an uphill struggle, and you have to decide if it's the same for you.

The other thing to consider is that maybe he's just not cut out to be self-employed, not everyone is. Lots of people think they can work for themselves because they're good at whatever their job is. But being self-employed is one third about doing the job, one third about controlling the paperwork and the money coming in and going out, and one third about selling your skills to find the work, and you have to be good at all three, and self-motivated enought to do all three. If he wants to continue with this, then he has to treat it like a proper business. For example, that means looking for work elsewhere and booking it in, then if the other guy rings with work for the next day, saying I'm sorry I'm fully booked but could come on Friday, but if you could give me a bit more notice next time then I will priorotise your work. It may just be a case of acknowledging that he's not cut out for being self-employed, and it would be better to look for a full-time job again.

nm123_2

smartpicture wrote: »

The other thing to consider is that maybe he's just not cut out to be self-employed, not everyone is. Lots of people think they can work for themselves because they're good at whatever their job is. But being self-employed is one third about doing the job, one third about controlling the paperwork and the money coming in and going out, and one third about selling your skills to find the work, and you have to be good at all three, and self-motivated enought to do all three. If he wants to continue with this, then he has to treat it like a proper business. For example, that means looking for work elsewhere and booking it in, then if the other guy rings with work for the next day, saying I'm sorry I'm fully booked but could come on Friday, but if you could give me a bit more notice next time then I will priorotise your work. It may just be a case of acknowledging that he's not cut out for being self-employed, and it would be better to look for a full-time job again.

Thank you. We were talking about this last night and he's said he's going to ensure he's got at least 2 weeks definite work lined up going forward, which is a good start. At the moment he does event work (set building etc) so it's very time critical. But there are other people he could go to for more traditional chippy work so that's the direction he wants to head in - even though the event stuff is more "exciting".

We did discuss whether being employed would "suit" him better, but he really wants his own business and doesn't want to always be working for someone else.