OH is driving me mental regarding money

springclean

hmm, this is why money breaks up relationships, and i do understand your upset. the trouble is, if you are the guardian of the money pot (how he sees it, you see it as taking in hand your problem), you end up having a mother/child relationship, which i can tell you does not work. eventually the child grows up and doesn't need 'mummy' - or like my marriage, after 11 years mummy got sick of looking after another kid when she went on to have 2 real children to cope with as well.

you've already said you are the big bad wolf, so he sees you as being in charge and denying him what he wants. believe me it's a slippery slope, and a marriage works best when you are on equal levels.

same with the suit thing for the visa. you went out and got it, and he had no idea what lengths you went to, so can't understand why you're miffed, so you're doubly miffed because he is insensitive to your upset as well.

we are talking consequence and action. you are both taking over and doing things for them, so they are not taking responsibility for themselves. let them grow up and get their own suit, and sort their cash flow.

until your debt is sorted, can you discuss having a joint fund for household expenses, then a separate account for your own money? then if OH is short mid month, he only has himself to blame.

TangledMemories_2

We have two joint accounts....the wages go into one which is where the bills come out...and the remainder goes into another which is used for fuel, food etc.

Zazen999

TangledMemories wrote: »

We have two joint accounts....the wages go into one which is where the bills come out...and the remainder goes into another which is used for fuel, food etc.

The food/fuel needs to be budgeted for and kept in the bills account; the remainder from that can then be used for spends. That's where you are going askew....

Stephb1986_2

I don't have any mates to go with as I work from home I don't get out much all my mates have kids and husbands.

I'm not particularly bothered about going on my own I'd probably have a better time! My mum is going to Thailand the day before I go to New York so she's really worried about me, I am 23! But it is my first holiday without her. I know how to look after myself though.

It's just that his attitude stinks right now it's driving me mad I'm gonna have to tell him that his attitude stinks because I'm on the verge of murdering him, I've done everything I can do to make this easier for him if I could go in the bloody embassy I would do but thats the only thing I can't do, I have to wait round bloody London until he's finished I don't know my way round I don't know anyone there atleast he's somewhere safe. I'm just really at the stage with him that I'm not bothered anymore either he wears the shirt and tie or he doesn't but if he isn't allowed to come we're over I know that sounds a bit drastic but I've had enough of the earache off him, I book a non smoking hotel by accident he's told every man and his dog about it to make me feel like a fool, I didn't do it on purpose! I thought he would be chuffed that I was paying for him to come to New York with me all he needs is spends and money for food.

Anyone want to come with me?

Steph xx

jenhug

I thought all hotels in the US are non smoking now? They had the ban before we did.

Zazen999

All hotels in NYC ARE non smoking; he sounds like a muppet.

All the decent ones, anyway.

TangledMemories_2

I'll come with you Steph...lol

Steel_2

I'll come with you! In a flash.

I think Springclean has a good point - when you do lots for them, they come to expect it and start treating you like their mother, which includes putting their bottom lip out when they see you as restricting them from having what they want.

I'm with zazen999 on keeping everything separate and then dividing a little fun money between you. If he runs out before the end of the month, tough. He could always sell something on ebay if he wants to raise some cash (and don't sub him, even if he begs!)

I can always tell when my husband has run out of fun money - a pile of stuff will appear outside the garage or be brought down from the loft and there's a sudden flurry of activity on ebay :rotfl:

Zazen999

OI!!!

I said to go anyway so I've got first dibs on accompanying Steph. Jeez!!!

Any

Zazen999 wrote: »

The food/fuel needs to be budgeted for and kept in the bills account; the remainder from that can then be used for spends. That's where you are going askew....

I agree.
We have joint account for bills and food and our own accounts from which we pay for our hobby's etc. (we don't have children but I take it you don't either?)
My OH is exactly like yours. He earns much more money then me but have huge amount of debts which I am managing for the past 3 years. It worked at last and now he finally took it on board and is trying to pay them off (obviously from his part of spending money-it's his debt he made before he met me).
Now I am in different muddle - even though he earn much more then me, he has much more money to spend (even after paying off the debts) he still manages to spend quite a lot on lunches and drinks etc so when it comes to home improvements (which unfortunately are not part of our joint account payment) if I want anything doing (even buying just bl**dy sideboard in clearance sale!!) he is not sure he can afford it that month!!
So if I want anything doing I get it myself and then later get his half of the bill from him. .
So now I put the SO to joint account by £50 each and that is going in the savings account for this sort of things..

Men - do we really need them???