OH is driving me mental regarding money

TangledMemories_2

Hi All

Sorry to have to vent all this here...but I'm seriously ready to implode!:mad:

Just had the 3rd evening this week of OH pulling his face because he's "sick of working his backside off " to have no money at the end of it.
JOIN THE CLUB!

My hair desperately needs cutting and my acrylic nails that I had done for our wedding on 14th August are badly coming away but I daren't use £20 to have them removed professionally

He's already forked out £275 this month on paying some of his tool supplier bills - £175 on paying off a £1000 tool box he apparently "needed" but due to his new job is now sat in our garage...£100 on the other two.

I'd put £50 to one side for him to go out with a club he's in at the end of the month for the first time in yonks (to keep him happy I thought...) but then one of the other blokes in the group has gone and told him he can have a spare gearbox out of the car he's selling....for £50....so because I said for him to choose between the two...I'm the big bad wolf.:mad:

I'm trying my hardest to get some of our debts paid off quicker to relieve the pressure and to stop us both from working our backsides off for naff all....but he just keeps moaning and then wanting to spend money we haven't got.....

I even went to the extremes of printing off our SOA from here and showing him in to show him I'm not trying to rob him blind...didn't seem to work

So frustrated

maggied_2

Oh TM I really feel for you - my XH was just like this. Obviously we didn't find a solution!!

Can you divide the money up so you both put in a certain amount which leaves you £X per week to spend on yourselves? At least then you'd have some money to yourself and wouldn't resent him so much - and he might realise he's spending beyond his means.

It's so annoying when one person won't pull their weight - especially when you have debts.

narabanekeater

for the nails got to the chemist and buy a bottle on acetone for about a pound. Put in an old saucer and put the nails in it to 'bath them' after about 20 mins they will have come off. The acetone melts then it may take a little longer than 20 mins but its the same stuff they use in salons

Stephb1986_2

I just chopped mine off with a pair of big scissors now my natural nails are a right mess with gouges in and alsorts

Steph xx

TangledMemories_2

Thanks guys
I filed my nails right down last night, so hopefully it'll make it easier to take them off.

OH turned round to me last night after 2 hours of being in separate rooms and asked me if we were in more debt than he is aware of....I told him no, but thanks for the vote of confidence.

Went to bed in silence.
I feel like a criminal when all I'm trying to do is get us sorted...but he just doesn't see it....all he sees is me being a monster and not letting him have all his own way.

Stephb1986_2

I know where your coming from, I'm going to London tomorrow night we have to go because my OH has a criminal record and we're going to the US embassy so he can come to New York with me in December, On the abroad travel board someone mentioned that he should wear a suit so he looks more presentable I though oh poo yesterday stopped my work (i work from home) ran out to manchester (over 30 miles away) to get him a white shirt, tie and trousers from marks and spencers then I had to come home and finish the rest of my work which i only finished at gone 4pm I start again at 6pm. When I told him that I had bought him a shirt, tie and trousers for this his reply was "I'm not going to a job interview" I said "you don't have to wear it all day we can find somewhere for you to get changed" and his reply was "cheers"

I mean !!!!!! I'm trying to bloody help!! Atleast he didn't have to wake up and go out and get his own clothes!

I don't know eh! Men!!! grr!

Steph xx

TangledMemories_2

I'm sure they have a time of the month just like us.
It's as though the fact I was in tears last night meant naff all to him

Stephb1986_2

TangledMemories wrote: »

I'm sure they have a time of the month just like us.
It's as though the fact I was in tears last night meant naff all to him

Are we going out with the same bloke?

for the last week we have done nothing but argue really I'm sick to death of it now. I wouldn't mind so much but I'm the one paying for us both to go to New York and if they do say no to his visa I either 1, go on my own and lose the money for him. 2, just cancel it and lose all the money

I'm so stressed out about it all it's unbelievable and he's acting like a t!t!!

Steph xx

TangledMemories_2

The thing is....my OH is normally the one telling me not to worry..."we always find a way out of it"..
This time he's being self centred saying he's the one sick of working and getting nothing to show for it.....he asked me last night what I wanted him to do about it, so I said "stop making me feel like I'm on my own in this." and he said absolutely nothing.

floss2

Stephb1986 wrote: »

... I'm the one paying for us both to go to New York and if they do say no to his visa I either 1, go on my own and lose the money for him. 2, just cancel it and lose all the money ...

If they do say "No", then do you have a mate who could go with you instead?

Zazen999

Stephb1986 wrote: »

Are we going out with the same bloke?

for the last week we have done nothing but argue really I'm sick to death of it now. I wouldn't mind so much but I'm the one paying for us both to go to New York and if they do say no to his visa I either 1, go on my own and lose the money for him. 2, just cancel it and lose all the money

I'm so stressed out about it all it's unbelievable and he's acting like a t!t!!

Steph xx

Steph - if they do turn him down - don't be afraid of going on your own - my first trip to NY I went on my own as my chum who was coming had to pull out due to her brother having a surprise wedding that weekend.....and I had a fabulous time.

The only way to deal with situations like the OPs is to safely put away in a separate account ALL the cash for the bills; and then see what is left and share it out from there. Otherwise it eats into bill money and that's when the trouble starts.