Partner does not trust me as a Dad

londoner1998

whitewing wrote: »

Yes, I agree with you on that. I understand why (I think) your partner is acting like that.

I do agree that as your daughter is living with you, other family members don't need to be involved in anything other than how they were before your partner went away. It would irritate me deeply if someone was around 'checking up on me'. I think you are well within your rights to politely tell the relatives to back off.

I agree with this too. It seems ot me it is a matter of control (we alpha-females wanting to control everythig, even remotely!). I think it is your right to let them know you are doing jus fine and need no 'patrolling'... but please (by my wn experience), be diplomatic in your dealing with her family- I wouldn't go down the route of 'back off', but rather 'YOu don't need to worry about anything, it is all ticking off nicely and I am really enjoying this- You can rest assured that I will give you a call if I get stuck' :cool:- it is important for you both that your partner relaxes a bit and starts trusting you with it- I agre eit probably has nothign to do with you, but she needs to let go- the girl is with you and as as such , you look after her.
I remmebr your original post and I am glad you are enjoying looking after your daughter- mypartner is the same and it is a joy to see dad's being so hands-on...
Well done, keep up the hard work

The_Banker_5

Wow. She must really need those studies.

I couldnt leave my family for 6 days never mind 6 months.:eek: Although I could maybe understand blokes working away from home but not the mother, and not that length of time. At 7 years old a daughter needs her mother.

Having said that I am sure you are doing a good job OP.

SandC

She is likely just feeling guilty and worried and hasn't considered how well you are going to cope with things.

The only thing you can do is go about things exactly as planned and prove, without having to say a word, that you are more than capable of looking after your daughter without being checked up on.

Her mother and sister will realise this in a very short time and will no doubt leave you to it.

pinkshoes

I would just politely thank her for the offer of help, but let her know that you and daughter are doing just fine! Perhaps take some piccies of daughter in some girly clothes and email them to her, to show you're not dressing her as a boy.

(or, if your daughter is up for some dressing up, dress her up in horrendous clothes with her hair in a mess, mud on her face etc... letting her know you're having NO problems whatsoever...)

Tinuel

The_Banker wrote: »

Wow. She must really need those studies.

I couldnt leave my family for 6 days never mind 6 months.:eek: Although I could maybe understand blokes working away from home but not the mother, and not that length of time. At 7 years old a daughter needs her mother.

Having said that I am sure you are doing a good job OP.

Hi Banker,
It was a good job offer from a university in Miami plus the sponshorship to do a masters degree at the same instituition, they wanted for longer but she wants to stay till December only. So, for her personally, 6 months is a good investment career wise, and she will have another institute and experience to add on the CV.

galvanizersbaby

Tinuel wrote: »

A few months ago I posted here about my partner going to the US for study purposes for a few months from Julty till December.
In the end it was decided that rather than my daughter going she would stay here with me. It's all going well, she attends afterschool club and all, but now I am noticing something sad and surprising.
She does not trust me as Dad. She does not think that I can do what a "mother" can. She implied that her mother or sister should come round to check if my daughter is well dressed, well groomed and they should be in charge of those girlie things, like picking what she wears, take her out shopping... What am I?

Am I just the guy that picks up and drops of at school? Am I the guy that helps paying the bills, am I the guy that takes her to cinema, park, am I just that? She has always been a very full-on mum, and I understand it's difficult to be away for a few months but I am also a parent.

This came as huge suprise to me and has affected my relationship. She is asking her family to go around and decide what a 7 year old should do, leaving me to the side...

Hi Tinuel
I remember your first thread too - glad to hear things are going well for you and your daughter - I do think you may be reading a little too much in to things.

My first thought reading your post made me think of my daughter and her dad (we are divorced but have shared care of our children)
My DD is much younger than yours but she likes her hair styled a certain way and her dad has tried but with the best will in the world hairdressing isn't really his bag.:D
She is too little to style it herself and has to wear it up for school so she is dropped with me first thing every morning so I can do this for her.
Similarly with clothes her dad wouldn't attempt to take her clothes shopping (the last time he did he brought her boys trousers by mistake)

We just have a little laugh about it really - having said that dad is quite happy to leave the girlie stuff to me and I tend to leave the boys stuff to him (we have a son also)
BTW - I am not insinuating that you wouldn't pick her out nice clothes or help her with her hair if needed - it may be just my ex hubbie that hasn't a clue but he would be happy for me to post this

I am sure it's not a case of not trusting you as a dad - just a girl thing

Tinuel

pinkshoes wrote: »

I would just politely thank her for the offer of help, but let her know that you and daughter are doing just fine! Perhaps take some piccies of daughter in some girly clothes and email them to her, to show you're not dressing her as a boy.

Great idea, thanks. She sees her on the webcam but I will also send some pics.

Tinuel

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Hi Tinuel
I do think you may be reading a little too much in to things.
I am sure it's not a case of not trusting you as a dad - just a girl thing

Ok, I can accept defeat and see when I am wrong, as the majority of you indicate, I am reading too much into things...

Cheers all for making me see things from another angle

Rockporkchop

Believe me, your partner trusts you implicitly. She must do, to let her DD stay at home with you while she is away in the US.

I would second what everyone else has said but for me personally, I would want some more females around my DD to get the proper details of her life and the gossip! When I ask my DH about my DD's day, he will give me a short account of the actual day. However if the DD has spent the day with a female relative I will get a blow by blow account of the day - where they went, what the house was like, what they wore, what the other mums were like, etc etc, basically every single tiny detail that women like to hear. Men just don't retain the same information!!

I remember your last post too OP and I am really pleased that you and your OH are giving things another go. Wishing you the very best of luck for the future as a happy family.

marshmallows

she probably doesnt mean it the way it is coming across but just tell tell her you are the childs father so you are more than capable of caring for her and she doesnt need to worry so much