I have had enough of my marriage

sonsbear

How would he react if you suggeted separation?

I'm not seriously suggesting you go this route I just want you to consider what his reaction would be.

I (like many) found marriage hard at times and felt I was doing everything and that being a single parent would be easier. In some ways it has been. However, it has also been the worst year ever.

Divorce sounds easy but you have kids. There's also the long term implications - you will never be free of that person and the hassle of divorce you wouldn't believe.

How old are you? Qualifications? What ages are your children? I am 46, have a degree and can only get a low paid job because I've been out of the work market for so long. You my have to pay childcare out of your low wages. Don't assume that because your kids are older that they will be self sufficient or won't need you. Mine actually need me more and many people with older kids will tell you the same - they can very easily go off the rails.

What I'm going to say sounds very easy but it isn't:

1. Get off the drink - I'm not against it but it doesn't help your current state of mind.
2. Go to doctors - you might be better off with anti-depressants to take you through the worst. Whether you can accept it or not you need help.
3. Learn to relax - I use mindfulness and I find it invaluable. I thought I'd never fit it into the schedule but now I need to do it and ditto the above.
4. Tell him how you feel. He probably has noticed and he might be unhappy too.
5. Go to marriage guidance with our without him - Relate or Marriage Care (this last one is run by the catholic church but is not a religious session and they are very good. In fact, go to the first couple on your own.
4. I think you need a break. I would suggest you go away - maybe to your own country for 3-4 weeks on your own. He can manage.
5. Spend some time and money on yourself - go to a Local Authority Gym and go regularly. The energy rush it gives you is great. Join an evening class or something.
6. Saving money isn't everything in life and your husband can afford it. I'm not saying go mad. I'm saying invest something in yourself and your marriage.

Divorce is expensive. Mine has cost me nearly £7,000 so far. Not many people can get legal aid and it isn't free either. Plus in your situation you will need a good solicitor who fights for you. Someone being paid half of what they could earn isn't going to be motivated to get the best deal for you.

When you're ready you might feel pro-active enough to take him out. Or find an activity you can do together even if it is a game of badminton and a coffee after. Going to the park isn't much of an inspiration - set your sights a bit higher.