I have had enough of my marriage

pinkpong

Thanks I am just europien, but I don`t think it matters as I am very selfsufishend as far as childcare matters. I love the bit when you change the taste the next day. I do love cooking and the rest, but would love somebody to coment on that occasionaly. He is not a nasty one, but just not an amotional one or paying too much attention. Sure I am not asking all the time, he does have plenty of time for his hobby, too.

Money_maker

Hi Pinkpong, just wondering if there is a big age difference between you? That may account for his old fashioned attitude and the parent/child type relationship?

jinky67

Viper_7 wrote: »

So he works, support you and the kids, wants some free time on an evening after working, and yet that's not good enough?
You expect him to do the cooking/house work too? you expect him to take you out all the time?
So, when he does do the cooking and the cleaning what would you be doing - ah yes getting drunk.

I think you are completely out of order:cool:

The OP is here offloading, she feels bad enough

I dont think she really needs that kind of input

pinkpong

Yes there is 13 years gap, obviously he is the older one.
i allways believed that hte age didn`t matter.

Money_maker

I think you really need to sit down and talk to him as adult to adult not child to adult. Not tonight, but when you are stone cold sober. Explain how you have been feeling and give him options of ways to help make things better. You don't sound very close to each other so spending time together would help. Perhaps you could do something together that he would enjoy - a day out somewhere?

This could all be down to poor communication and perhaps a little warmth from both parties could help the relationship to become close again.

pinkpong

Money_maker wrote: »

I think you really need to sit down and talk to him as adult to adult not child to adult. Not tonight, but when you are stone cold sober. Explain how you have been feeling and give him options of ways to help make things better. You don't sound very close to each other so spending time together would help. Perhaps you could do something together that he would enjoy - a day out somewhere?

This could all be down to poor communication and perhaps a little warmth from both parties could help the relationship to become close again.

You are so right, but it does seem to be very hard thing to do. I am the one who starts telling him how I fell and wht I would wish him to do, he eather does not want to hear or listens sometimes. What ever he desides to do seems to last two days exactly. Not sure where I go wrong there.

I will have a large hot chocolate now and go to sleep. Hopefully will be stronger to talk to him tomorrow.

Thank you so much people for reading this and responding, it allways helps to hear other peoples opinion, whoever liked or not.

tiff

Take care pinkpong, hope you feel better tomorrow x

esmf73

Pink pong, My husband sounds exactly like yours - anything he does (apart from his computer) is done grudgingly as if he is doing me a favour! I decided that I'd had enough and that it was affecting my two children.

However I also got real and looked at the economic climate, my skills and myself. I decided not to leave him, but to make more of a life for myself and my children. Yes my kids drive me mad and can be hard work (one boy might have Asperger Syndrome), but I want to spend the time with them. I've looked for jobs, but as I've been out of work for 5 years due to having the kids most employers don't pick me first.

I've become involved in the playgroup of DS2 and volunteer there every week and do things in the local community - charity shop work, cake baking for various fetes and things. Meaning I get out and about a bit more.

As for myself - well the finding of my first crop of grey hairs has meant that I've taken a good look at myself. I need to lose weight and to tone up, so I'm getting more exercise by walking the dogs and taking the kids out on their bikes. I could also do with being a bit more modern maybe, so I'm looking through my wardrobe trying to update it and searching charity shops for anything I need.

Its taking my mind off him and if he wants to live stuck in the past and on his computer - then thats his problem. I only have one life and I'm going to live it.

Hope that you can manage too. Where are you in the UK? Perhaps you're close to someone on here and could have a coffee or something?

Best of luck - hope your hangover isn't too bad. I always end up driving or getting up with the kids in the early hours so it's been a while since i had a drink!

mum26

Pinkpong I think many if not even a majority of women will understand and sympathise with your op, I know I certainly do!

I also know that I don't mind doing those things when they are appreciated, noticed and a little effort is made to keep things tidy (i.e shoes put away instead of left where he steps out of them, dirty clothes put in the wash basket rather than the floor etc), I'm happy to run the house but i'm not happy to be treated like a slave.

I also understand about the computer/hobby/tv thing, although my dp's hobby appears to be sitting on his backside! He gets up just after 4pm and his bum is on the sofa by 6pm every day without fail and there it stays until 8.30 when he gets ready for work. Head in the laptop, legs stretched out so noone else gets to sit down, selfish and stupid.

I'm just storing all the resentment up until I get to pick his care home

Oldernotwiser

mum26 wrote: »

I also know that I don't mind doing those things when they are appreciated, noticed and a little effort is made to keep things tidy (i.e shoes put away instead of left where he steps out of them, dirty clothes put in the wash basket rather than the floor etc), I'm happy to run the house but i'm not happy to be treated like a slave.

)

It's also important to remember that appreciation has to run both ways. The OP said "Apart from earning the dosh which is important I know, this man does nothing much else." which sounds as if she doesn't appreciate what he does for the family either.

Whoever's right or wrong it's probably better to change your own behaviour first as that's within your control, hoping that the other person involved will reciprocate.