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I want to break free........

Is it possible to be addicted to feeling bad about yourself..........

I have decicided that i am addicted to self sabotage and negativity. I start things that make me feel really good and then the negativity creeps in and i stop. For example a couple of weeks ago when I was off work I decided to join a gym and go on a diet, everything was great I went to the gym 5 times in that first week and really really enjoyed it and I felt fantastic and even managed to loose 4lbs, then the following week I used every excuse in the book not to go and have only been back once since. This makes me feel bad because I am now paying for a membership and not going when the simple thing would be to go to the gym as I know I will feel good about myself when i do but i just can't get there, what is wrong with me. I feel great when I eat well and look after myself and I really notice the difference when i overeat and eat choc/crisps ect I actually prefer 'healthy stuff' so why do i stuff myself full of rubbish when I know how it makes me feel. The same goes for money, I am in debt, I know what i need to do to get myself out of it but I just can't seem to make the changes that i need to, I do for a couple of days then the boardem sets in and I give up. God I sound pathetic don't I. I just need to find a way to stay motivated, i will write in this diary everyday to track my progress and hopefully stay on the straight and narrow.
cc & o/d debts 4/2/11 - 12209.
total joint debts 4/2/11 - 25877.
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Comments

  • Goals for today,

    turn off laptop
    get out of bed
    dishes and quick tidy
    get dressed
    walk to post office (aprox 20 mins each way so wil count as exersise for today)
    pay car tax and gas bill, apart from that a no spend day
    eat healthy
    try not to smoke.
    ironing pile and get work stuff ready for tommorrow,
    make a nice packed lunch for tommorrow.

    back later with update.
    cc & o/d debts 4/2/11 - 12209.
    total joint debts 4/2/11 - 25877.
  • Hi BP

    No point beating yourself up - it just makes you feel worse. You do need to try and go back to the gym - and make the most of the membership - for value for money, for the endorphins released by the exercise and for the positive effect it will have on your health.

    You can sort out your debts but it does require action and self discipline. Perhaps you need to do a statement of affairs at make sense of cards and post it here and just see where you can perhaps trim back your budget

    Bye for now - and good luck
    Achieve FIRE/Mortgage Neutrality in 2030
    1) MFW Nov 21 £202K now £171.8K Equity 36.37%
    2) £2.6K Net savings after CCs 10/10/25
    3) Mortgage neutral by 06/30 (AVC £27.9K + Lump Sums DB £4.6K + (25% of SIPP 1.25K) = 34/£127.5K target 26.6% 10/10/25
    (If took bigger lump sum = 60.35K or 47.6%)
    4) FI Age 60 income target £17.1/30K 57% (if mortgage and debts repaid - need more otherwise) (If bigger lump sum £15.8/30K 52.67%)
    5) SIPP £5K updated 10/10/25
  • Hi Savingholmes,

    I have done an soa in the past but never posted it as it was just too scary and i find that i taylor it to what i think i should be spending instead of what i actually am, stupid i know and i will re-do it soon as i am still 2 weeks away from my next pay day. I am determined to go back to the gym tommorrow after work as my oh goes to his gym on mon,weds,fri and is quite disaplined so he will drop me off and pick me up on his way home. It all seems so easy when writing it down but tommorrow 'll use every excuse in the book (bad day at work, hurt my finger, headache) i've even been known to stay late at work (unpaid) to avoid going. I have been a member of many gyms over the last 15 years or so...........

    I am actually feeling positive today and have just got back from post office, 10min walk each way so that can count as my exersise for today. i have come to the realisation that i am a very negative person by nature even though apart from the debt i have very little to worry about but i will moan about anything and everything and i now want to change as it is a missarable way to live your live. I am going to pop over to the old-style board as they have a great thread on there called 5 oldstyle pleasures in your day which i find quite usefull when i am feeling low.

    back later X
    cc & o/d debts 4/2/11 - 12209.
    total joint debts 4/2/11 - 25877.
  • savingholmes
    savingholmes Posts: 29,087 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Hi BP

    I wonder whether your low self-esteem is at the root of your spending problems. It may be worth trying to get some counselling or cognitive behaviour therapy. If you ever watch the programme spendaholics - it often demonstrates a link between things that have "happened to you" and spending habits. I know once I realised how compulsive I was about spending it was easier to face up to it and start dealing with it. I am a lot better than I was but am still not perfect by any means.

    Just a thought....
    Achieve FIRE/Mortgage Neutrality in 2030
    1) MFW Nov 21 £202K now £171.8K Equity 36.37%
    2) £2.6K Net savings after CCs 10/10/25
    3) Mortgage neutral by 06/30 (AVC £27.9K + Lump Sums DB £4.6K + (25% of SIPP 1.25K) = 34/£127.5K target 26.6% 10/10/25
    (If took bigger lump sum = 60.35K or 47.6%)
    4) FI Age 60 income target £17.1/30K 57% (if mortgage and debts repaid - need more otherwise) (If bigger lump sum £15.8/30K 52.67%)
    5) SIPP £5K updated 10/10/25
  • Sun_Addict
    Sun_Addict Posts: 24,391 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Hi Badpenny

    I read in a fitness magazine that if you're not looking forward to going to the gym to just tell yourself you'll only do 20 or 30 minutes and then go. Most people end up staying longer. I often tell myself if I run on the treadmill for 30 minutes then I can have a glass of wine. If I don't then I can't. Works a treat!

    Good luck with everything and I really hope you start to feel more positive soon!
    I get knocked down but I get up again (Chumbawamba, Tubthumping)
  • Katy83
    Katy83 Posts: 531 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Sun_Addict wrote: »
    Hi Badpenny

    I read in a fitness magazine that if you're not looking forward to going to the gym to just tell yourself you'll only do 20 or 30 minutes and then go. Most people end up staying longer. I often tell myself if I run on the treadmill for 30 minutes then I can have a glass of wine. If I don't then I can't. Works a treat!

    Good luck with everything and I really hope you start to feel more positive soon!

    I would definitely second this trick. I often think I'll just do 10 minutes each on two bits of equipment and then leave or go in the jacuzzi. Usually end up doing more and if I don't then at least I did what I said I was going to do. Maybe try and not do everything all at once too, why not try and plan on going to the gym twice this week for a start?
    LBM 17th August 2009 Debt at LBM £18,612 Proud to be dealing with my debts.
  • Hi,
    back again, yes my spending habits are definatly linked to my emotions as are my eating habits. today has been my dayoff work which is definatly one of my danger times with eating and spending but today i have managed to keep myself busy and apart from paying my utilitie bills i havn't spent any money at all, normally i would do some grocery shopping weather or not we actually needed it or at the very least buy myself a couple of glossy mags and some cigs. I havn't overeaten at all and nor have i smoked and apart from one twang just after my lunch i havn't wanted to. I have packed my gym kit ready for my session after work tommorrow and i will do 1hour. I feel really positive today and i need to carry on with this feeling as i like it.!
    cc & o/d debts 4/2/11 - 12209.
    total joint debts 4/2/11 - 25877.
  • A good day positivity wise although didn't make it to the gym tonight, hit a slump around 3pm in work and started thinking of excuses as per. Not going to beat myself up tho, going to write this week off and start again next week. Not a good day spending wise either bought some cigs and a coffee on way into work (£4 odd) that could off been paid off one of my cards. also realised that i am going to be around £140 short this month for some bills that come out a couple of days before pay day so looks like I will have to do my grocery shopping on credit card for next 2weeks £80 and also look to where i can cut back in other areas. I have some stuff to ebay so i will have to get it on asap. and i know about the smoking.....
    cc & o/d debts 4/2/11 - 12209.
    total joint debts 4/2/11 - 25877.
  • omg, i have just looked at my bank statement for the last 4 weeks and have spent £180 on nothing, just £10 here and there taken out of the hole in the wall, a couple of ££s in boots the odd lunch when to tired/lazy/busy to make my own. this has got to stop!

    today i have spent - 4.69 on lunch, had an early start today and had to leave the house at 5am so was not prepared.
    3.60 on bus fares. total - 8.29. how come going to work costs me money!!!!!!!
    cc & o/d debts 4/2/11 - 12209.
    total joint debts 4/2/11 - 25877.
  • Hi Badpenny. Sometimes we're very good at beating ourselves up - well we need to stop it! I'm sure half the battle is identifying where we're going wrong, so you're already ahead of the field.

    Do you keep a spending diary? If you have to write down all of the "nothing" you spend money on, it's very revealing.
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