How can i tell my mum to start being nice without offending her?

Zazen999

You are an adult now, with a home to look after and if she can't abide by your rules then don't invite her round again.

newcook

I wouldnt invite her around again!! I would also get a mini fire extinguisher for incase she turns up unannouced and tell her if she refuses to smoke out the front and away from the house you will have no alternative but to use it!!!

Mutter_2

Maybe I'm too formal, but I don't think anyone, adult or child should go upstairs in someone's house uninvited. That is not guest area.
Your house, your rules.

gill_81uk

That sounds awful EA *hugs*

What's she playing at smoking near you anyway??? It sounds like she has no respect whatsoever.

Is there anyway you can have the conversation infront of another family member so that your mum can't twist what's been said? I think you need to start off by telling her how important she is to you and how pleased you are that you're speaking again but... and then go into everything you've said above.

You can always finish on how much you want her to be part of her grandchild's life. Good old !!!! sandwich

Mojisola

gill_81uk wrote: »

You can always finish on how much you want her to be part of her grandchild's life.

Do you want her to be part of your child's life? Do you want your child to see and hear you being treated like that? I think families are very important but not at all costs and I wouldn't want much contact at all if this was my mother.

Savvy_Sue

Evansangel wrote: »

But how can i say it without offeneding her?

You can't. But does it matter? Honestly?

consultant31

Surely she can't just be like this with you? If she twists the story so it looks like you're the bad guy, everyone will know what she's like and realise she's lying.

Personally, if I was pregnant and she started to smoke around me, I'd have to ask her to leave.

She sounds too self-centred to be a good Mum so I imagine she'll probably be a poor excuse for a Grandma - I'd stop talking to her altogether till she learns some manners.

tandraig

good grief girl - If someone behaved like that in MY house they would be ejected!!! even if it was my mum! who wouldnt behave like that but is not known for her tact or sensitivity (which i can put up with as I know she has heart of gold really). YOUR house and its not just your rules but landlords. oh and if I was you and someone lit up in front of me the fag would be whipped outta their mouth and dunked in their drink. and I smoke! but not around pregnant women or no smoking signs!
she may be your mum and obviously you want a good relationship with her - but you DONT have to put up with her childish behaviour or disrespect. and in the long term - she will respect you more if you stand up to her. or face a lonely old age (her not you)

Errata

Don't invite her round again ? Don't accept her invitations to visit her ?
How much of a big hole would it leave in your life if you only say her briefly every Christmas ? Because you know as well as we do, she's going to smoke all over your baby - is that what you want ?
Alternatively - set your OH on her to give her the gypsy's warning.

creased-leach

Your mother is a bully. People who will be swayed by her comments will probarbly not be that worth worrying about.

Don't worry about offending the cantankerous madam, she behaves like this because people allow her to. Stop allowing her to.