MSE single parents thread

lindsaygalaxy

Hello

Im not sure if there already is a single parents thread. but as a new single mum (to a 5 year old and 6 week old) any advice on money, organisation tips or help on how to deal with the emotional side of things would be really useful.

Thank you

whitewing

What a good idea. I wish I'd found MSE when I was a single mum. Then I would have known things like:

-it is possible to overpay your mortgage, even when finances are tight
-you don't need to spend a fortune at the supermarket
-Gingerbread (organisation) is good, although you will move on from that at some point
-you don't need to compensate the children for the fact that one parent is absent
-the boogeyman doesn't lurk in your house (I was really scared at night for ages)
-your children can't sleep in with you forever
-you cannot do everything & it is fine not to
-you need plenty of rest. It's much harder physically to have to do all the lifting etc by yourself (that especially applies when you let your child fall asleep on the sofa so it's not yet another long evening alone)
-you will emerge stronger with a greater sense of what's important in life
-you haven't let anyone down, least of all your children

PrincessPlaty

Im a single mum too DD1 is 4 DD2 is 3 and expecting bump on xmas day!!

harley1

I'm about to be a single mum, bump was due 5 days ago.

Courgette

I didn't meet H2B until DS was 7 (now 11). Had a couple of relationships along the way but it's so much easier being alone than in a bad relationship

Frith

When I became single (Jan 2005) my sons were 4 years old and 17 months.

The finances haven't been TOO much of a problem (was very careful, mind you). The biggest problem has been not having enough hands! The first job I got my brother to do was to take the Yale lock off my front door as I couldn't hold hands with the 4 year old, carry the baby (often asleep) AND unlock the door at the same time! It takes time to work out how many shortcuts you can make and how many corners you can cut...

Cooking was a pain too as they'd want constant attention or fight tooth and nail while I was in the kitchen. So for a long while I made "tea" while they were in bed at night and put it in the fridge for the next day. Things like Shepherds pie. In fact, that was part of my daily routine, having the TV or radio on in the background whilst cooking from about 8-9pm.

They have also had to do everything together, as I can't be in 2 places at once. Even thought they're 6 and nearly 9 (on Tuesday!) now they still go in the bath and to bed at the same time. I'd have no evening left if I had to oversee 2 baths and bedtimes!

Having someone else here for just half an hour in the early days was marvellous. It is so nice just to be able to rush round and get a few jobs done and go to the loo without someone crying...

I've probably had about 20 nights out in 5 years but people visit me here and the phone and text messages are good.

If all else fails, I plonk them in a bath to play or just go out. Even if its just around the village.

L

JoW123

I've just become a single mum to DS7 and DD4. At the moment I'm just relived to be free of the lies from my ex partner and concentrating on day to day life. I just feel tired all the time from doing absolutely everything but I guess I'll get used to that!

jansus

hi lindsaygalaxy it is hard when you have such a young baby to care for on your own but you will find the strength from somewhere, my position was that i had a ten year old a thirteen year old and a newborn to care for, financially it was very tough i had fifteen pound's left for the weekly food shop but i somehow managed it, emotionally it was tough too and although their were many down days there were plenty of ups too i am still single and have never had a relationship throughout all this, my youngest is now seven but i don't feel lonely apart from the odd occasion when there is a family day out and i do wish i had a partne, i don't really have any social life and i work in a female environment so i think that is why i am still single but my philosophy is no regrets i would be in a pickle if i sat here feeling sorry for myself and life is too short for regrets i wish you all the best i am sure you will be fine just try to enjoy your children we are blessed to have them

Scottiegirl

Just became single mum with DD5. Left with nothing and now applying for benefits but very much planning a future for both of us. Taking it day to day just now but glad a thread has started for single Mums!!

hippychick1

Just became a single mum last week to DS (7) DS (3) and DD (1). Very tiring, and hard work, but I'm much better off without the stress of a lying, controlling, manipulative husband. (I'm not bitter, honest )

Looking forward to starting my new life in January as a full time uni student. I must be mad.....

Lovely to meet you ladies, what a great idea for a thread.

Ladyshopper

Another single Mum here to DS 11 and DD 10. Husband left when they were 3.5 and 2.5, so been on my own a fair while. Much prefer it that way to be honest, can do what we want to do, when we want to do it, and not have to consider anyone else.

Yes I do get lonely, and miss adult company/conversation, particularly in the evening. I do work though, so get some adult conversation at least!

Its not easy, but you get through it, and me and the kids have a great relationship.