Relationship advice (a personal problem)

an1179

Hi

I feel for you in your situation

Counsellors are there for people to talk to confidentially and to guide you, they will not make a decision for you.

Just being able to talk to someone who will not judge, over react or rant and rave will help you tremendously. There is not need to tell anyone else or do anything at the moment.

Go to your counselling and feel what a relief it is being able to talk openly to someone

Best of luck

Hectors_House

I am so confused, I dont know what to do, can you be with someone, who doesn't know about such a massive thing and be happy?


I was raped by my ex-partner some 10 years ago.

Since then I have had two relationships and told both men when I felt strong enough.

But I was going through councelling for it before I met them, and during the relationships also so had got to a point myself where I had worked through stuff enough to feel that I was strong enough to talk about it.

You need to work on your feelings about it all first. Only then will you know if you have the strength, or indeed inclination to talk about it with others.

The first relationship didn't last long (not because of the rape) and it was some time until I met my current partner.

When I told him he was very understanding but expected that I would tell him all about it when I felt ready.

We've been together now for 4 years and I've never told him the full details. Mainly because I've worked through it all with councellors and can now live with it so don't feel the need to talk about it.

Its part of my past and I don't want to make it part of all my futures.

Believe me, you may not feel that there will ever come a time when you are not plagued by the demons this stuff leaves in your head but you will.

You are showing your strength by facing it.

Talk it through with your concellor. They might suggest your partner comes to one of your sessions later on but it will be up to you.

Well done on taking such a brave step and don't feel bad about wishing someone dead. My ex got cancer on the sole of one of his feet and I was glad when I heard about it.

Now I've moved on and feel sorry for him if anything.

BitterAndTwisted

As previously advised, use the counselling sessions as a tool to help you face the future, rather than keep looking over your shoulder at the past. Once you've got to the stage that you can understand what has happened and the consequences it's had on your life to date I'm sure you'll feel in a much better position to disclose this experience and share it with your partner if you want to. You could find later than you may not need to.

Sharing the information with your mother is an entirely different matter altogether and doing so may not prove to be helpful to you at all: as I discovered for myself and it wasn't even her partner or blood-relative who was the guilty party. This brought up all sorts of additional issues for me and was extremely hard to deal with, even though the disclosure was decades after the abuse ended and the b@sta@rd perpetrator had died.