My Budget, Need Help

System

schueys_girl wrote: »

?!?!?! If you add all that debt up?!?!?!?!
Sorry that is REAL debt - it is way more than my student debt - way more...and I spent 3 years on one degree, FUNDED MYSELF for a second and am now doing a postgrad PGCE-H with a bit more help from student loans.

Geeeeeeez

You NEED to crack down on this - where has all this money gone on? What have you got to show for it where has it been spent? Because whatever it has been spent on you don't actually own - its not yours yet as you havent paid for it!

I am not trying to sound horrible but its took 4 pages of replies for you to actually start considering the options people have given you and considered your debt real...

Everything I own I have saved for and paid for up front - everything I own, car, computer, laptop, bed, sofa, cat, engagement ring etc etc it is ours we have paid for straight away.

These debts are killing you - you do not need a Next catalogue!!! Your OH does not need lottery tickets and until you both realise this you will get yourself out of a mess and end up back in one.

Don't tempt yourself with a catalogue lol I cannot have one in the house because I would just spend on it! You need to be strict - get that food bill down as well go out with a list whenever you shop - me and fiance live off £30 a week and thats feeding a cat and all her litter etc too and cleaning stuff and beauty stuff. Babies don't eat that much and nappies are not massively expensive!

Can you sell your car and get a cheaper one??

Start thinking this is serious debt - thats why I said it was more than my student loan... because u were referring to this when talking about ur own debt.

Come on this is do-able but it is going to take a lot of sacrifces!!

We went up to Tescos tonight, they have a sale on in there clothes department, We got some items for the kids, but also £40 worth of junk my OH bought, I said to her, look this is a load of rubbish, I got a mouthful and also the following which does make a bit of sense "We don't go out drinking, never go out for meals, we need something, we need a bit of a life" She does sort of have a point, but we still did not need £40 worth of !!!!!!, I suppose there was a couple of tins of chocolates for Xmas presents to.

We spent the money on various things, mostly for setting up home, we had nothing at all, and earned so little we would still be saving now for even a bed, yeah we shouldn't have done it, but needs must

bluebag

Hi nirelandguy,
You can so do this you know, I did it and if I can do it anyone can. Get the bit between your teeth and get right on it. You will be astonished at what you can do if you make you're mind up to do it and 'just do it'
Sometimes it feels all up hill and no tea breaks LOL, but that's what places like this are for, someone to cheer you on and keep you going. Have a good poke aroung this place and have a good look at what others are doing, try and involve the family in moneysaving, try and make it a group effort. It's one big challenge allright. Good luck.

RAS

nirelandguy wrote: »

We went up to Tescos tonight, they have a sale on in there clothes department, We got some items for the kids, but also £40 worth of junk my OH bought,

Which is why you really are never going to sort your finances until you OH has her light bulb moment or you find a way to stop her spending

nirelandguy wrote: »

I said to her, look this is a load of rubbish, I got a mouthful and also the following which does make a bit of sense "We don't go out drinking, never go out for meals, we need something, we need a bit of a life"

Sorry but you reply is" Well if you had not bought that load of carp, we could have gone out for a meal this month and gone to the pub one lunch-time with the kids. Which do you want, carp or two outings? Your choice."

nirelandguy wrote: »

She does sort of have a point, but we still did not need £40 worth of !!!!!!, I suppose there was a couple of tins of chocolates for Xmas presents to.

She does not have a point. The reason she never gets to go out is because she chooses to buy rubbish instead of having a life.

I am not sure if buying STUFF somehow makes her feel better? Her repeated insistance on buying new clothes and on buying presents for people when she cannot budget to feed, cloth and heat the family, suggests she is very insecure. As if she needs to present other people with visible signs of her non-existant wealth?

Plainly if you only have two pais of trousers, the expenditure is not designer wear for you.

The thing is she know that this comment presses your buttons, so she uses it. Think you need to read this thread http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1965773 as there are similarities between your OH and the woman on there.

nirelandguy wrote: »

We spent the money on various things, mostly for setting up home, we had nothing at all, and earned so little we would still be saving now for even a bed, yeah we shouldn't have done it, but needs must

Sorry but like nearly everyone I know, we started with a second hand bed and a few bits that our parents were throwing out. The cooker was 1950's from a friend and the table and chairs came a sale - the table cost £1. We had one bean-bag until OH's boss asked for help tipping a sofa unit, which we acquired instead. We still had all that lot after 7 years.

RAS

RAS wrote: »

So instead of getting fed up, how about gettnig yourself to together and sending a Subject Access Request to Welcome and Crapquest - costs £10 each but they HAVE to produce the CCA. They will also have to produce the default letters and list of all charges and any PPI.

Then send the CCA request to Cap1 and Lowell, neither of whom are known for having the legally required documentation.

Just checking what are the Crapquest and Lowell debts are for?

schueys_girl

I think most people start with nothing - we did 2 years ago apart from the bed from my parents house. We had been saving for years and years and building up a "bottom draw" of stuff. SO we managed to do it with things for the home from nothing...

By the sounds of you OH, "things for the home" are nto necesseties, but nice look things, decorations, cushions etc?! Which are all well and good i can buy them straight out but not if you need to borrow for them.

"We don't go out drinking, never go out for meals, we need something, we need a bit of a life"

Why do you go to Tescos together?! is she seeing this as her time out with you?! One person go, with a list and just the cash for that food - I cannot believe you have spend £40 on what you call carp!??!?! We spend less than that on our weekly shop...

Sounds like your fighting a loosing battle with your OH you need to sit down with her and say you cannot continue like this.

Spenging all this time sorting out what you owe and where and given them a sob story and getting them to reduce your payments will do you no good if you go out and spend £40 ON CARP!!!!! So what if its tins of chocs for Xmas?! what the hell?!

Seriously!!!!

schueys_girl

I agree with others - if you didnt spend on CARP you may have some money spare ONCE A MONTH TO TAKE YOUR KIDS OUT AND HAVE A FUN DAY (and this doesnt have to cost much either - the park, a few games of football, hide and seek,a made up treasure hunt, some ice cream and as a treat a bag of chips?! Lovely day for you and the kids - and costing you no more than a TENNER

You could of took them our every weekend and done that instead of buying CARP in tescos!!!

RAS

schueys_girl wrote: »

Why do you go to Tescos together?! is she seeing this as her time out with you?! One person go, with a list and just the cash for that food

Even better, do a proper menu plan, check the cupboards and only put down the things you need then go over to the freebies section here and get a free home delivery code. That way, neither of you goes anywhere near the supermarket and there is no opportunity to but crap.

josephine82

I agree, online shopping is definitely a way to save, especially as Tesco's always has offers on things you don't need and you end up talking yourself into things that you never intended to buy.

Lula-Hula

Hi nireland guy,

I've often read your threads but have never posted before. I do feel for you in that you seem to be trying to deal with this on your own, on the other hand I think that you might be able to do more.

When I was 22 & moved into my first rented place with my DD, she had a bed, I had a beanbag & 2 beer crates to sit on. I had a new microwave & everything other piece of furniture or kitchen appliance was second hand, given or loaned to us & it has taken a long time to acquire stuff that I like. I still dont have all that I would really like, a new sofa & comfy chair for example. I have the credit available to refurnish the entire place but that would just increase my debt.

I love clothes, shoes & bags & used to frequently buy beyond my means. I live in an affluent area so it was easy to get carried away by striving to acquire what others had.

Slowly, I've learnt that if people judge me by my possessions then they're not people I want in my life anyway, this inlcudes family. I set myself a challenge to only spend £100 on clothes for myself for a whole year & I have found absolutely no shame at all in buying from charity shops to stretch my money further. This recession has hit many people from all levels of society & the low paid like you & I are in a much better position than some as we havent had to fall so far .

I see so may people traipsing round Tesco as if it was a family outing & it really saddens me. I have never seen shopping as entertainment but it was only recently that I realised that we could carry on as we were, surrounded by our posessions, but now my mantra is that we are people who do stuff, rather than people who have stuff.

A wildlife book from the library is free, as is walking in a wood or park or by a river & trying to discover some of the creatures in the book. Your kids will be learning as well as getting fresh air & exercise ... does Tesco really offer the same quality of experience as that :rolleyes:.

As to smoking, I gave that up over a year ago & now wonder why the hell I spent my hard earned cash on paying the goverment more tax & potentially killing myself. A couple of bottles of wine each week is far more pleasureable & doesnt make me smell nasty either.

I cant remember if yours & OHs debts are joint or separate ... but if it were me, then I would paying for mine out of what I have managed to save from my wages & letting her deal with her own if she doesnt want to make the necessary sacrifices.

Before the the big credit gods appeared, people made sacrifices in order to save for things they wanted. The sad thing about getting your things first is that you have to pay a penalty charge when it comes to paying for having had that pleasure first.

If the debts are separate then seriously tackle one at a time ( maybe a small one just so you can see it happen quickly) & maybe your OH will be so impressed at what you have achieved that she will follow you.

Good luck, you know what has to be done, so get on with it

misspoppy

You might as well go bankrupt which I think is what you want to hear. Wipe it all out and carry on spending and having a life. You started this thread because you can't pay your DMP and tax debts well you know why now, you need to sit your oh down with the SOA and give her the choices BR or cutback and DMP