Benefits being stopped.

Blackpool_Saver

Trust me this is the case my Dad doesn't see me cos my SM controls him and my ex husband doesn't know my son's birthdate,...........

Reverbe

No ta tiddly - no issues here, no need ror any counselling. I came out of my family a darn sight more well adjusted and sensible and self respecting than a lot of people would..

I also dont see my first boyfriend anymore.. that is just as in the past as my family but I dont see anyone saying I should be in contact with him... the only people with issues are the parents clearly...

I cant even see what issues you think I do have. If you are referring to them contacting my flatmate and buying him gifts etc, I just always see them thinking of him as a son and not thinking of me as their child... I dont have any problem with that aside from the money they wont hand over..

Tiddlywinks

Reverbe wrote: »

No ta tiddly - no issues here......

I cant even see what issues you think I do have...........I just always see them thinking of him as a son and not thinking of me as their child........ I dont have any problem with that aside from the money they wont hand over..

So, your flat mate gets a text from your mum and dad saying they are in trouble and mentions benefits problems.

You come on here and ask about the benefits system but indicate this is out of curiosity and not concern for them.

You further indicate that you have no intention of seeing them to help but still put effort into the research anyway.

You then bring up all sorts of personal stuff about how you feel unloved etc

... and you don't have issues :rolleyes:????

Seriously, I'm not trying to pick a fight but just want to give my view that you do seem unable to get over your past. You don't want to see your parents but you can't seem to move on. Can't you see that this can't be good for your peace of mind in the longer term?

You feel hurt about the past, that's only human, but wouldn't it be more beneficial to your overall wellbeing to deal with these issues once and for all rather than living in this kind of limbo?

I hope you can make peace with your past I really do as it must be really difficult to live with your memories.

alwaysonthego_2

Board Guide Comment

I am going to move this thread over to the Families and Relationship board as the original benefits question has been answered, thanks.

Vicky123

It can be hard to move on from being estranged from parents when they always find a way of letting you know they are in trouble ie texting flat mate.
Often times it's a kind of emotional blackmail to make you feel you are heartless, uncaring or generally in the wrong.
Second hand guilt is a powerful weapon.
Vicky

emlou2009

we dont know the OP's situation so we shouldnt be passing judgements on whether she needs counselling or not, etc. as an example, my mother threw me out of my home when i was 16, so i went to live with my nan. i attempted reconciliation 3-4 times between the ages of 18-22 but it didnt work out. she is disabled and on benefits, and if i heard they had been stopped i would be curious as to why and would want to know why but wouldnt ask her as it would mean getting in touch

however strange it may seem to you, with your own happy family arrangements, dont judge others or assume what help they may or may not need. i was brought up by nannys and childminders and my nan while my mum sat in front of the tv and went out for evenings, my dad has recently announced he is going to have a sex change :rotfl: and i consider myself really rather balanced in comparison with most of my friends who had completely normal upbringings!

snapping_crocodile

Reverbe wrote: »

Same way my father didnt know my date of birth or middle name when I was involved in a car accident once as a secondary school pupil? Ermm he only has one kid I never forgot that. To me it indicated how little I mattered to them.

I am a children's nurse and you would be surprised inn the heat of the moment and the stress of a hospital admission how many parents (usually dads, but occassionally mums too!) forget those details...it doesn't make them a bad parent, it is just the stress of the situation. One dad even forgot which child he had brought with him (one of twins), and it took him a few minutes to remember!! :rotfl:

BitterAndTwisted

Why haven't you asked your flatmate to text your mother back to get more details about this change in benefits entitlement if you'd like to know more about what's going on?

Have you had a look into trying to get the money left to you by your grandparent? If they made their wishes known but did not leave anything to you in a will or did not make one, then that was unfortunate to say the least but perhaps in your parents' position, they felt they were unable to carry out the grandparent's wishes as they perceived that their need was greater than yours right now?

tightrs

snapping_crocodile wrote: »

I am a children's nurse and you would be surprised inn the heat of the moment and the stress of a hospital admission how many parents (usually dads, but occassionally mums too!) forget those details...it doesn't make them a bad parent, it is just the stress of the situation. One dad even forgot which child he had brought with him (one of twins), and it took him a few minutes to remember!! :rotfl:

i used to work with a guy who during a works night out ,his brother got injured and had to go to hospital,when asked his brothers date of birth at the hospital, he didn't know.
he was his twin brother :rotfl:

Reverbe

Tiddly I got over my past years ago by breaking off contact and wasting no more time on it.No hurt felt at all.Then or now.