The giving up/cutting down alcohol support thread! Part 5

graemecarter

TIME2GROWUP wrote: »

I expect there isn't a definitive answer for 'how long is a bit...' Being a cutter downer rather than a giver upper is probably easier as I know I am allowed my non AF days, I can't imagine not having my 'weekends'... although I am a bit rubbish at keeping to just those days, I do try GC's wise words.. I won't drink today, on the days i'm feeling positive its easy and sometimes its not and I give in...

But waffle, waffle... I have (like many of you...) been drinking a bottle of wine every night for over 3 years.. and its only because of you peeps that I have any AF days so for that i'm very grateful.

I guess what i'm trying to say is I've never been any good at changing things.. spending, smoking, drinking, eating.. etc.. but I have managed some achievements and for that i'm proud.. I do smoke. I am battling with my finances.. sometimes they win and sometimes I do..:D I am doing some AF days now and I definately won with the eating as I've been at my target weight since April 2004, so I guess you can change, you just have to really want to....

Anyway enough from me, you can tell i'm not working this afternoon...

Good Luck everyone tonight, I'm out and about in my little blue car so definately won't be drinking... but you will all be in my thoughts..may hop back on later and see how your getting on...!

When you say it you have to really mean it. If you give in once, it makes it easier the next time.
Still, drinking less is all good so well done

graemecarter

Marru wrote: »

Ummm, better make it three as I am well inside that room as well. After the run of 38 consequent (sp?) AF days she faaaaaaaalllllllssssssss

And the trigger? Sliding car seat. I got it fixed today only to pull the leaver to put DD at back and it was broken again. Ok it is sorted now but that was the final little drop that filled the bucket to flow over so to say. And the fact that I have been up since 2 am to research bailiffs :mad: and had super busy day at work didn't help and that I was scared to come home in case bailiffs will seize my car and I was sitting in my car in Homebase car park doing sudoku instead of coming to my home. Excuses, excuses. Tomorrow I have a problem with the rest of the bottle unless I start a challenge: "how long can one be af when the house is not af". Going to see BF on Friday, not religious but thank GOD!!!

Alcohol in a cupboard is not the problem. The human is the problem who gets it out of the cupboard and pours it down their neck.
If you are struggling, of course it is better not to have booze in the house, but the individual drinks the booze. The booze doesn't find its own way into the individual.

graemecarter

fedupandskint wrote: »

Well done molls!

A great achievement, the enemy gets weaker day by day however it still lives close by to us recovering to rear its fighting head again one day.

I keep going over this in my mind - shall I abstain completely and give up alcohol one day at a time? I am coming close to a decision. I am considering giving up on 01.01.10. I would like a few drinks at Christmas time, hence the delay.

Still weighing it up in my mind. I've spent most of this year deliberating this over and over in my head. I am getting closer to the final decision and will get there some time soon.

AF again tonight with the frequenting fleeting thought of the week of a glass of wine. Pushed to one side again as have done each day this week. Not too sure why alcohol is pushing its feelers into my mind at 5.30pm on a weeknight. Doesn't usually do this, an unusual week.

I used to feel like this. This is the cunning nature of alcoholism. It told me I couldn't give up until a certain time in the future as I had Christmas, weddings, parties, etc
And did I give up when I said I would? Nope. I told myself I would cut down, only drink certain days, not drink anything but beer etc.
This is my alcoholism - it will do anything to keep me drinking, including the 'I want a few drinks at Christmas' argument. Well, my last 2 Christmases have been AF and absolutely great because of it.
I had to hit a rock bottom before I wanted to stop sufficiently to do something about it.

graemecarter

fakeplastictwee wrote: »

Well done molly, that's a huge achievement!

Given in and had a glass of wine again tonight, it's the leftovers from the weekend and I shoved some in my spag bol, OH had a glass and I've had the other glass. Not AF but definitely a cut-down.

I'm not sure I would actually want to completely give up alcohol. I suppose it's down to the individual's relationship with it but I'm OK with it as long as I seriously cut it down, I suppose I just got in a habit of drinking without really thinking about it and it started to wear me down.

Good luck to those of you being AF tonight, you're all better people than me!

Hope to be AF tomorrow as I'm at work til 10pm and don't have any booze left in the house. I want some more shiny stars!

If you can cut down successfully, that is great. I wasn't able to do that. I crossed a line very early on in my drinking so it was all or nothing.
I know when I tried to cut down, the drinking would creep back slowly. This is why I am now totally AF.
Good luck in cutting down. If you find yourself breaking your own rules, then maybe being totally AF could be a better route

Pippilongstocking

graemecarter wrote: »

Well, I only think it is easier if you change yourself. I drink because I find a lot of life a problem. I cannot change other people, places and things. So I can only change myself. I have changed the way I act and react. Thus I no longer have the desire to drink. I have surrendered to my powerlessness over alcohol, and admit 100% my alcoholism. When you do that, it gets easier to change oneself.

Just stopping the drinking without changing yourself is very hard, and was impossible for me. I see lots of misery on this thread as people cannot drink. If you change yourselves, you may not WANT to drink at all.
That's when it gets easier.
The way some people are approaching this will lead to unhappiness and eventually a progression of their alcoholism. This in turn could be lost jobs, families, homes, and maybe lives.
However, I know that people will only change when they are ready and have hit a rock bottom, so for some people they will continue to struggle for a long time. That's heartbreaking to watch, but that's alcoholism for you!!

Not sure what you mean here?

Would you mind explaining?

I am trying to change my thinking regarding alcohol, I haven't reached rock bottom, I don't want to lose everything, and yet sometimes, like yesterday I slip. Ihad many triggers and no real person to talk to about it. As days go (due to no fault of my own on a normal scale it was about a minus 2 billion). I have discovered alcohol is often the way I manage my own stress. (I am not saying that's right, but its how I do it). I work on managing my stress (reading, hoping, being nice to msyelf) and making sure things dont trigger 'a glass of wine to calm my head'.

I don't mind struggling - I won't reach rock bottom and lose everything - so constantly slipping and getting up is surely better than slipping and never getting up until its too late?

So just wondering what you mean by 'the way some people are approaching this?' as you normally make things so clear . x

maman

Don't worry fay, you're allowed to slip. I know you're a bit cross with yourself after your wonderful abstinence but you'll jump back even if it means locking up your purse and wearing PJs 24/7 then so be it :rotfl:

and your overall AF total is something to be proud of :T
Hugs to others who are finding it hard going and well done those of us who are managing AF but then that's what this thread is all about!

4AF please (and £13.33)

And I'm up for an AF Thursday.

'night all

graemecarter

fayjmck wrote: »

Not sure what you mean here?

Would you mind explaining?

I am trying to change my thinking regarding alcohol, I haven't reached rock bottom, I don't want to lose everything, and yet sometimes, like yesterday I slip. Ihad many triggers and no real person to talk to about it. As days go (due to no fault of my own on a normal scale it was about a minus 2 billion). I have discovered alcohol is often the way I manage my own stress. (I am not saying that's right, but its how I do it)

I don't mind struggling - I won't reach rock bottom and lose everything - so constantly slipping and getting up is surely better than slipping and never getting up until its too late?

So just wondering what you mean by 'the way some people are approaching this?' as you normally make things so clear . x

I think some (not all) people are approaching the problems associated with their alcoholism rather flippantly, and not taking it seriously enough. I cannot do anything about it, and that's the nature of this disease, but it isn't pleasant to hear people struggling. I would love them to stop before they start losing things that matter, but they probably won't.
I know for me just stopping drinking made me really unhappy. I wouldn't enjoy being AF, felt I was missing out, etc
Thus by stopping drinking and not changing, that lead me to be really unhappy. And thus I picked up again as I didn't want to be unhappy. Thus the problem escalated.
In my experience, untreated alcoholism gets worse not better.
I used alcohol to cope with stress, and that's because alcoholics do that. My normal, non-alky mates use different ways to cope with stress.

I used to hate struggling, so hats off to you if you don't mind struggling. I never found it that ok

so constantly slipping and getting up is surely better than slipping and never getting up until its too late?

Yes, agreed. But it doesn't have to be either/or in what you say. There is another path.

While you probably won't reach rock bottom and lose everything, I am sure every homeless alcoholic said the same. That's how this disease progresses. A decade ago, you probably would not have thought you would be on a forum like this for cutting down your drinking, having to lock your purse away and get into your pjs to prevent you buying booze. I always thought I stayed in control of it. For me, that control was an illusion.

You're lovely and I would hate to see things get worse for you Fay

Pippilongstocking

GC maybe my path is a bit slippery?

GC no personal irritaion intended (I know its in your nature to poke and prod and get the best out of folk) - I am a bit hormonal (shut your ears boys) and prone to be more than a bit direct. I value your opinion but not everyone has to lose everything to make changes.

Thanks for explaining - I don't think, anyone really treats things 'flippantly'. I think various folks have 'various' relationships with alcohol. I find it humbling to hear everyone's stories. Although every one deserves a voice flippant or otherwise or however they 'publically' dress it up in able to be heard. I am just so glad they feel they can share and am glad to listen and be heard. And in fact, flippancy often masks despair or shyness.

10 years ago, I was struggling, never thought I'd ever have anything to contribute to anyone never mind publically especially not in a forum like this - I don't necessarily think I am in 'control' of many aspects of my life. I lock my purse away to prevent myself at weaker moments and PJ's on early is enough to curb a craving in many folks - which is normally fleeting. There is 'money' and clothes here should I need it - its done (and professed rather flippantly) to provoke 'thought' in my head. And perhaps give a wry smile to others and a sense of 'distraction'.

I am really proud to be contributing to a forum like this - I'd never imagined that folk would be so understanding (yourself included)
I understand myself far more than I ever did previously.

I don't mind admitting I am struggling - I think its helpful and a sign of humanity - I don't feel deluded - I changed my attitudes towards social occasions (I now mostly only meet chums during the day - I have no need for alcohol in company - and don't need to make myself an 'excuse for other folks to drink') Previously I'd be making sure I could stay, drinking all the time and working my life around the opportunity to do that - I just need to find a mechanism for overwhelming stress when alone to make my relationship with alcohol over for good. I think I am getting there, slowly with lots of slips!

Proud to be here and proud to be (semi sometimes) in control.

Hugs dude

Excuse the PMT rant.

PS I do think you're lovely - but tonight I find myself rather stridently sticking up for the right to be flippant. (sorry! X)

Pippilongstocking

PS I am so glad I am AF tonight!

Normal scoring and service will be resumed in the morning.

Excuse my head dump! Hugs to GC - too many hours in the evenings these days!

Pippilongstocking

[URL="file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/Fay/Desktop/presentations/presentations%20stick/1st%20year%20presentation%201.1.ppt"]maman - well done to you and a lovely amount of money saved![/URL]

Here's a shiney lovely star for you *