Its so unfair why wont someone help?

Tim_L

I don't disagree: you have to weigh up all the circumstances, really. If there is genuine and realistic potential for the business to take off, then obviously this has to enter the calculation. But there is a lot to be said for the predictability and stability of someone else paying your wages when it comes to paying off long term debt, and it can be much less stressful to be able to return home and forget work, which is hard when self employed.

One of the most insidious things about debt is that it progressively removes your ability to control your destiny. It's very tempting to try to hold on to a business, on the basis that this seems to be something you control. But in fact if it's not paying the bills, it's actually a problem rather than a solution.

Heddwen_2

Thanks mates

I personally believe that the business would work if only I could convert my husband to working at it 24 /7 and giving it over 100% effort. However this is not as simple as it appears to be.

It has been me who set up the business from 'scratch' and for those wondering why we chose car valeting of all things the answer is it was my husbands desire.

It has also been 90% me who has kept the business running doing the admin side and bookkeeping (his brother is our accountant so that doesn't cost much). It is me who has to be motivated and come up with marketing stategies etc. At the moment I have lost all interest in it as I feel it's a one sided plan of action yet my husband wont let the business go. I have had this idea in my head for the past 6 months to pack it up and lead a 'normal' life (whatever normal is) but I will never win on this one. I know its not a competition we are in it together but its a *figure of speech. *Arrrggghhh figures can't I get away from them?

At the moment I have taken a quiet step back and am allowing the business to run itself down whilst watching our bookings getting less and less when normally I would go full throtle into generating more business. However the method in my madness here is to prove a point that my husband needs to give it 24/7 over 100% to make it succeed once and for all. Plus the good point someone made above about working harder will produce more income. Weve tried the garages, car parks etc but most garages employ their own valeters these days and others not interested.

Because I have put 1000+ % into it I am reluctant to see it flop but if it has to be then be it so. Here I remind myself of the phrase if at first you don't succeed try, try and try again, then there's the one that says there's NO such word as can't!

Thanks -
Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mysterey!

???

yeovilmac

I know a guy in his mid fifties. When he was in his mid thirties, same age as you and I Heddwen, the miners strike happened. He had a fleet of lorries and at the time was the only transport company prepared to run his lorries across the miners picket lines. As he was the only one to do this, he named his price to the National Coal Board, they would pay anything just to get their coal out, and he had the contract. Yes it cost him a lot of lorry windscreens that were bricked and yes, he had to double his drivers money to get them to risk the injuries they may suffer but he did it and worked really hard in the process.

In 1994 I met him for the first time. He had thirty lorries, a £1 million house, a private jet and three petrol stations bringing in millions of turnover per year. When I heard of his success, I said "You lucky thing". He said "Theres no such thing as luck - its where opportunity meets preparation", he also said "Its funny but the harder I work the luckier I seem to get". Makes you think doesnt it??

Fran

Hi Heddwen,

I have sent you a personal message.

As far as your husband goes, you have said he is working his socks off in the evenings, and yet you say you want him to work 100%. Have you really been able to discuss things with him?

It is a possiblity that you have some depression, which is why I made the comment "how insensitive", because you may see your animals as family and find it really hard to farm them out, and as you have pointed out, if you give up your home you become homeless. If you are depressed, getting rid of (even temporarily) things close to you is not a solution and could make you feel worse. (And the cost of them is not huge in the overall situation.) I do feel that people who have temporarily seen hardship simply don't understand how it feels to have ongoing problems that seem to have no solution or the solutions feel like they are impossible to attain. The fact that you are saying yourself that you are at some kind of crisis point implies that you are unable to deal with the situation any more. Though there are lots of well meaning and kind responses to your question, I think the fact that you are "taking a step back" and have "lost all interest" means you need the expert help that everyone has mentioned (because you cannot cope with it yourself even though you have made every effort) but also that you need moral support (not just from the website but in real life too!). I think you need the pressure taking off and probably your husband is feeling the same way, perhaps he is depressed and this is rubbing off on you? (These are all just thoughts going through my head, I may be way off track, just ignore anything you want!) The thing about the C.A.B. is that you can address other issues there to do with your health and possible other benefits and they are not just looking at your debt situation. While I agree they are not the only agency for dealing with debt, they are able to help you with any other issues (housing, mediation if necessary with Relate or another agency, benefits eg.), and some of the agencies deal with your debts by phone whereas at the C.A.B. you have someone to talk to and unburden all your problems to! Just doing that can help make things clearer in your own mind. Again, Good Luck, and keep us posted. Fran

Heddwen_2

yeovilmac - certainly did make me think - lucky guy! ;(

Fran - thanks and have replied to your message.

Tim_L

In 1994 I met him for the first time. He had thirty lorries, a £1 million house, a private jet and three petrol stations bringing in millions of turnover per year. When I heard of his success, I said "You lucky thing". He said "Theres no such thing as luck - its where opportunity meets preparation", he also said "Its funny but the harder I work the luckier I seem to get". Makes you think doesnt it??

There's a significant danger in using anecdotes like this as a means to decide on a strategy to try to escape debt.

If you go through the rich lists, you will find many stories such as this - indeed it's fair to say that those who have not become rich by inheriting or winning money have all taken risks, worked hard, and have had a measure of luck. I'd hazard a guess that most would make statements on the merits of hard work versus luck.

However, it gives an unrealistic perspective, because you are only talking to the winners, who are not exactly going to be inclined to admit their success was due to factors other than their own perceived merits (success does tend to breed ego, and ego tends not to look to give credit elsewhere!). For every winner in this situation, there are countless others who just scrape by or go out of business: if it was easy to become rich by application and hard work, then everyone would be.

The objective here is to get out of debt, not sustain dreams that have so far proved to be completely illusory. You need to be very careful indeed not to simply provide yourselves with excuses to maintain the status quo, and hence dig yourselves deeper and deeper into the hole you've been digging for the last few years.

You'll have to make a judgement as to what extent your own business(es) can provide sufficient income to get you out of debt. My (rather blunt, sorry) observation would be that they have so far failed. Car Valeting is not a unique idea, not something you can corner the market in, and it's not a high value or high volume service. So it's always going to be a struggle.

Do you really want to continue blindly on in the faint hope that next year you'll be millionaires, or is it better to try to find a job paying similar money to allow you to reduce debt in a predictable and stable way, and without the additional stress of running the business in the evenings?

KG

This is a tough situation to be in. I really feel for you. Only now am I finding my feet after a life of being swallowed up with debt. It is an emotional and mental battle you're going through, not just a financial one. As you already know, facing the problems isn't easy. It will take time, but things can get better. I promise you.

- Have my 'name on file' with all the local supermarkets for a while, keep re applying when jobs come up but get turned down, lost count how many times. Spoke to customer services and they said I was 'too honest on my application form' so I fibbed a little by leaving some un-related jobs out and re-arranged it but still no luck!

In terms of you looking for a job, have you ever sought help from a careers adviser? When you're in the middle of all this it can be really difficult to see how you can improve job seeking tactics. Infact you might think 'why is she on about job seeking tactics - what I need is financial help - now!'.

But if you getting a job would improve your financial situation, then maybe it ios something to re-visit. Having someone go through startegies, looking at your applications and recommending ways to move forward can bring you new ideas. Plus, it's lonely doing this on your own, having someone there to support you can be good.

At the end of the day you need to decide, realistically, what you're aiming for. Not just with the money stuff, but with the rest of your life - your relationship, your work, etc. Once you know what you're aiming for it's easier to see how you can achieve that.

Not that it makes the achieving any easier. You are obviously facing some really, really tough decisions. But maybe you can end up in a place you are ok with being at, and not forced into a more painful situation because of your position.

Wish I could make things right for you. But you know you're not on your own. Look at how many responses you have had.

It's hard, but you can get through this.

Take care

KG

KG

There's a significant danger in using anecdotes like this as a means to decide on a strategy to try to escape debt.

Yep - I agree.  The one thing wrong with the philosophy 'if you work hard you can be as successful as you want' is that it presumes that all of those at the poorer end of society have chosen to be there. That's a really blinkered view in my opinion.

I truely believe you can always get through a situation like this.  I am living proof that you can pull yourself through having huge debts, depression, and much more.  But if I had thought everything would be rosey at the other end I would have been very dissapointed.  

Sometimes you just have to choose the things that are the most important to you and fight to keep these. You lose some stuff yeh, but in the end I am still here.  I am healthy, I still fight my corner.  And , you know, after all that battling to get through a similar situation, I'm happy.  I am more in control of my life than ever.

Isn't that the most important thing?

KG

Tony_H_3

I have read the replies posted by the others, unfortunately there's only one small contribution I can add based on the facts I have read.

It's apparent that your partner finds it easier to find work, which would leave you to carry out the car valeting business. You have stated that you do not drive.

My suggestion to you is this, can you not increase the price you charge for your valeting services, this increase in price could possibly enable you to employ a part time driver / assistant. By doing this you will be able to maximise the number of vehicles you are able to clean. Leaving your partner free to concentrate on working.

If this is an option you could consider, I may be able to help you with advertising your valeting business to help bring in further custom.

Heddwen_2

Hi
I read your reply to my post today. This idea, oddly enough, actually crossed my mind today also. I am trying to learn to drive so dont get me wrong its just I am a short person and have difficulty in driving 'manual' cars and although I am almost better off in an 'automatic' it doesn't pay to pass my test in this form alone, especialy on the car cleaning front as once in a while we have to run customers cars around ourselves for various reasons.
I have also been told 6 times in as many weeks from various local and some well known national driving schools that I have to have adaptions to allow me to drive safely. I have purchased these now, thanks to my Dad's help and now have to try and find funds to buy a small car to learn to drive in due to the fact those same driving schools have all now refused to take me in their vehickes with my new adaptions (time consuming I suppose fitting and removing them). I canot lean in our van as this is the only source of transport we have and so my husband requires this.
I am looking into Motability cars as I have also been told (again by a driving school) I am entitled to it as I have a 'dis-ability' in getting around??
I will now look into hiring a driver Thanks.

We are also interested in learning more of your proposed ideas to help us marked our business??

Please message us when you have time. Thanks.

Heddwen

:-/