Its so unfair why wont someone help?

mini

Hi

I wondered if you'd considered doing voluntary work, not that it would immediately help your money situation, it may help you gain new skills for a future employer, also usually you can get expenses from the voluntay organisation although you'd need to claim them back. Also if you are feeling depressed it may help you to be out & seeing new people, in thel onger term it could also help you gain paid employemnt.

It may be worth checking out if you have a college nearby if your tax credit entitlement would entitle you to free courses.

At the risk of sounding like a parrrot, keep posting, lots of people are happy to help when they can

take care of you

mini

Tim_L

Hi

"The situation you're in is a direct result of choices you've made in your lives - starting a business, taking out a mortgage, spending priorities, and so on - and you have to take some degree of responsibility for these choices, rather than expect someone to come in and sort out all the problems for you."    

 Thanks a lot this rub it in why don't you? Have you never made a wrong move in your entire life?    

Well of course I have. Everyone does. But you can react to setbacks in one of two ways. You can be passive, blame others for your predicament, and hope someone rides out of the middle distance with a giant wad of someone else's cash and fix things for you, or you can actively take responsibility for your own situation and take what steps you can to start fixing things yourself. This does, I'm afraid, mean facing squarely up to some uncomfortable truths.

The thing is that the first scenario is much more likely to happen if people - banks, relatives, friends - see that you are serious about engaging in the second. And believe me, it will do wonders for your own self esteem (and blood pressure). As I said, set small achievable goals and reward yourself for getting there.

I was fortunate in that my own financial mistakes were made sufficiently early in life - early 20s - to be able to dig myself out of them. These involved being on the dole in the early 1980s with a large CC and bank debt, and I literally had to live in a grotty bedsit and live off lentil curry for three years while I resolved the situation. This gave me an enormous amount of strength going forwards, and I now view it as having been a very positive experience. I know I can, if necessary, live on very little, and my system of priorities is now tilted firmly away from consumerism and towards things that have some sort of real intrinsic or inner value.

So the challenge for you is to make this negative into a positive, and to avoid going from a difficult situation into disaster. Part of this does involve not developing a victim mentality, which was the point I originally was making.

However I did pull the original post as I wondered whether it was a little too harsh on your husband: remember he has his own ego and dreams, and perhaps running his own business is wrapped up with this. This is something you need to work through together, rather than have a load of people* who are well meaning but ignorant of the details of the situation preaching generalities at you.

(Bison Ravi)

*By which, I hasten to add, I mean me and my advice about job/spending, not the other contributors.

Galstonian

I literally had to live in a grotty bedsit and live off lentil curry for three years

Do you think the grottiness and your diet might have been linked in some way

Have to admit is some time since a treat was a boiled egg curry.

Tim_L

Do you think the grottiness and your diet might have been linked in some way  ;)
.

I must admit that the memories are now so deeply repressed that I have to use something akin to hypno-regression to get back there. But at night I sometimes awaken in a cold sweat with an image of an oddly yellow crusty substance firkling away on top of a Baby Belling, while I wondered whether I could afford to put 50p in the gas meter for heating that week.

Heddwen_2

Morning all, another day another £ poorer.


mini Cinderella - Thanks for this advice. Not meaning to sound rude but I don't have time for voluntary work. I mean I am all for it yes of course and I would enjoy helping out worthy causes, what I am trying to say is I cannot afford to. If I am working in some charity shop in the high street giving my time voluntarily then I should be spending that time earning for myself.

I certainly agree with the fact that getting out more would help, but I am finding that more and more difficult I feel as if I am becoming a prisoner in my own home. The only time I do get out is to clean cars with my husband or go for a ride with him in the van. I would love to get out, make friends again, join the gym, go swimming and all that social stuff but I, once an outgoing bubbly inteligent person am slowly changing into an shy and bored introvert (I thik thats the word). Hence why I surf the web all day.


Clarissa - I know you meant well, sorry to biteback but I am emotional.

Of course we are doing the admitting bit, I at least am certainly not an ostrich and never have been.

Thanks mates I will keep you upto date if any events occur!

Take care and have a great weekend.

Heddwen

:-/

Tim_L

I feel as if I am becoming a prisoner in my own home. The only time I do get out is to clean cars with my husband or go for a ride with him in the van. I would love to get out, make friends again, join the gym, go swimming and all that social stuff but I, once an outgoing bubbly inteligent person am slowly changing into an shy and bored introvert (I thik thats the word). Hence why I surf the web all day.

OK, so what are you going to do today to change that?

scheming_gypsy

Hi

We run a small business and have done since 2001 which brings in an unsteady income especially in Winter as it is car valeting.

Probably a silly question but have you thought about approaching local companies for valeting contracts? or giving discounted rates to employees.

The obvious 'answer' would be to jack in the business and get jobs with a steady income but if that's only the final answer for you then you have to try and expand a bit so the 'unsteady' becomes a bit steadier.

yeovilmac

Hi Heddwen

I would seriously hesitate before giving up the business. I am seriously in debt too and personally believe that the best way out for me is to work really hard to get myself out. You have much more chance of getting out of the mess IMO if you work harder. This isnt always possible in a PAYE job as overtime isnt always available.

My courier business brings in around £1,000 a month but my outgoings were almost £1,200 a month. I approached the CCCS who helped me no end to sort the mess out and explained all possible angles. I am now paying just £12 a month to my creditors instead of nearly £300 a month before (although I obviously wasnt able to meet these commitments).

Now and again a job comes along for me that makes me gald I am self employed. Last December, I drove from Bristol - Exeter- Southampton- Bristol-Plymouth - Bristol with an A4 envelope. Started 6.15pm and finished at 11am the following morning with five hours sleep. Cost me £45 in petrol and I charged the customer a special rate if they paid cheque when I returned the following day. They agreed and I got a cheque for £385 the next day. Multiplied my outgoings eight fold in twenty four hours.

Another one - did a job to London last week for normal price of £111, rang a few companies on the way up trying to get a return package. Got one and charged another £55.50 coming back. Ask a few friends what they would do to increase business if they were in your shoes, I did and I have more useful ideas that I can handle. Someone else mentioned contract work - good idea. Get people to agree to you doing a set amount of work per month for a set price then lock them into a D.D. Aagreement, or pay you by BACS. My customers all pay me by BACS so I wait no longer than three weeks for my money.

Good luck and God bless Heddwen...


Martin

Tim_L

All very well, but hanging onto a situation on the basis that things might turn up is Micawberism. Probably not a basis for a long term debt reduction strategy.

BTW - a great way of getting payment if someone is delaying. Resend the bill, but with a slight error of say a few pounds in favour of the debtor - you'll find they pay up gleefully.

yeovilmac

Fair point Clarissa. I was just meaning to make the point that she probably has destiny in her own hands being self employed rather than PAYE. Wasnt meaning to insinuate she "hopes" things work out as that goes aginst most of the other posts.

Mine was a good point poorly made...