Adult son- financial problems

SparkyG

I am looking for some feedback on my dilemma. I have 2 adult sons, aged 27 and 29. The eldest is a nightmare with money and always has been, :eek: whereas his younger brother is much more grounded and financially successful.

The eldest, who is married with 2 small children, has in the past year got into severe financial difficulties, due to all the usual reasons: living beyond his means (only one income in the house), having to take a lower paid job etc. They are buying their own house with a mortgage, and to help them out (for the sake of the children), I have bailed them out many times. As well as taking out a personal loan on their behalf I have also "lent" them £10000. :rolleyes: That's where the dilemma lies. He now has a well paid job and is able to take over the loan repayments, but realistically there is very little chance of him ever being able to repay the £10000.

I cannot afford to give my youngest son the same amount, (not tnat he needs it), but I have always treated them the same, and I feel it is unfair he should be penalised for his brother's ineptitude. I was thinking along the lines of changing the will so that the younger son inherits £10000 (inflation adjusted) more than the older son when we finally leave this world, assuming there's any left after nursing home fees!!!:D

This has been openly discussed with both boys, and the younger one, who is totally laid back, says to do what ever we want to :cool: I just want to be fair to them both .

Comments and suggestions very welcome.

smartiepants

Difficult one!! first gut reaction is, well to be honest, I think it would be important lesson to oldest son to repay the loan, even if in small regular amounts, honest gut impression from me, please don't bite my head off.
xxxx

savvy

Hmm why can't he realistically pay off the £10k if he has a better paid job now and can afford to take over the payments?

I agree with smartiepants, he needs to learn, he's got a long way to go in life yet and it'll do him no good if you pay it off for him. But if you truly believe he won't be able to pay it off, not only would I knock off £10k of his inheritance but also the interest that loan is going to acrue..................one way or another he should pay as like you say, it's not fair on the other one.

I'mcomingbackasaman

If I were in your shoes, I'd leave £10,000 for your youngest to inherit for your peace of mind in wanting to treat your children equally. Also as the OP said ask your eldest son to make a regular contribution to pay you back the money via standing order from his bank into a savings account for you, and at regular intervals treat your husband? and yourself to something you enjoy in life, weekend break, whatever. I empathise with you having children can be a pain in the a** e sometimes.

SparkyG

Nope, I won't bite your head off!:rotfl: All replies welcome.

I know what you are saying, but to be honest, it's not the only loan he's got, and I think it would probably take a very, very long time to pay it back. I want him to get rid of his other loans as a priority, as I am not desparate for the money at the present time.

Thanks for your opinion :beer:

[Deleted User]

I gave my two daughters a good contribution towards their weddings. My son has a long term partner and has just bought his first (tiny) home. I have given him the 2005 tax allowance of £3000 and will give him another this year and so on, until I have given all the same amount.

I would mentally write the loan off but would not bail him out again and over time I would try to even things financially between your children

SparkyG

savvy wrote:

Hmm why can't he realistically pay off the £10k if he has a better paid job now and can afford to take over the payments?

Sorry, didn't make myself clear. He can now (just) afford to take over the repayments on a £20000 personal loan which is in my name, which was used to pay his mortgage, pay off credit cards etc, but the £10000 was straight out of a maturing policy which I had at the time. It's that amount which I am in a quandary about.

He has a personal loan as well as my loan to pay, and even though the job is well paid, it's going to be very tight for them for a long long time.

Appreciate all replies :T

starlite_2

don't forget the £10'000 you potentially give as 'extra' to the other son is subject to inheritance tax..
hmm..a minefield there..if this son doesnt pay it back you don't pay it..but the other son loses by you paying that tax..


interesting situation..

I currently have a £6'000 debt to a cousin..and this amount for him is, in his words, 'a drop in the ocean' but I fully intend to pay it back in full..and with a bit on top to cover the interest/inflation..

In fact we have been putting aside a little out of our full household income of £14'000 (in london!) as a savings pot to repay him

No doubt your son could and should give you a little back..
I know, as i have a new baby, I wil always want to help him and provide for him but there would be a point where if the same respect and consideration isn't given back you get a bit cross..
bad family rifts can happen over money..I don't know your full situation..but i'd advise you to talk to him about this..

SparkyG

I'mcomingbackasaman wrote:

If I were in your shoes, I'd leave £10,000 for your youngest to inherit for your peace of mind in wanting to treat your children equally. Also as the OP said ask your eldest son to make a regular contribution to pay you back the money via standing order from his bank into a savings account for you, and at regular intervals treat your husband? and yourself to something you enjoy in life, weekend break, whatever. I empathise with you having children can be a pain in the a** e sometimes.

Thanks for that idea. :T I do have a husband, but he leaves all financial matters me! The idea of any repayments going into a separate savings account for treats is appealing

SparkyG

albertross wrote:

If he asks you to bail him out in the future, I would resist the temptation to help him. If he is financially irresponsible, it will only make things worse down the line.

Introduce him to this site as well..

I have made it quite clear that the moneypot of Mum and Dad has now run dry and that there will DEFINITELY be no more bailing out in the future.

If it hadn't been for the children, and his wife, (who was only about 10% to blame) I would have left them to get on with it, but they were in real danger of losing the house (no help from the state for homebuyers!!:rolleyes: ) and I just could not sit back and let that happen.

I appreciate all replies :beer:

mountainofdebt

would be to have a savings account opened in the name of the younger son into which the elder son paid money until the balance reached £5K.