Ex won't let me move on!!

Spendless

I am aware of a case where the parent with residency (the father) wished to move from Yorkshire to Scotland. His XW took it to court complaining that she would not be able to have the contact with the child that had previously been agreed due to the distance factor. The father was not only told he couldn't move to Scotland but that he couldn't move further than a 50 mile radius from where the mother lived.

Prudent

I think courts look at all the circumstances surrounding a move. I live in Scotland and a few years ago considered a move south.I am now considering the move again. My ex went to his solicitor at the time. His solicitor threatened court action. My solicitor told me I was likely to win because 1) It was to get away from my ex who has a history of abusive behaviour towards me 2) It was to be near family and 3) (at that time) I had a better chance of regular employment and despite being a high earner he was unwilling to make a financial contribution. My solicitor outlined these points in a reply and he never pursued action. Afterwards I decided not to move at that time, but did withdraw the contact for reasons not related to above.

As regards maintenance, it is definately not linked to contact. Through the CSA you will reciceve 25% of his net income for the three children. He can apply for a deducation to made from this if contact involves very high travel costs. I guess that will depend on both the cost and his remaining income.

hobo28

I am aware of a case where the parent with residency (the father) wished to move from Yorkshire to Scotland. His XW took it to court complaining that she would not be able to have the contact with the child that had previously been agreed due to the distance factor. The father was not only told he couldn't move to Scotland but that he couldn't move further than a 50 mile radius from where the mother lived.

These cases are generally in the minority. I would guess tho that in that case, mum had substantial contact and the kids were young. In PP's case, the kids are teenagers and dad only has limited contact time. Plus without trying to turn this into a fathers rights post, I would put money that if the resident parent was the mother that the courts would have allowed her to move.

In order to stop her, ex would have to apply to the court for a prohibited steps order and demonstrate why it would harm the kids welfare if the move was allowed.

Spendless

hobo28 wrote:

These cases are generally in the minority. I would guess tho that in that case, mum had substantial contact and the kids were young. In PP's case, the kids are teenagers and dad only has limited contact time. Plus without trying to turn this into a fathers rights post, I would put money that if the resident parent was the mother that the courts would have allowed her to move.

In order to stop her, ex would have to apply to the court for a prohibited steps order and demonstrate why it would harm the kids welfare if the move was allowed.

The child was around 5 years old at time. Mum had walked out when baby was a few months old, literally saying she was popping to shops and not coming back. Mum got back in touch when child was around 18 months and tried unsuccessfully several times to get residency. Contact at that time was roughly every other w/end, plus a few weeks in school hols. Ater Dad said he was moving to Scotland and mum stopped it, it was also set that mums contact was every other w/end, half of all school hols, and they alternated xmas and new year.

chugalug

His reaction might be spite, might be a knee jerk reaction or it might be a genuine fear that he'll lose contact, who knows!!

Unfortunately, given his comments about maintenance it sounds a lot like spite. But them I'm probably not a reasoned adult when it comes to this sort of thing.

My ex was livid when I wanted to move. He was very controlling and I felt I had to move away from his immediate area so that I could get on with my life. He decided that because I'd moved 15 miles to the next town he'd reduce my maintenance to account for his extra petrol. I would have been able to see his point except he works in this town!!!!

He still does try it on. When he takes our son out I have to contribute cos he's already paid!! When he takes him camping once a year for a week I have to give him the maintenance money back etc etc.

Let him get on with it but if he has a good relationship with the kids you might have to bite your tongue. Its not his fault he's childish.

prettyinpink_3

Thank you so much everyone for all your points of view, some of which i have really taken on board. I am trying to do the best for my ex and the children.. having been with the love of life for 6 years as previously posted, we would have got together long ago, if I haven't cared about the situation, but instead we have always put the children and their Dad first, (not trying to be a Marta here!!) i want it to be amicable, I really do. (by the way my ex does live with his girlfriend so his a happy bunny in that respect)
The children are 13 years not into GCSE's just yet, and i have memtioned a reduction in maintenance because of the extra travel costs even though i am willing to do the travelling, I am really trying to be reasonable here.

Anyway for now the only solution i can really see is to stay put, I really can't take the stress anymore.

Thanks again for everyone's comments really appreciated!!

Over and out!!

black-saturn

They have to pay CSA for their children by law. The only way for them not to pay is if its in the childrens best interest for them not to. You moving away is no reason for him not to pay and no reason for him not to see them. Even if you were moving to Australia he would still have to pay his maintenance. Moving 80 miles down the road is a feeble excuse for him to get out of his responsibilities.

Becles

black-saturn wrote:

Even if you were moving to Australia he would still have to pay his maintenance.

Are you sure? My husbands daughter has moved abroad with her mother, and the CSA claim has stopped. He was told when the parent with care leaves the UK, they cannot claim maintenance.

OP - it is important that the children keep in contact with their father, especially if he has seen them on a regular basis up until now. I don't think he is trying to stop you moving on, I just think he is worried about losing touch with his children.

Scarlett1

Becles wrote:

Are you sure? My husbands daughter has moved abroad with her mother, and the CSA claim has stopped. He was told when the parent with care leaves the UK, they cannot claim maintenance.

yes hun thats right, but the claim does close until a fresh claim from oz is started. My friend moved to adelaide 2 years ago with her new husband, their baby and the son from a previous relationship and her maintenance stopped, but last year she made a fresh claim with the australian csa and the ex once again pays

mrcow

prettyinpink wrote:

Anyway for now the only solution i can really see is to stay put, I really can't take the stress anymore.

I understand the conclusion that you've reached here, but are you aure that there is no room for compromise here?

Is there any way that you could move say 45mins or so in the right direction for your boyfriends work etc, and then still be closer for your ex's visits etc? Obviously it all depends on the geography, but it seems unfair that you're putting your life on hold because you're trying to keep everyone happy.

Making sure that the children maintain their relationship and regular contact with their Dad is obviously critical, but you also need to be thinking about your own happiness too.