Please help!!! Boyfriend's dropped a bombshell

getmore4less

Looks like he has to dump the car till he sorts this out.

how much is it worth?

Minxy_Bella

mandragora wrote: »

So that's two old birds who've sounded a note of caution now.... I dunno why we turn out such cynics! In my case it wasn't the man I married that I had in mind when I thought about blokes not 'owning' the responsibility, but the ones I raised. Only myslef to blame, I guess:rolleyes:

Nah - it's not us, it's them!

tallyhoh

I must agree with the 2 old birds above (make that 3 now). Has he just told you hoping that you will sort it out for him? Does he have any plan or has he actually discussed with you what he can do.

Pardon me for also being cynical but my OH has run up debts over & over again which I used to sort out for him, then having sorted it he would just run them up again.

Do you earn more than him because as you share 50/50 apart from child support, you have managed to not get into debt, so why is he?

I apologise if he is trying to help himself.

mandragora_2

Blimmin' heck - three old birds together? Macbeth will be along in a minute

theoretica

It might be interesting to run through quotations on what would happen to car insurance costs if you swapped cars!

cakeywright

mandragora wrote: »

Just one question. Why is it you on the MSE site asking these questions and getting advice? Why isn't it him? I know he's one of the good guys, from what you've said, it's just I'd want to know the answer to that one, I think, if I was in your shoes. Take it very, very carefully. His debt. His habits. He's going to need to be the one to break it.

He's been on the website, read all the guides and done the research. I chose to post on the forum tho - he doesnt use forums at all

cakeywright

cakeywright wrote: »

He's been on the website, read all the guides and done the research. I chose to post on the forum tho - he doesnt use forums at all

haha just seen the "3 old birds" comments. i totally understand what you mean, but he has been trying - he's just not very good at it. And I am bossy and naturally take charge. He's been to the bank himself today, all they offered him was a high interest rate loan, so he told them no thanks. he's also been looking into balance transfer cards. He has decided to move them on to 0% cards, and set up a set amount (the minimum payment or slightly more) for him to pay monthly, then review the situation when the 0% runs out.

I need to help him out becuase he seems to have a warped perspective of money - to him £289 is "about 200 quid......" not realising its closer to £300.

i promise - he's not a baddy!:rotfl:

Tixy

Are you a named driver on his insurance? If not get a quote for this, it often brings young guys insurance down as girls are safer.

How much is his car worth? especially as he's not using for work he needs to consider a cheaper car thats cheaper to run.
If he won't do this then you need to look at some way to make an extra wad of money to pay for it on top of everything else - could he get a second job? bar work or casual work? (I know it might not be easy with his daughter but something has to give) or look at the up your income for ways to make money/vouchers online.

If he is absolutley loathe to stop his daughters savings then at least drop to £10, once he's out of debt he can make up the shortfall long before she needs it.

Errata

And I am bossy and naturally take charge

Stop doing that right now, it won't help. You have to sort this out together if you want your relationship to be a good partnership.

Start planning, do spreadsheets, do a risk assessment, do a business plan, treat the problem like a project, talk about behaviour and consequences.
I'm sure he's a pearl without price, but he's got into the habit of not sharing things with you. It would be helpful if he stopped doing that, otherwise you'll spend your life wondering what he might be hiding from you.

Only things I can suggest, as others have, flog the car, stop the kids savings, eat cheap, and turn every penny over three times before it's spent on anything.
Don't even think about buying a house until you have no debts, at least a 10% deposit in the bank, and 3 months wages in a savings account.
HTH and Good luck

sp1987

Can you show him this thread? I know you say he does not use forums himself but it might be helpful to him to see some helpful advice and to see what he can come up with from the ideas given. If he manages to sort this out himself, but with your support, he will be much better for it long term. The problem with helping somebody financially is that they may just do it all again later on because they have not had to plan to correct it. He needs your support and helpful suggestions but the best thing for him is to knuckle down and jump the hurdle himself, teaching his daughter how to overcome difficulties along the way. Plus, the debt is an amount that he can get out of in a relatively short term with the right planning and motivation. If he needs to cut daughters savings out tell him to deposit loose change for her so that he is at least depositing every month. When she is older she will see that at whatever point in her life he always deposited something, which varied according to his means. Who knows, when his debt has gone he may be able to up his monthly savings for her anyway so she will get more long term. It will teach her that money does not grow on trees and that some months people will have more than others, a great life lesson.

He can lie and say his daughter wants to go in your car to any other man he meets, go along with it, lol.