Please help!!! Boyfriend's dropped a bombshell

cakeywright

RAS wrote: »

You need to properly cost up the second car. Car tax, petrol, insurance, maintenance. Multiply by 12 and then add the cost of paying off the most expensive debt he owns over the next year, to the value of the car.

Any way you can leave him the car on occasions? Or is there a car pool near you?

Yes i could actually.....he needs to be a man and not be worried about driving my ultra girlie car!

cakeywright

RAS wrote: »

Not so much a bad move as a disasterous one, unless actual amount he would pay off over the years is less than paying off the credit cards, bearing in mind that the cost of the cards will reduce over time.
As you say, he has already done that and wracked up the credit cards again.

I went down his wallet, took the cards and cut them up!!!!

RAS

cakeywright wrote: »

Yes i could actually.....he needs to be a man and not be worried about driving my ultra girlie car!

Exactly and I am sure his daughter would be very happy in the ultra girlie car.

cakeywright

Thanks so much guys - its been so nice to talk to someone other than him about all this and to get other peoples perspectives on it all.

Happytogetdebtfree

hey .... sounds like with abit of tweaking you can really get the debt down,, but he has to be willing to reduce the debt im just worried you wiull reduce the debt and he may get other credit cards... now it doesnt seem like he has alot of debt could he get 0% credit cards ? that would make life easier ?? dont get any consolidation loans.. and deffo make use of freecycle x good luck x

mark55man

hi cakey - good luck.

I know still extravagent by some standards here, but me and family (6 in all) knocked our grocery spending down by 30% just by swapping down to value brands, cooking a bit more from scratch (even if its simple - eg baked potato and beans), really looking for bargains on the online shopping. We just got a Lidl locally, and that will knock even more off - worth going a bit out of the way for - wish I had even a 30 mile round trip would have been paid for by savings

I totally agree with packed lunches - again for 6 of us spending 15 minutes in morning making 6xsandwiches/salads/... saves me £1500 a year

look at old style board for some real heroes / maniacs. but even if you save £5 once a week by doing corned beef hash or pasta bake that's still £20 a month

mandragora_2

cakeywright wrote: »

Thanks so much guys - its been so nice to talk to someone other than him about all this and to get other peoples perspectives on it all.

Just one question. Why is it you on the MSE site asking these questions and getting advice? Why isn't it him? I know he's one of the good guys, from what you've said, it's just I'd want to know the answer to that one, I think, if I was in your shoes. Take it very, very carefully. His debt. His habits. He's going to need to be the one to break it.

mark55man

PS - it seems like you both got your head screwed on and are sensible(ish), so you might want to look at the Matched Betting pages which exploits bookies introductory offers, and if careful is not putting your money at risk.

PS - also with you BF at home at odd hours, some of the other things you can do in the "up your income board" might help him put a bit more towards it.

PPS - its really about cutting down on things that you do a lot, and not going too mad when you let your hair down (as you will need to now and again)

Minxy_Bella

OP, I'm sure your BF is a really lovely guy but please take heed of an old bird who used to be very trusting and learned the hard way - do not pay his way out of debt.

By cutting his cards up, you've treated him like a child. By paying his debts, you'll be treating him like a child. He feels guilty and embarrassed enough that he cannot buy you a house (yes, really!) so don't emasculate him any further - he might rebel in other ways.

Let him deal with it himself - help cut your living costs down by all means but leave it at that. He's a grown up - he needs to adjust his lifestyle in order to get himself out of debt. If he can't, then are you prepared to pay for him for the next 10/20 years?

I ruddy wouldn't. (Again!)

mandragora_2

Minxy_Bella wrote: »

OP, I'm sure your BF is a really lovely guy but please take heed of an old bird who used to be very trusting and learned the hard way - do not pay his way out of debt.

By cutting his cards up, you've treated him like a child. By paying his debts, you'll be treating him like a child. He feels guilty and embarrassed enough that he cannot buy you a house (yes, really!) so don't emasculate him any further - he might rebel in other ways.

Let him deal with it himself - help cut your living costs down by all means but leave it at that. He's a grown up - he needs to adjust his lifestyle in order to get himself out of debt. If he can't, then are you prepared to pay for him for the next 10/20 years?

I ruddy wouldn't. (Again!)

So that's two old birds who've sounded a note of caution now.... I dunno why we turn out such cynics! In my case it wasn't the man I married that I had in mind when I thought about blokes not 'owning' the responsibility, but the ones I raised. Only myslef to blame, I guess:rolleyes: