Please help!!! Boyfriend's dropped a bombshell

cakeywright

Hi guys

New to the site and really need some advice.
I've always been sensible with money and am currently saving so that me and my partner can get mortgage and/or get married.

He's been quiet for a while when I have been talking about our plans, and he has dropped the bombshell that he is in £11,500 debt (a personal loan, credit cards and overdraft) as well as owing family £5k.

I have been trying to help, but really don't know what to suggest. I am due to go to a housing development tomorrow to discuss a first time buyer intiative but is it even worth it now?

I thought he should perhaps get another personal loan to lump everything together, but this site advises against it. We rent and the moment and the reason this debt has occured is because he can't afford the costs of living and has been using cards to top up his income. Can anyone give any advice to help me get him out of this hole???

blondy24

Perhaps you could list yours and your b/f's SOA's as there are loads of people on here that will kindly give advice.

Good luck and no doubt you will get some good advice although I doubt it will be easy to get rid of the debt quickly.

Oldernotwiser

What level of income does he have and over what period has he racked up these debts?

Tixy

Hi cakey

How awful to have it dropped on you like this - at least he has told you of the situation finally.

Are your finances currently joint/separate? He needs to write out a full financial statement of affairs - if you live together do this as a combined budget http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html that way you can see the full situation.

Do you currently have any joint financial products? If you don't then keep it that way for the time being - also I would advise against you taking out any loans/debts in your name to clear his.

It certainly looks like buying a house together is out of the question for the time being. If he is struggling financially he will be unlikely to get a mortgage.

Once you have completed the SoA look through it together to see what changes could be made, can you cut out luxuries, reduce costs, then post it on here for more suggestions on the best way forward.

Good luck

Happytogetdebtfree

hi cakey, pop up a statement of affairs, and lets see where we can help ypou and oh if he is willing to be helped, nip the debt in the bud while you can.... x look forward to seeing your income and outgoings x

cakeywright

Thanks blondy

At the moment we both contribute £650 each to the joint account which covers out rent, household bills and food for the month.
My partner, in addition to this, pays £120 in child maintenance, £70 car insurance (unfortunatly we both need our own vehicles) £160 in travel (he works in the city), £30 phone bill, £180 loan repayments plus the minimum payments that the credit cards are demanding, which leave him in the red.
I've already gone through his accounts to check if there is anything he can cut back on. I am going to help him with some of my spare money each month, but things are still going to be incredibly tight, and the credit cards won't be reducing.

Oldernotwiser

I know I'm a cynic but I'd like to know where all this money has gone before I looked any further; particularly if these debts have been incurred over a short period.

RAS

Hi

There is a very old adage - cut your coat according to your cloth. It may be that BF has been trying to live a life he cannot afford. Fortunately it is not a huge amount of debt so it will be possible to make inroads.

Do suggest that he posts an SOA and we can help him.

cakeywright

I understand your cynicism, but I have seen his c/card statements and he is using it on things like buying travel cards, buying lunch (I'm making him packed lunches now!) and things like clothing for his daughter (we have her stay with us 50% of the time). Theres definitly nothing dodgy going on. The reason it happened is because he was already in some debt when we moved in together (which he didn't tell me), and couldn't really afford to move in, but a year down the line and the debts have spiralled.

RAS

You need to look at the stuff in the £650 package and see what you can reduce.

You really do need to do the full SOA. It is not plain from your comment above if the £70 covers his car or both. If it is just his, that is a lot of money. Does he have points, drive a porsche?

He may also need to explore the situation regarding his child, as if she lives with you half the week, he may not have to pay the full maintenance costs. If mum is getting the CB, then she should buy clothes.

cakeywright

I will take a look when I get home at everything and post.

Thanks for all of your help guys