Confused by teenage sons fibs...

TeetersOnHeels

I don't mind being used as an excuse if I know whats going on, and like I've said before, if I'm making an excuse I don't usually use a specific person unless they are aware of it.
I'm not particularly annoyed at him, more that I've taken time off thinking I was doing him a favour...like someone said previously, I'm now paying the penalty for snooping in the first place - should have left well alone!:rolleyes:

bestpud

All of my children have used me to get out of something at some time or another!

DD(7) has friends who don't seem to take no for an answer so she gets me to answer the door and say she has to come in!

And I have quite recently sent dd(17) a pre-arranged text to get her out of something she didn't want to do!

As already said, children find it harder to say no than we do, but they all understand if parents say 'no'.

How can you justify making him squirm while sitting there knowing you've secretly gone through his phone??

That's just as bad as his white lie imo!

He trusts you, as he'd have deleted his texts if he didn't, and you have betrayed that trust, so you have no right to take the moral high ground with him!

Puzzledbubbles

I would be looking at this another way, with a 15 year old potentially in the house alone for an hour or so i would think its great that his gf is not coming over so that they can have adult alone time behind your backs and that its not something much more sinister!

mishkanorman

you better just hope he isnt telling one girlfriend no because the other one is due round

mishka

TeetersOnHeels

:eek::eek: Now there's something I hadn't thought of!! lol!!

BeenieCat

bestpud wrote: »

How can you justify making him squirm while sitting there knowing you've secretly gone through his phone??

But the lad doesn't know she knows, so if she hadn't snooped and her parents asked, then she'd be unaware and say she wasn't working anyway. So he'd end up squirming anyway lol

Unless i've read it wrong.

bestpud

BeenieCat wrote: »

But the lad doesn't know she knows, so if she hadn't snooped and her parents asked, then she'd be unaware and say she wasn't working anyway. So he'd end up squirming anyway lol

Unless i've read it wrong.

I know that, but I was thinking more of the OP sitting their taking the moral high ground and smiling inwardly to herself when she knows she is just as bad, but in a different way iyswim?

If it had come out by accident, then it would serve him right for not warning his mum he wanted the night to himself, but saying now would be deliberately making him feel uncomfortable and I, personally, would feel a hypocrite if I did that to my son in these circumstances.

Tbh it all seems a bit intense to me and I don't blame him for wanting a breather! He probably thinks his mum would tell make him go if he told her as she gets on with them so well.

Bufger

He's 15, concentrate on your relationship with him rather than what his GF and her family think. At his age he will want to be hanging out with mates and playing xbox just as much as seeing a GF. To be honest if hes getting text messages like that hes probably starting to feel a little too involved in her and wants to step back a bit. You're just a scapegoat for that but its better than him changing who he is and pretending everything is just perfect!

He sounds like a good lad from the little bit i've read so make sure you give him space when he needs it and also support when he needs it!

Dont mention the phone and never ever read it again! That there is a relationship wrecker and completely not worth the risk.

TeetersOnHeels

Whoa!! Lets just hold our horses for one tiny moment -
Bestspud - while I appreciate your side of stuff, I would neither be a) "smiling inwardly" if this was mentioned tonight when I pick him up, nor b) telling him to go, as I "get on with her parents so well"...

I think what I actually said was "I get invited in" when I pick him up. We don't socialize together, it's a few words in the kitchen, just as it is in my house when DS has friends round.
In the 16mths they've being seeing each other DS spends roughly 1/2 his free time with her and 1/2 with his mates - he appreciated us talking about what might happen if he spent every waking moment with her, and his friends might drift away...
As far as "smiling inwardly" goes..IF her parents had mentioned anything I would've said that maybe DS must have got my shifts mixed up...otherwise I will be leaving things as they are.
When I was looking for the phone no. in the first place it was DS who said "Oh its on my phone, just scroll down til you find it" I realise I should not have snooped, ...but I'm not really sure where me trying to take the moral high ground came into this at all.

bestpud

TeetersOnHeels wrote: »

Although if it does get mentioned by her mum & dad tonight I might just throw in that I've managed to get the evening off, and leave him to sqirm!!

I took that as you saying you may well let on about your shift if asked, and let him deal with the consequences? You don't mention letting him back off the hook by saing he may have got mixed up!

TeetersOnHeels wrote: »

Whoa!! Lets just hold our horses for one tiny moment -
Bestspud - while I appreciate your side of stuff, I would neither be a) "smiling inwardly" if this was mentioned tonight when I pick him up, nor b) telling him to go, as I "get on with her parents so well"...

I think what I actually said was "I get invited in" when I pick him up. We don't socialize together, it's a few words in the kitchen, just as it is in my house when DS has friends round.

When I was looking for the phone no. in the first place it was DS who said "Oh its on my phone, just scroll down til you find it" I realise I should not have snooped, ...but I'm not really sure where me trying to take the moral high ground came into this at all.

I didn't say for one minute you would tell him to go! What I said was, he may think that is what you would say!!

Letting on your shift has changed and leaving him to squirm is an attempt to let him know lies can have consequences? Am I right?

But you yourself have done something wrong and are only in a position to deliberately drop him in it because you've read his texts.

Can't you see how hypocritical it is to be cross with him and 'make him pay' (albeit in a very small way), when you were bang out of order too?

Personally, I think you should say nothing in front of them as it seems wrong in the circumstances.