Bipolar support thread

tankgirl1

Hi everyone

I've had depression for years, was just diagnosed with bipolar II last week. Since then I have been reading up, and have also started a new med - have been on venlefaxine for years - just started quetiapine - zombie drug or what lol!

I've also been paying closer attention to my moods and actions, and despite the quetiapine I think I may be having a manic phase....? Very irritable, want to say and do inappropriate things (so far have stopped myself), my thoughts are going 10 to the dozen, and I want to do everything - volunteering, studying, helping at school - I'm like 'Yeah Pick ME!'........ even though deep down I know I'll never be able to follow it up once I hit a down....

It surprised me that I was on a 'high' at the mo, as 99% of the time I don't feel like it, I feel lower than low, but my actions, and thoughts tell me otherwise....

Anubis_2

My daughter has this. It has been a very hard struggle the last few years, her meltdowns have been emotionally and physically draining and given my disabilities and daily struggle it has almost caused a family breakdown - we are hanging on by the edge. I do not claim DLA for her though, we are trying to work through it and making a little progress. It breaks my heart though

bibime

Hi there.As you can see i am new to this site.I was searching the web for more info on the DLA form,which i have kind of filled in today thanks to my local CAB.I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar back in April of this year following many many years of depression and bouts of mania.The diagnosis has been along time coming.Im on so much medication i cant seem to think straight at the mo.This DLA form has triggered so much worry.The lady that helped me with the form made me realise how ill i am at the momment and that it is certainly not healthy for my 18 yr old son who does everything..Administers my meds as i dont have a clue..has to go out with me when i go out as im so sedated i dont know what day it is alot of the time.This makes me illl as my illness is stealing his life and dragging him with me.The fact he has to do everything at the momment...cooking,cleaning,washing..getting my clothes ready..getting me up..always prompting me to wash and dress as other wise i would not leave my bed or room.Im feeling anxious..to a point aggressive.
the CAB lady pointed out that i need further help in my household as im clearly not coping and my son is so young.Now my paranoia at the momment is if i go through with this DLA or get help in from social services...They will take my kids!..i dont want them to think i cant cope and take them.My youngest is just 11 months.I have 6 kids and no father around,im raising them alone and dealing with my illness and keeping a house and to make matters worse my father is having a manic episode and is very delusional..thankfully he is gettn the support he really needs..cpn,care team ect...and new meds..
Has anybody been so ill with an episode that the children are at risk of being taken?
Its making me think to forget all about this form and go on as i was..:(
I cant win with my life!! im ill without meds and with meds im so sedated and doormant i dont feel here or there..
help!! in need of some support from people who understand and dont think im crazy
niki
xxx

bibime

By the way what a lovely thread this is...im glad i found it
xx

mandy_moo_1

hi bibime,

first of all, welcome to the forum

and sending you lots of ((((hugs))))

like you, i've been suffering depression and mania phases for the last 15yrs, but it was only 3 months ago that i was finally seen by a psychiatrist and assigned a CPN and diagnosed with Bi Polar II

i also have suffer with agoraphobia, severe anxiety and depression, OCD and social phobia

i was on the highest dose of antidepressants that the doc could give me, and they just did absolutely nothing for me, especially as i have more manic phases than depressive

i know EXACTLY what you mean about feeling invincible and that you could take on anything and everything when you're feeling "high". i'm exactly the same

i can go for weeks with only a couple of hours sleep a night and must drive my poor hubby and son up the wall when i'm up at 2am hoovering etc!!

i just had my DLA application back, and they've awarded me HRC and LRM, plus my hubby can now be recognised as my carer so thats one good thing i suppose

PLEASE dnt worry about putting in your application because you think they'll take your children off you....the only time social services do that these days is if you are in danger of hurting or neglecting them, and if your eldest is 18, if they see that he's helping out a lot, that will certainly go in your favour

do you have any other family to help you out? are you able to talk to your CPN about your worries?

just a few weeks ago i was in a major down phase, and i was convinced they would come and take me away because i was refusing to take my meds, but my CPN convinced me that that was the ABSOLUTELY last resort if i had been a real danger to myself or others

sorry for rabbiting on!! try and keep your chin up, and there's always someone to talk to on here xxx

Trialia

TankGirl, that sounds like a mixed episode to me... I get them - my diagnosis is ultradian-cycling bipolar type-not-otherwise-specified (NOS), and mixed episodes are about the worst. Being suicidal and having the energy to actually DO something about it, is what I usually say about them. Good luck! I've never had quetiapine - one of the ones they didn't want to even try on me, as I'm mostly treatment-resistent and have a half-dozen other health problems that clash - but I hear it's not the best early on.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

Yup, I too have issue concerning time. I get really confused over what I have done & when I have done it.

I'm also really clumsy, not sure whether this is a Bipolar trait. But I am a disaster always banging into things or knocking things over.

As for ESA & ATOS, the last medical I had to attend, the stress of it before I even got to the appointment caused me to self harm. I really don't think that DWP has any idea of how complex Bipolar is, especially if you have other MH issues aswell. I can't see why they can't just leave people to get better without pestering. Noone wants to be ill & these medicals are so stressful, it does cause BIpolar symptoms to dramatically worsen. Then all the hard work you may have done trying to get better, just goes out of the window.

System

The stress from my last medical ended with me self harming and being suicidal. The woman assessing me actually asked to see my self harm which shocked me and upset me. Its a very private thing and i go to great lengths to hide it.

And i have to go through it all over again in september.

Really struggling, been in a depressive episode since last september, it hasn't lifted. I don't seem to have a period of normality in between episodes i'm either depressed or manic.

the_devil_made_me_do_it

Same, the assesor at my last medical asked to see where I had self-harmed. Felt really embarrased & quite ashamed, certainly didn't do anything to help my stress levels.

Trialia

If they ever ask to see where I've self-harmed, I'll be in trouble - when I did I always made meticulously sure that I didn't cut deeply enough to scar myself, I used to scratch myself with needles and pins and put my hands in boiling water...