living with a chronic condition (part 4)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Basket - I'm sorry to hear that. It is a sad thing, but lung cancer progresses in many different ways - I hope I am not speaking out of turn, but that basically is telling me that it has spread, hence your mother's reaction. I am sure that everyone who has part of their lung removed has a tiny hope that every last scrap of cancer was got out, letters like that bring them crashing down - I obviously can't say for definite, medical advice is not appropriate online.

I am pretty sure that they will welcome your help and involvement. Even if they need to speak to your mum to check it's OK to talk to you, or refer it on to the nurse, their aim is the welfare of your mum, especially if your dad can't manage it himself at the moment. You may be needed in so many ways, and the care you provide could be just what is needed. You're a smart person and I am sure that you will be able to ask all the right questions when the chance comes.

Careful_with_that_Axe

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

Again, to show the point I make, you question me being here! Do you honestly think that that would make me feel welcome? You aren't able to say "No need to feel nervous, Welcome"?
I say that someone was rude and it certainly feels that you run to your friends defence, otherwise you may have been more welcoming.
There are a few messages that talk about conditions and the like and then it wanders off onto all manner of things that are not easy to break into.
The message structure too is all about replying to each other personally which puts people like me on the outside to start with.
I am not bothered about your conversation topics, just that I am finding it difficult to get a foot in the door, so to speak.
My first post said that.
Your first post to me confirmed it!

You seem to be finding offence where none is intended. I said I felt sorry that you didn't feel welcome here, but was unsure why your first post was only pointing that out rather than saying Hi and introducing yourself as others have and been welcomesd. Apart from anything else it is somewhat off topic, and there is little point in posting just to complain about the thread, but thanks for your input.

Careful_with_that_Axe

arealbasketcase When my Mum was terminal, my Sis amd I arranged to meet the consultant on the wards to try to understand things a bit better. There is nothing selfish about the way you feel - they are totally normal emotions in an anything but normal situation. If you are really having difficulty coping (let's face it, who could cope in that situation?), is there any way you could talk to your GP for some help of some kind?

It is sometimes easier talking to a stranger which is partly why I suggested the Samaritans - I think things just pour out rather than having to think of something to say, but you must find someone/something that suits you to offload.

sammy That sounds a horrendous situation. I don't know how recently you have been diagnosed, but my understand is that it can take some time to get a stable routine of meds that works. Good luck with finding the triggers.

Fading fast tonight, so I'll send you all hugs and say Night, night, sleep tight to all.

arealbasketcase

Thanks Jojo, I've bookmarked loads of web pages and lined up all my questions.

My mum has given so much to so many people over the years, it's the very least I can do to try and help now.

I can honestly say she has never asked me for help, never, in my life and I never thought the day would come when she would need my help. Today she actually suggested I rang the nurse, then I knew she was ill.

Mum asked me to explain to my older sister but I'm waiting until tomorrow when hopefully I will understand more. I'm hoping the news might be better than I fear. Unlike me, my sister has had more than her fair share of bad days, I would rather spare her the worry if I can.

I think I should go to bed now and let natures "disk clean-up" sort out my thoughts.

Thanks for all the kind words of support, they really have helped.

kassandra

arealbasketcase wrote: »

Hi Everyone, feeling really low and confused and just need to know someone is out there. My mum is really poorly and my mother in law is worse, OH and his family are with her 'cos she may not last the night.

I need my guy here to hold me tight but he can't be, I can't be with him 'cos his mum is infectious and I can't risk passing it to my mum.

I have never in my life been in the midst of such a drama and I don't know how to cope.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. Life deals such a poor hand at times and I don't think I can say anything that will make you feel better but we are here to listen whenever you need to vent xxxx

Careful_with_that_Axe wrote: »

Emailed you a coupla times?

Ah, not checked my E-mail in days. Shall go and do it in a mo.

Ruby_Moon wrote: »

Which arguement are you referring to?
I also didn't say I found the thread unfriendly, just difficult to join in.
As I say, it would seem that my friend and also myself are right. If you are not part of the "in crowd" you are made to feel unwelcome. I am not a confident person. I followed the chatter adn the more cliquey it seemed, the harder it was to start anything.
I felt it wasnt appropriate to mention any condition, for example, when there was a lot of talk about unrelated stuff, like when someone was knocked over.
When I did pluck up some courage and tentatively asked if it was ok to post several people answer, not with a welcome, but with rude messages that seem to be saying "This is our thread" It is honestly how you have made me feel.

Oh puurrrlease :rolleyes: Come on now be reasonable. This thread is here for anyone to join and there has never been a bad word as long as I've been here. I'm certainly not going to apologise for becoming friends with the people on this thread. They had all known each other a while when I joined and I did feel a bit on the outside for a while because previous conversations/topics that occured before I joined were being discussed but I was welcomed and it wasn't anybodies fault I felt a little like that, that's just how it is when you meet any group of people! You have to jump in and get involved in things or you will always feel a bit of an outsider but that is your issue. As for being "the in crowd" I find that a huge insult to my intelligence and rather childish. I replied to your post and never included the word welcome but I rather thought that was implied by the answering of your question. Sometimes we are tired/in pain and don't always stand on ceremony but surely you must understand that yourself? I can't speak for anyone else but I just don't have the energy for dealing with negativity. Yes, this is our thread, as in anyone who joins us and part of that support means we can talk about our days. How can you complain about someone telling us she was knocked over :eek: How insensitive!!! Please start over if you feel you can bring positivity and the mutual support that we provide for each other. It is a lifeline for a lot of us and chatting about things is how we go about it. We understand each other and before this thread I felt so isolated because I felt no-one quite understood how I was feeling. If I've had a bad day I can come on here and rant and get loads of positive support which in turn prevents my flare ups, from being upset, from being horrendously bad. We all have enough negativity in our lives from our various illnesses. None of us needs to argue and I certainly don't have the energy.

kassandra

Mousey, sorry, been away from here for a few days and haven't caught up yet so just a quick hello for now.

Sammy, that sounds awful. My mum was epileptic and I remember as a child they would always try and hide it from me when she had a seizure. I remember being so worried cos my mum kept on being taken away and no-one would tell me anything. She was quite embarrased by it too. She didn't tell anyone she had that condition which frustrated me like crazy as I felt the people at her work needed to know in case anything happened. The day she died (so to speak, officially it was two days later but I knew she wasn't there anymore) her boss rang me and said she had been taken to hospital after collapsing. I wasn't worried and told her boss she was epileptic. She had said she was fitting so I just presumed it was an epileptic seizure. It was actually an aneurism that had burst. I'm rambling now and going way off topic :eek: so I shall stop talking now. I'm way too tired to really make sense anyway so I shall just wave and send positive thoughts your way

black_paw

kassandra wrote: »

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. Life deals such a poor hand at times and I don't think I can say anything that will make you feel better but we are here to listen whenever you need to vent xxxx


Ah, not checked my E-mail in days. Shall go and do it in a mo.



Oh puurrrlease :rolleyes: Come on now be reasonable. This thread is here for anyone to join and there has never been a bad word as long as I've been here. I'm certainly not going to apologise for becoming friends with the people on this thread. They had all known each other a while when I joined and I did feel a bit on the outside for a while because previous conversations/topics that occured before I joined were being discussed but I was welcomed and it wasn't anybodies fault I felt a little like that, that's just how it is when you meet any group of people! You have to jump in and get involved in things or you will always feel a bit of an outsider but that is your issue. As for being "the in crowd" I find that a huge insult to my intelligence and rather childish. I replied to your post and never included the word welcome but I rather thought that was implied by the answering of your question. Sometimes we are tired/in pain and don't always stand on ceremony but surely you must understand that yourself? I can't speak for anyone else but I just don't have the energy for dealing with negativity. Yes, this is our thread, as in anyone who joins us and part of that support means we can talk about our days. How can you complain about someone telling us she was knocked over :eek: How insensitive!!! Please start over if you feel you can bring positivity and the mutual support that we provide for each other. It is a lifeline for a lot of us and chatting about things is how we go about it. We understand each other and before this thread I felt so isolated because I felt no-one quite understood how I was feeling. If I've had a bad day I can come on here and rant and get loads of positive support which in turn prevents my flare ups, from being upset, from being horrendously bad. We all have enough negativity in our lives from our various illnesses. None of us needs to argue and I certainly don't have the energy.

here here !

pipkin71

Sorry to hear what you're going through arealbasketcase. There's lots of support on the board when you feel like you need to chat about things. Hopefully, once you've spoken to the nurse today, you will know more.

pipkin71

kassandra wrote: »

I can't speak for anyone else but I just don't have the energy for dealing with negativity.

Agree kassandra. There is so much going on irl, that negativity can take away energy needed elsewhere, and is quite often unnecessary.

poohbear59

Careful_with_that_Axe wrote: »

pooh I am sorry that you have problems, but you really can't hold yourself responsible for someone else's emotional state. That's a hell of a burden to place on yourself. Have you or him or both of you had any counselling at all?

cwta Thanks for helping me put it into perspective. As you and others say on here we don't need anything more negative and you encouraged me to think more positively about our situation. I think maybe we can drag each other down or we can buoy each other up. I will now be trying to buoy up.

Dh has gone for a long soak in the bath and I am going to have a go at lighting the fire as it is cold here today and a roaring fire can cheer the soul:)