In-Laws! urgh!!!!!

naijapower

Very bizzare in laws you have got.
Wish you the very best

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Skippycat wrote: »

I think you really need to try and use this opportunity to lay down ground rules with your OH. I hope you don't mind me saying, but I honestly think that his behaviour sounds as if it is partly to blame for how this situation has become so bad. By cheating on you he has sent a message to his family confirming that it is ok for them to treat you badly (after all he has!). This might have been unintentional but if he has treated you without love or respect then the family will have used this as even more of a reason for them to do the same. Your OH may be angry with his family at the minute but this isn't enough. He needs to understand that his priority needs to be you and your child's happiness and welfare NOT want his disgusting family want. I would be tempted to ask your OH how long HE expects you and your child to put up with this and what HE is going to do when your child ends up emotionally scarred by the whole situation.

They were an !!!! before that happened, they just now dont care what they say, before it was always behind my back.

They have a lot of underlaying issues with me. One is that my mum and dad can afford to spend money on us and OHs family cant. When me and OH broke up he told them i was controlling, especially with money, what he didnt tell them was he was in 30k debt and i had paid half of it off and have set up agreements to pay rest off - Although they would probably blame me for the debts. They are angry he moved out - he used to work for a well named company and got alot of money and paid the majority of their bills, he moved out because they didnt like him staying over night with me. They HATE the fact my DD has my surname (again agreed by OH - i told him when we first got together if i had kids they would have my surname and when i fell pregnant he reminded me i had said it and said it was ok) as mentioned they dont like it me and DD arent christained (am i spelling thaat right?) They dont like the fact i kicked him out when we broke up and that the house is in my name (its rented and because of debts i only wanted it in my name) they think im a snob (yeah i kinda am lol) and they hate it that they dont see OH much, he works away and when hes home he spends time with me or he goes out, like today he's gone fishing. They have a car but never come and see us - we live 30 min away.

they say kids turn into their parents dont they? ill go down for murder lol

Abbafan1972

OP - I can understand where you're coming from, my in-laws are vile too and I won't have anything to do with them.

The argument started over babysitting, we have 2 DD's aged 5 & 7. OH asked MIL on a number of occasions if she could do a Saturday night, so we could go out. She always refused to do it because racing the poxy greyhounds at the track was more important. Anyway OH stopped them from seeing DD's for ages, we never saw them over Xmas and MIL just dropped the kids presents in the porch.

Anyway the DD's are going round again and have been for a while, but I won't go round and haven't for over 12 months. When OH takes the kids round I stay at home. All birthday cards are just signed from OH because I don't wish to put my name on. MIL won't babysit for us still as she said "wouldn't feel welcome", but that's just an excuse. The in-laws never visit us and they live 1/2 mile away. I think FIL has been here twice and we have lived in this house since 1995.

OP - I don't really have any advice as such, but where my in-laws are concerned, I don't really give a s**t what they think of me and don't rise above it.

As for the christening issue, it's got !!!!!! all to do with them anyway. Me and OH never had a christening and our 2 DD's haven't either, as we don't believe in any of it and would feel uncomfortable expecting family you haven't seen for years (and can't stand the sight of) to start cooing over your baby all afternoon and then disappearing into the night for another few years, plus there's the cost of it all.

Getting back to the original issue, I wouldn't want SIL and her OH to start eating each other at a kids' party. It would encourage a lot of awkward questions.

I also have issues with my own parents, but that's a story for another thread......

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

lol ive just gone into my diary and looked at my schedule for the next two weeks . . . then realised theres and entry marked "XX weding anniversary" well . . they arent getting a card! hmph!

I dont think MIL would remember which one is our house so i doubt we will get DD's pressies - address was on invite but i bet its been thrown

mystic_trev

mommyme wrote: »

lol ive just gone into my diary and looked at my schedule for the next two weeks . . . then realised theres and entry marked "XX weding anniversary" well . . they arent getting a card! hmph!

This is probably the best course of 'action' Confrontation rarely works in these situations. You'll be surprised what an effect putting someone on 'ignore' has!

icequeen1969

A similar thing happened with my family. I walked away and let them get on with it knowing that they would soon enough be !!!!!ing at each other and falling out between themselves. Sure enough I'm told it's happened.
Let them get on with it, I'm well rid of my lot. And as for the children, they will understand as they get older and love you for just being you.
Their BIG loss love.xxxxxx

Rachel85

Your in laws sound horrible, and you're better distancing yourself from them. However, I do maintain that your sil is within her rights to be annoyed that you've not allowed her to bring her partner, simply because its a same sex partner. If your family have issues with that, that's their problem surely? I understand that some (particularly older) relatives often haven't got used to the idea of living in such a liberal society yet. My grandparents are a bit like that, but a gay friend of mine still came along to my wedding with his boyfriend - why on earth shouldn't he? I have no idea whether my grandparents took offence or not, but to be honest I don't care either way.

You need to live by example. You say that your in laws have never liked you, but you've sent the strongest singnal that you don't like your sil's new partner.

moiramber

Your inlaws sound exactly like mine! I thought it was only me with in laws from hell!!!

As others have said, Ignore them, it's THIER loss not yours! thats the way I think about things anyway!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

thanks everyone for the replies, nice to know im not the only one and im definatley not some nasty cow as im being made to feel!

I can understand why comedians use in law jokes now . . .

BitterAndTwisted

As I see it, distancing yourself from the in-laws is all well and good, and in your position I would do the same, but the real danger is that your own disagreements with the in-laws might cause a permanent wedge between your partner and his folks and eventually you'll be seen as the cause. My sister had to treat very, very carefully to prevent that in her own marriage but then her MIL is stupid and evil and very possibly mentally unwell. She encouraged her husband to remain in contact with his parents and he used to take the children to visit on his own.