In-Laws! urgh!!!!!

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

ok long story kinda short.

Me and OH been together for 7 years, got a 2 yr old DD and live in the same village as my parents. His family have NEVER liked me, the first time i met them they shouted at me for being rude (i was extremely shy in meeting them and it was kind of forced upon me to see them) and we have clashed over things throughout the years.

Now S-I-L is bisexual. One week shes with a girl, next week its a boy - always that pattern, girl boy girl boy which i find odd (i have a few bisexual friends who have said this pattern does occur but it generally breaks - her pattern hasnt broke in 3 years so far)

Anyway, DD is having a birthday party for family only. S-I-L was single when we arranged this. I sent out invites and got a text off her saying "im coming over, can mrs come too" now before anyone says anything, I really dont care if people are straight, bi, gay, not picky - each to their own - but my S-I-L has a habit of ramming her tongue down partners neck in front of everyone and groping them - so for that reason i spoke to my OH and we agreed that on this occasion we would rather S-I-L didnt bring her GF but invited her to bring her another time.

BIG MISTAKE

I realised we hadn't heard from in-laws about DD's party or even acknowledging invites, so OH rang them. They've told him to pick, me or them. Hes stood by me and they WHOLE family - Grannys, aunty, uncle, mum, dad and sister have told him that he isnt welcome around their house any more. They moaned my family have more to do with us (we once lived roun the corner from mum n dad-in-law and they never bothered to visit) and they have picked at everything about us. They are angry im not christained and neither is our DD (me and OH agreed she wouldnt be christained) and i really dont see what their problem is, they only go to church when its xmas! They have refused to come and see DD, Called her a B***ard child (well yeah technically she is as we arent married but still!) and they demanded OH goes over without me to pick up DD's presents.

Ive asked OH not to get pressies and told them they should bring them over themselves. I'd rather not have anything to do with them, i know OH is extremely angry at them at the moment and to be honest, they arent the kind of people i want my child around. When we told them i was pregnant i was told to "consider abortion" in a harsh way and when m-i-l told a friend i was pregnant the friend said "oh im so sorry" and m-i-l started crying! they havent really had anything to do with DD and dont make an effort with us. M-I-L been to our house once since we moved in a year ago, F-i-l never been.

Am i being petty?

lolababy

Hi what horrible people. Id not let them near my child or have any contact. If someone called by child a b, Id wrap my hands around their throat.
Id steer clear of them and if your oh has any sense he will too.

Penny-Pincher!!

Live your life for you and daughter not them!

They sound like my in-laws with whom we have nothing to do with!

PP
xx

Skippycat

I don't think you're being petty at all. Your OH's family sound completely unstable to be honest!!! If I were in your position I would cut off all contact with your OH's family. If your OH wants to stay in contact with them then that is his choice, however he can't expect you and your child to put up with this behaviour from his relatives for the rest of your lives. Your MIL's behaviour is particularly shocking. If she wanted you to have an abortion and has been calling your child names like that she obviously feels a lot of hatred towards not only you but your child as well. To be honest if it were my child I wouldn't feel comfortable having someone like that anywhere near them. Who knows what she may try to say or do???? Your daughter may only be young now but eventually this type of behaviour will start to affect her.....

chopperharris

Lets hope their interpretation of christianity means they will be disowning their own daughter too.

Technically speaking christ himself would have been a b astard , in that joseph being the husband was not the father of his wifes child....and look what happened there a whole religion founded on him.

When it comes to bad inlaws they just arent worth the hassle , on both sides.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Skippycat wrote: »

Who knows what she may try to say or do???? Your daughter may only be young now but eventually this type of behaviour will start to affect her.....

Thats what im worried about but im worried i will be blamed by DD when shes older for not allowing her to see them. Hopefully i can explain and she wont want contact but it raises a lot of difficult hurdles for me to get over. Ive told OH ill send presents etc back but he said thats lowering myself to their level but i know if we accept them they will moan that they are spending money on her and not seeing her. Can they still take me to court and force access as grandparents rights? Not sure if u have read my olders posts on this board - OH basically cheated on me, kisses not sex, and his parents blamed ME for it - thats what kind of people they are like.

I know they have been brewing over things a while now but i cant help but blame his sister for most of it, She took our comments as personal insults rather than looking at it from our point of view. To be honest in think shes very spoilt and childish. Shes 23, when my DD was playing with a teddy s-i-l snatched it from her and when DD started to eat solids, m-i-l asked s-i-l to share a biscuit with DD only for s-i-l to shove it all in her mouth. I would understand if she was 7, but at 23 i would expect better behaviour. She annoys me as well - she introduces people to my DD as "aunty XX" and "uncle XX" which grates me!

just worried they will force their way into DDs life

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

chopperharris wrote: »

Lets hope their interpretation of christianity means they will be disowning their own daughter too.

They did disown her for a while but apprently thats been forgotten about - i tried to throw it at them in an arguement about us being disowned but it got frowned upon by OH so i shut up lol

The thing that annoys me is that my second mum is VERY religious, church all the time, prays alot etc, she has NEVER once judged me or tried to make me be anything, she has just took it as this is me. My Second mum and dad are coming to the party, as are my Grandma and her boyfriend (check that one out, my grannies 76 and has a boyfriend lol) and i REALLY dont think they would be comfortable with s-i-l groping her GF (s-i-l adament she wont but ive heard that before)

Rachel85

Your in laws do sound unreasonoable and hypocritical. However, what was exactly said in the text you sent to your sister in law? Whilst I understand your motives, could it have been interpreted as being homophobic?

Skippycat

mommyme wrote: »

Thats what im worried about but im worried i will be blamed by DD when shes older for not allowing her to see them. Hopefully i can explain and she wont want contact but it raises a lot of difficult hurdles for me to get over. Ive told OH ill send presents etc back but he said thats lowering myself to their level but i know if we accept them they will moan that they are spending money on her and not seeing her. Can they still take me to court and force access as grandparents rights? Not sure if u have read my olders posts on this board - OH basically cheated on me, kisses not sex, and his parents blamed ME for it - thats what kind of people they are like.

I know they have been brewing over things a while now but i cant help but blame his sister for most of it, She took our comments as personal insults rather than looking at it from our point of view. To be honest in think shes very spoilt and childish. Shes 23, when my DD was playing with a teddy s-i-l snatched it from her and when DD started to eat solids, m-i-l asked s-i-l to share a biscuit with DD only for s-i-l to shove it all in her mouth. I would understand if she was 7, but at 23 i would expect better behaviour. She annoys me as well - she introduces people to my DD as "aunty XX" and "uncle XX" which grates me!

just worried they will force their way into DDs life

I think you really need to try and use this opportunity to lay down ground rules with your OH. I hope you don't mind me saying, but I honestly think that his behaviour sounds as if it is partly to blame for how this situation has become so bad. By cheating on you he has sent a message to his family confirming that it is ok for them to treat you badly (after all he has!). This might have been unintentional but if he has treated you without love or respect then the family will have used this as even more of a reason for them to do the same. Your OH may be angry with his family at the minute but this isn't enough. He needs to understand that his priority needs to be you and your child's happiness and welfare NOT want his disgusting family want. I would be tempted to ask your OH how long HE expects you and your child to put up with this and what HE is going to do when your child ends up emotionally scarred by the whole situation.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I know she took it as we were homophobic. after initially saying to bring gf around another time she started and I basically texted that there was people coming who didnt understand or feel comfortable around same sex relationships. I also told her that i had the same conversation with my gay friend and he wasnt coming either (he hasnt kicked off as he understands its not me who feels awkward and as long as i save him cake he isnt fussed lol) and she texted me back saying that she shouldnt have to put up with this cr*p from family so we replied that we didnt care who she was with as long as she was happy and that we wasnt prepared to make people feel uncomfortable at a 2 year olds party. She texted back trying to argue a few times with us and we sent one back saying "we've said no, we arent arguing about this"

Before we said the GF shouldnt come i should point out that we rang m-i-l as we know what s-i-l is like so m-i-l was aware we was saying she couldnt come but apprently thats not good enough.

I did point out to s-i-l that i have quite a few gay and bi friends but she said they were "token" friends (charming isnt it!)

*Louise*

I hate texts - they can be so easily misconstrued

Your MIL sounds like she has a number of issues and your are probably better off staying out of it.

I wouldn't want OH going to collect presents either - if they can't give them themselves out of pettiness then they would mean nothing to me.