in laws

not_tonight_josephine_2

How often do you see your in laws? Do you stay with them when you do visit?

I find my OH's parents very hard work (they are nice people, just really hard work!), and they live far enough away that when we go to visit we do really need to stay over. Just wondered how often you think it's "reasonable" to do this so as not to upset OH? Obviously am happy to see them sometimes as this is part of being with my OH, but would rather keep it down to a minimum!

So how do other people feel about visiting in laws? Do you tell your OH if you don't enjoy doing this?

ifonlyitwaseasier

oh that sounds just like me and my in-laws, i love them but they don't get the concept of wanting some time to yourself, if i go upstairs for a couple of hours i get interrupted soooooooo many times

the one time i don't like going to visit is Xmas, mainly cos they don't do the food as i like it and i know thats not a major reason but they prefer buying it ready done and i like spending the time to make it myself iykwim

as we can't afford the petrol very often we go up about once every 3-4 months, but they don't come down often as they don't like staying anywhere but at home, very fussy about cleanliness (will find sthg to moan about!)

hopefully they will be moving back thisaway soon, will be within day visiting distance then.

not_tonight_josephine_2

thanks - that's exactly my issue, they are just so full on I don't have a moment of relaxation the whole visit! it makes me feel bad though as I know they are trying to be nice!

RoxieW

It used to be just holidays and special occassions, but now that we have children we see them once a month ish as I think its important to have a close relationship with their gramps. You could always go up but go out for the evening so you get some space.

never_enough

I have exactly the same thing with mine. It's just very full on when we visit which makes things quite stressful. I know part (most) of it is because they're excited to see us, but it does kind of stop us going more often, which makes it worse.
We have always stayed with them in the past but have got it down to just one night although that means a lot of driving. I guess on average we visit once or twice a year.
Food is quite an issue for us too, they eat very traditional & heavy meals, meat & two veg every time. They also eat very early. The flipside of that of course is that they think that what we eat is too spicy, they dont like a lot of it, they think that we're vegetarian because we only eat meat a couple of times a month & we eat far too late! It's quite funny as we seem to be much more accomodating of their ways than they are of ours, & when they visit us they always stay in a hotel! :rotfl:
I really hate being there for Christmas, it ruins it for, but then I think I'm being a !!!!! & should just enjoy myself anyway. However if they come to us for Christmas nothing is right & we certainly hear all about it. Its tough, but at least we like each other, some of my friends cant even be in the same room as theirs! :rolleyes:

juliescot

As little as I can get away with tbh. And OH does know how I feel

Maybe 4 times a year. We do stay over unless there is a real need to come home. It is nearly a 4 hour drive to get to them

never_enough

Yes, oh knows exactly how I feel, but he feels the same way. I do get him to go on his own sometimes too if I have something [STRIKE]purposefully arranged for that weekend[/STRIKE] on.

red_devil

never stayed with them, never met them, they died before we met. I do wish I had had the chance to meet them especially the mother. I have seen a home video of her and she seems nice and happy, also had good words about her from others.

I go to the grave sometimes with oh but i dont like it. I cry i feel so emotional that i didnt get too meet these people who were the parents of my lovely man!

lostinrates

red_devil wrote: »

never stayed with them, never met them, they died before we met. I do wish I had had the chance to meet them especially the mother. I have seen a home video of her and she seems nice and happy, also had good words about her from others.

I go to the grave sometimes with oh but i dont like it. I cry i feel so emotional that i didnt get too meet these people who were the parents of my lovely man!

My m-i-l died before I met DH too. I feel exactly the same way.

On the other hand, with the ones that are left there are always some of those ''in law issues''. DH was the first in his family to commit to a serious relationship/engagement/marriage in a very close family and at times there have been points where members of his family have complained he's put me first when put on the spot. I don't have much in common with them but DH loves them very much, and they are part of DH's life. None of them live in UK atm and when we lived in London it was presumed they would stay with us, which I found hard, not the staying, but just...different attitudes to life/housing/etc. I'm glad that is not an option any more, frankly. When we meet up there is almost always the ofer to stay with them but generally now DH and I suggest that we're also exploring other things going on and so it would be easier for everyone if we stay in a hotel. If we had children I expect the visits would be both more frequent and longer, and I think extended family is really important fr kids.

Pee

I think it's normal to have issues, but just think, one day if you have children, you will be the MIL. Now I think as a MIL I'd be quite happy for son or daughter to come to visit alone sometimes and sometimes together and not to feel that partner was under a huge strain being there!

I have to say I loved my nearly in laws and felt I was treated as one of the family. I had much more in common with them than with my own family. My boyfriend's dad died years ago and I so wish that I had had a chance to meet him... then again his brother and sister I have hardly met and have nothing at all in common with. We are certainly civil, but I can't say that I would spend time with them if they weren't his relations.

Triggles

My in-laws have been wonderful to me. FIL unfortunately passed away in March of this year. We moved (in 2008) to be nearby in-laws, as FIL had been having health problems, and we felt it was important for us to spend as much time with them as possible, not only for DH's sake but for our children's sake as well (and obviously FIL's), plus then we could be nearby to help out MIL whenever needed. We currently visit MIL at least once a week, sometimes more, and phone her probably every other day just to say hello and firm up plans for visits and such. I absolutely adore my MIL - she is a sweet, caring woman that will do anything for her family. She never criticises and is always very supportive, no matter what. She is great with the children and offers to babysit them regularly, although the only time we've taken her up on that was to babysit our 3yo when I was in labour/delivery with our youngest child. (we don't want her to feel like we consider her free childcare - we much rather she get to visit them and just enjoy interacting with them without the hassle of being the carer)

My parents (as the in-laws for my DH) live abroad, and we rarely have contact with them. I don't see eye-to-eye with them on some things, so we don't get along very well, although I do try to be civil, for the children's sake. DH has actually never met them. As the only family of mine he has met were my siblings who came to visit and they were quite awful and rude, I suspect DH is happy to avoid visiting any of my family for quite some time. LOL